to tell dh that ds should not have to pay for a new tie

[turningvioletviolet]

Back in the good old days before he met, married and had 3 dcs with me dh had money. And he spent that money on a lovely plain black Armani silk tie a whole £60 back in 1993. An Armani tie that was dry clean only.

And it came to pass that ds (18) wore that tie for school one day. And being the not at all responsible young chap that he is, he chucked said tie into the washing basket. And lo and behold I washed that Armani tie. And it is no longer lovely.

Dh says that ds needs to repay him for the plain black tie. A similar new one allegedly costs £120. Of the many things in my life that i can get worked up about, and the life lessons that my dcs should learn, this is not one that creates any enthusiasm in me. It's a tie. A plain black tie. As i keep telling dh.

AIBU or is DH?

I think you and your son are both responsible. He should have cared for the tie and you too when you did the wash. But he should start doing his own wash, you are not his maid.

Only your DP can decide what would cut it for him. If second hand is ok, son pays, if second hand is expensive you both share. If he wants new split the bill in three and DP pitches in.

Don't let you son get away with it, when you borrow other people's things it's important to understand that you become responsible of them.

And stop doing his wash! :)

People being astounded at someone keeping a tie that long: my dad has a beautiful overcoat. He only wears it once or twice a year when he goes to industry awards things. It belonged to his dad and was given to him just before he passed away, so it's about 40 years old.

Another one agreeing with YellowTulips. Who bungs a tie in the wash after one wear just because they can’t be bothered to hang it up? And he must have known it was “Dad’s Armani tie”; doesn’t take much of a leap to imagine that you might need to take more care washing it than one from bloody C&A of the same vintage! If he’s had it 20+ years then he’s obviously looked after it and cared for it. I wouldn’t blame the OP at all, who sorts through a dark wash item by item? It was one small piece of clothing in a full drum, hardly noticeable.

I have a Mulberry handbag which I bought in 2008; it’s seen better days, but if I leant it to someone and they irreparably damaged it and tried to fob me off with something from Topshop or similar I’d be fuming. Having said that, he’s 17. I would say he should pay £75 of it to tighten him a bit, but to allow for his reduced earning potential.

Of course you keep a black tie that long. It's standard male funeral attire, and I would have expected that at some point everyone gets one and keeps it.

And yes your DS should replace it. I hope you find one for well under £120 though!

Hmm CraicDealer has a point. I check clothes carfully when I do a wash, but if it is not a standard procedure then I retract when I said about you being responsible too esp with a sloppy teen who makes you wash things bc it's easier than to pick things up
I second CraicDealer's post.

Whoevers fault this is, it isn't your DH, he is not being an arse, you come across like you have no respect for him his feelings or belongings. I bet you and ds wouldn't hesitate to make him buy a new one if this was the other way round.

Who cares what you think of his Armani tie? Your ds was careless and frankly so were you. The two of you owe him a tie and, if you called him an arse like you said you were going to, an apology too.

Agree totally with Pyjamas. Never read such a load of tripe. Save these tantrums for something really important.

I think your DS should replace it. Especially if he took it without asking.

I'm with your DH.

If you borrow something then break, loose or otherwise spoil it you must replace it like for like with a new one.
Your DS will be more careful with other people's possessions in future!

well OP would you make a friend and or your DS replace a expesive dress/handbag they borrowed or would you accept a cheap copy ? as i serously doubt you would not bothered if something expesive of yours was ruined despite its age

If dh lent ds his 20 year old tie he should have explained the cleaning instructions.
Its reasonable for everyone to learn a lesson from this
But not reasonable to have an 18 yo boy buy a new tie for £120
Charity shop in wimbledon village. Bound to have one.