to tell dh that ds should not have to pay for a new tie

[turningvioletviolet]

Back in the good old days before he met, married and had 3 dcs with me dh had money. And he spent that money on a lovely plain black Armani silk tie a whole £60 back in 1993. An Armani tie that was dry clean only.

And it came to pass that ds (18) wore that tie for school one day. And being the not at all responsible young chap that he is, he chucked said tie into the washing basket. And lo and behold I washed that Armani tie. And it is no longer lovely.

Dh says that ds needs to repay him for the plain black tie. A similar new one allegedly costs £120. Of the many things in my life that i can get worked up about, and the life lessons that my dcs should learn, this is not one that creates any enthusiasm in me. It's a tie. A plain black tie. As i keep telling dh.

AIBU or is DH?

i'm a little vague on whether permission for borrowing the tie was given.

Dh thinks he was the hippest of the hip he wasn't, ever and his antique clothing was so hip it has retained allies value.

all its value even

Well, your son chose to wear it, unless it was part of some sort of costume, I'd assume it was still stylish. My 16-year-old wouldn't be caught dead in anything that he didn't think looked cool.

All its value but none of its style, more than likely.

They've got a bunch of black Armani ties on eBay $10 ish.

When you removed the tie from the washer, why did it not mysteriously go missing?

I think your son should replace the exact same tie

My best friend and I swop 2 very expensive glittery handbags but if one of us lost the others we would replace the actual handbag and not some shit from Accessorize

I could never afford to buy it again (I have many items like this that are classics and will last pretty much forever)

As is that tie - I don't remember tie styles changing much in the last 20 years - DH has some that are as old as that, they all look the same until you get back to the 70s with Kipper or the 80's with those leather thin string ties - but the last 25 years they all look the same

I think your son should scour Ebay for a second hand tie - after all, that's what was ruined and it seems unfair that your husband should have his position bettered by this accident, which he would be if he got a new tie to replace one that was 20 years old.
Would this one do?
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Armani-Tie-/191541159362?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_3&hash=item2c98be25c2

in fairness to dh, there is was nothing wrong with the tie. Ds has to wear a suit and tie for school. So a simple plain black tie did the trick because all ds' own ties which aren't dry clean only were hidden in various other piles of clothes randomly left around his room

Forgetting cost ds owes dh a tie! He took something and ruined it he needs to replace it. End of story! Doesnt matter how old item.

Just because you don't care it's ruined doesn't mean ds shouldn't replace it. But I agree a nice new black tie or a reasonable second hand one should suffice. Certainly no requirement for a new £120 tie!

dojo Thanks! There'll be a bid on that very soon.

I did a quick ebay check, too, and saw quite a few black Armani ties for not a lot of $. He should check it out, perhaps he can find the exact same one.

i doubt it steff - if only because there are probably not that many anal men around who keep ties for 25 years.

Fingers crossed for you op re ebay. Noticed now has bid! Get ds to pay if you win op. X

well, the feedback i will take from you all the one's that tell me ianbu is that dh is being an arse. Thanks. i will let him know.

I'm going against the flow here.

I'd be pretty pissed off if someone borrowed an expensive piece of clothing and ruined it - then refused to replace or or offered me a cheap copy.

The age doesn't matter - if it was in good condition it should have been returned in the same state it was borrowed.

It's a life lesson for your son in how to treat other peoples things- so yes I think he should save up for a like for like replacement.

I totally agree with YellowTulips; the age of the item doesn't matter, it's the condition the condition that counts, and if it's not in the same state it was in when he borrowed it, he needs to replace it. And I don't like the lesson it would teach to not make your son replace it. It's not ok to be disrespectful of other people's things. Just because they don't have any value to you, doesn't mean the other person is wrong to value them.

YABU. I would be pissed. Your DH obviously saved up for it and has treasured it, yes we can all say it's only a tie but Its probably the best quality thing he owns.

DS should have to buy a new one from a shop. And should apologise.

Would you think differently if it was an ipad or household object. If he ruined it, he should replace it.

Would your op accept a genuine apology, I did wonder when I read this thread if your son had nt apologised and that was what really annoyed your husband.

I don't think your dh is being an arse. I said that you were both being a bit unreasonable .

if it helps any, ds thinks we (me and dh) are BU because we're making him pay for his passport to be renewed (a whole other AIBU thread). So maybe it's all swings and roundabouts.

In fairness though, if the OP's son is not used to wearing dry clean only ties, then it might not have occurred to him that it would be ruined by washing. I don't think that necessarily demonstrates lack of respect, so much as lack of experience. Had he left it at someone else's house, set fire to it smoking or aimless picked at it until it unravelled, I think it would be a different story, but this sounds like an honest mistake rather than a show of disrespect or failure to take adequate care of someone else's belongings.

Pyjama, I kept some Monsoon things from 1981 until a few months ago My dd and my cleaner have them now. I am no longer a size 10.