to tell dh that ds should not have to pay for a new tie

[turningvioletviolet]

Back in the good old days before he met, married and had 3 dcs with me dh had money. And he spent that money on a lovely plain black Armani silk tie a whole £60 back in 1993. An Armani tie that was dry clean only.

And it came to pass that ds (18) wore that tie for school one day. And being the not at all responsible young chap that he is, he chucked said tie into the washing basket. And lo and behold I washed that Armani tie. And it is no longer lovely.

Dh says that ds needs to repay him for the plain black tie. A similar new one allegedly costs £120. Of the many things in my life that i can get worked up about, and the life lessons that my dcs should learn, this is not one that creates any enthusiasm in me. It's a tie. A plain black tie. As i keep telling dh.

AIBU or is DH?

Just wondering, if ds had taken something expensive and of sentiment to you, that you'd kept for 20 years, and essentially ruined it- how would you feel. I don't think you'd be too impressed.

www.rokit.co.uk/vintage-mens/designer-brands-clothing-and-accessories?filters[12]=1168&page=1

Super brilliant vintage shop , link to men's Armani

Ties last ages my dead still has the tie he wore to his wedding 48 years ago, DH has ties at least 20 years old, black ties don't go out of fashion, your D's ruined tie, if you borrow something with permission and ruin it you replace it and apologise, if taken without permission you replace and apologise for both the taking of item and ruining it.
It is probably ruined by accident or thoughtlessness but Ds should apologise, your dh is not responsible OK I agree with you that D's does not owe him £120 but m&s do silk ties for about £15 so that would be reasonable but not as a present, you can't ruin someone else's stuff and tell them you'll replace it instead of getting them a birthday present

Your son borrowed something dry-clean only and then slung it in the laundry basket for his slave to wash. It makes it worse that the item he thought should be washed after one wear was a tie.

I bet it has a little square on the back saying dry-clean only, too.

These are absolutely some lessonS your son needs to learn. Looking at laundry labels, taking care of other people's things, and putting things away instead of using the laundry basket. His future partners will thank you. Does he use the laundry basket as a one stop delegation tray, so that you wash things and put them away for him, by any chance?

Out of interest has he got £120? I think I need to find a new Saturday job for my 18 year old!

Your DS should replace the tie, he can get one on ebay for cheaper. If I borrowed clothes from someone and ruined them I would replace them, why should they be out of pocket because of me?

Your DS should replace the tie, he can get one on ebay for cheaper. If I borrowed clothes from someone and ruined them I would replace them, why should they be out of pocket because of me?

If your DH ruined something expensive of your Ds's, no matter whether it be old or new, would he kick up a stink and expect compensation?

Annoying double post

He should of course apologise but does the average 18 year old still at school have the odd £120 to spare for an old tie? That's not worth that now?

I get he should make reparation and I get he needs to learn a lesson but it's not the crime of the century is it?

If I didn't sort out dhs wardrobe he would have his 'Miami vice' shirts still there. And he would expect me to still be wearing the puff ball skirts and raa raa skirts from the 80s!

Get him to take your dh to try local and bond over a pint. And eBay some cheap replacements.

fifty

Cut the lad some slack! He will be able to be sorry (and learn the vital life lesson about dry clean only) if you sadly consign it to the recycling recalling its 'story'. If you decide to 'punish' him he will just be resentful and remember that instead.
And anyway a tie that old would surely be a bit kipperish! You could probably get one on ebay for a couple of quid if you put in a search - then he could give it to his Dad as a pressie?
Come the pandemic such small things will not matter one jot...

OP why are you being somflippant about your husband's possesseions and feelings? Your tone seems really patronising to me

Itbdoesnt matter what YOU think sbout the value/worth of the tie, it's not yours!

Oh, and his future friends will thank you. I think lots of us have "distanced" ourselves from a friend who took the piss with belongings we'd kindly lent them, no?

[cross]

I think that you should buy your DH a new tie. And your son should make a donation towards it. Say £20. He has had that tie a long time and he's right to be annoyed it's now ruined. A second hand one in good condition would be fine.

In fairness though, if the OP's son is not used to wearing dry clean only ties, then it might not have occurred to him that it would be ruined by washing. I don't think that necessarily demonstrates lack of respect, so much as lack of experience.

That might be true. However, that doesn't negate the fact that he should replace it. Regardless of the reason it was ruined, it was ruined, and he should replace it.

Unless you are an undertaker, a black tie lasts a long time, and every grown-up man needs one.

Most of them are plain flat, it is quite difficult to find a heavy silk one with a patterned texture. For example

I managed to get one with a black paisley pattern on a black background, never seen another. I would be cross if someone helped themselves to it and ruined it.

That might be true. However, that doesn't negate the fact that he should replace it. Regardless of the reason it was ruined, it was ruined, and he should replace it.

I don't disagree, as I said upthread - my comment was aimed at those who were saying that the ruined tie was a result of disrespect for others' belongings, which I don't believe is necessarily true.

Not every occurrence is a life lesson.

This is family life, the things you laugh about when they are older, the things that make you laugh as a couple when thru have left the nest. The things you tell your grandchildren so they can laugh at their parents being daft teens.

eminado a tad dramatic that!

OP, the tie you are bidding on is navy!

If my son had done this I would like him to apologise and offer to buy me a new tie of equivalent value - I would then accept his apology and tell him that I appreciate his offer but a much cheaper tie would suffice along with a promise to read labels in future.

I currently own 32 ties :)

Pyjamas i don't understand why you have picked out my post as dramatic, it's my opinion?!

What did insay that was dramatic

*I say

Charles Tyrwhitt is particularly good for quality ties

www.ctshirts.co.uk/mens-ties/Essential-plain-black-tie?q=gbpdefault||tw287blk|||||411,||||||||