To not want to tell the ILS how much we paid for our house?

[MirandaGoshawk]

We moved recently. The ILS are coming down to stay. We probably did pay a bit over the odds for this house but another buyer was interested and it was the only one we'd found in two years that DH liked. The ILS gave us plenty of their opinion, didn't want us to buy it, not their cup of tea tough!.

They have probably looked it up online & seen how much it was advertised at, and DH did give them a low ballpark figure of what we paid. He wants to tell them exactly how much we paid, but that will lead to having to justify ourselves plus lots of questions about mortgage prices etc & I just don't want to go there. I know they can find the price on Zoopla if they want, but that won't involve all the ins & outs of a discussion. It's not as if we know/ask/want to know about their finances - they are private & ours should be too. We're not kids. AIBU?

It's not personal information - it's public information that will be online in about six months

But that doesn't mean you have to get drawn into a big discussion about it - just have to say you are happy with the amount you paid and can afford it (assuming that is the case)

My ideas don't trump his, but successful marriages are all about compromise. Sometimes I compromise for him and sometimes he compromises for me.

I think more than anything else - pils, Mils etc, its simply a case that ops PILS are always negative about this house and money.

Regardless of who is dishing out this negativity, does op want it in her life? Is her DH happy after hearing this? Can they shrug it off and it not affect them, if so, so what, who care what they say?

but if it makes anyone feel miserable or depressed then really they shouldnt be allowed to be negative.

And in his family, what you paid for your house or your car or your holiday was just part of normal conversation

In this case Though, its not about op feeling uncomfortable about them talking about money, its the negative baggage thats coming with it. VERY DIFFERENT.

What I'm saying is that it felt like negative baggage to me, but it actually wasn't for them. So I could have thrown a strop and Dp would have sided with me. But I would have been wrong.

They sound old fashioned. Housing markets are now dictated by area view schools services condition etc - so dont take any of that into consideration. My gran would be the same .... You must feel on edge round them waiting to be judged all the time - would get up my nose. You need to speak to DH about the bigger pictuer in how they make u feel - rather than the money.

I am confused, did you in laws get negative with you about stuff you and he purchased and go on and on about it?

Totally agree with Hak.

Also quite alarmed to see comments saying after you turn 10 your life is no longer any of your parents business. Astonishing. OP I think you need to let your DH have his own relationship with his parents.

In the real world this must come across as quite controlling and makes me understand why they might be concerned, and want to speak to him directly about how happy he is with these decisions. They could be under the impression you are controlling in other ways. Or they might just be interested, or want the best for you. Theyre not a couple of random acquaintances, theyre his family.

Well, that's not what I said so its quite ridiculous of you to be "astonished" Woolybackswife.

"So, how much did you pay then?"

Headtilt and small smile

"Now why exactly do you need to know that?"

Theyre not a couple of random acquaintances, theyre his family

Family and who is thrust upon us, is absurdly quite random and not every ones parents understand them or their needs.
Hence the saying : cant choose their family but can choose friends

Its absurdly patronising to think this grown man can't make a decision to buy a house off his own back, they must have in your view woolley an extremely poor view of their son .

Heaping nothing but negativity on people is never good for them.

And its not what Minty said.

Oh for goodness sake Woolly it's not controlling to ask your DH to keep your finances private.

My DH is extremely close to his parents, we all get on very well and we see them at least once a week.

I'm happy to discuss most subjects with them but in my opinion the contents of our joint bank statements aren't an appropriate topic.

Also you are being pretty unfair to the OP suggesting that the PILs wish to discuss re house price in case she has forced her DH into buying the house. There is nothing in the OP to indicate that.

YANBU. It's none of their business, unless they're paying for the house!! (Which I assume they're not)

My PIL have always been very generous with money for which I am grateful, however they think this entitles them to know my earnings and our household income that my husband and I earn. They also then think this means they can dictate how/when we spend our money. I have stopped discussing it with them now, whenever money is mentioned I change the subject. I'd adopt this approach with your in laws

The situation is that I was never good enough for their PFB and MIL is very snooty. We've had a few run-ins in the past and she has been bloody rude to me & v. critical. But re. the house, it was DH who wanted to move - I was very happy at our last place but DH never liked it much. MIL rang me up one day and said "I think you should put your house on the market" I asked her sweetly where she thought we ought to move to. That shut her up!

Anyway, so I found lots of houses I liked but DH turned them all down for various reasons, apart from this one the most expensive. The ILs didn't like the sound of it because it's just not their kind of house. (Imagine 'The Old Rectory' compared to a penthouse flat - just down to preference.) So I'm keeping out of it and will just let DH justify us moving here .

Let DH deal with it. Offering another G&T sounds like a good plan. Make your own a double.

Yep, I'm going to need it.