to tell dh that ds should not have to pay for a new tie

[turningvioletviolet]

Back in the good old days before he met, married and had 3 dcs with me dh had money. And he spent that money on a lovely plain black Armani silk tie a whole £60 back in 1993. An Armani tie that was dry clean only.

And it came to pass that ds (18) wore that tie for school one day. And being the not at all responsible young chap that he is, he chucked said tie into the washing basket. And lo and behold I washed that Armani tie. And it is no longer lovely.

Dh says that ds needs to repay him for the plain black tie. A similar new one allegedly costs £120. Of the many things in my life that i can get worked up about, and the life lessons that my dcs should learn, this is not one that creates any enthusiasm in me. It's a tie. A plain black tie. As i keep telling dh.

AIBU or is DH?

He chucked it in the wash so he is responsible

Ds didn't wash it so why should he have to replace it?

I think the oh could relax a little about a tie.

Having said that he has kept that tie in good condition for over 20 years so if ds has been loaned it and thrown it in the washing machine when he should know it does not go there, then it does show a element of carelessness with other people's possessions.

I would get DS to get him a new time, maybe not a Armani one thou! At £120 that a lot of money for a tie!

Where did he borrow the tie from? Was it just hanging around or did he have to go into his dad's wardrobe.

How often did he wear it?
In terms of capital value, it would have been written down years ago so no longer "worth" anything. (Just thinking about capital value from an accounting point of view)
A tie is a tie quite cheap at M&S. :-)

Is the tie worn often or has it been stuck in a cupboard for years? To be fair tho Your DS did take the tie (presumably without asking) and now it's ruined.

You are both being a bit unreasonable. Your ds should definitely buy his father a new tie, but I don't think it needs to be an Armani one. However, it should be a good make which costs a reasonable amount of money. Enough money to make a definite point to your ds about looking after other people's belongings, if he borrows them.

Random capital on your, sorry

I think if you borrow something from someone and it gets ruined, you are responsible for replacing it with a like item.

Why would you chuck a tie that you'd worn once in the wash??

Where was the tie? If it was kept in DH's wardrobe or similar, and DS took it without asking, then yes he should pay for a replacement. Maybe not a £120 replacement, depending on DS's income, but I would expect him to provide a good quality silk tie as replacement.

If DH had left the tie lying about and DS made a mistake wearing it to school, or he borrowed it with DH's permission, then responsibility lies with DH and DS shouldn't have to replace it.

i did mention depreciation but dh is having none of it. It's a classic don't you know? Dh was apparently attached to this tie. Who knew? It's plain, it's black and quite frankly it's a rather dull tie.

I meant if DS borrowed the tie, then DH should have told DS how to take care of the tie.

flogging molly ds chucks everything he's worn once into the wash. Because the only alternative is to fold it up and put it away. and apparently that is not a skill he has.

How often is the tie worn? I'm thinking a 1993 tie is now very out of date. That said your adult son borrowed it, probably without permission, then chucked it in the wash. Someone washed without checking. They both need to go 50/50 for a decent new tie.

I am staggered that he has a tie from 1993. My dh has an overcoat from 1995 and I thought that was a record.

Remind your dh that he was young once and to get over himself. The tie would be worthless now anyway and get ds to stop rolling his eyes, he will be, apologise and get the old man a nice bottle of wine.

well i washed without checking. but i refuse to take responsibility. if it goes in the basket it gets washed. That is my rule and i stick to it.

Don't all teenage boys throw every item worn in a day into the wash/ on the floor.

I thought that was the law. Wardrobes are mystical places that they dare not enter except to empty.

Cut the label out of the ruined tie, sew it into a brand new M&S one.

Sorted

Get your son to have a look on a selling site like ebay.He'll more than likely be able to buy a second hand one for half the price your DH originally paid.

allegedly dh was the most responsible teenager that ever existed in his own mind and would never have done such a thing. he seems to forget the mother and two older sisters who did everything for him.

A tie that is 22 yrs old? Your DH is bonkers. Men are far too attached to their things. I've been trying to get rid of an Armani suit (that DP hasn't managed to fit into for at least 25 years, and even if he could - IT IS NOT IN FASHION ANY LONGER).
But he won't let me - 'It might come back into fashion' ...... 'I might fit into it again one day'. The likelihood of both those scenarios colliding at the same time beggars belief. In the meantime, it takes up valuable wardrobe space (along with several other shirts, trousers, sweaters, etc, etc, etc).

But a TIE (even I've managed to throw a few of those into the charity bags).

I don't think whether he had permission to borrow it is relevent. If a friend borrows a dress from me and ruins it, surely she's responsible for replacing it or otherwise making it right, regardless of the fact that I loaned it to her. She'd be a pretty bad friend if she refused to replace it becuase I said she could borrow it.

That said, I do think there's an argument to be made that the person who washed it bears some of the responsibility. I have three kids, and an entire load of laundry stained with blue crayon taught me that you don't just dump a basket of dirty clothes into the washer without checking what's in there. Maybe you and your son could split the cost.

Your OH is being a bit mean, I think. Your son has learnt a lesson about ties and silk that most men learn on other items of clothing! Tell your OH he can have a new tie for birthday / christmas / whatever you fancy (who wears a black tie other than for a funeral, anyway?) if he buys you some new silk lingerie.