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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to tell the ILS how much we paid for our house?

92 replies

MirandaGoshawk · 23/03/2015 16:58

We moved recently. The ILS are coming down to stay. We probably did pay a bit over the odds for this house but another buyer was interested and it was the only one we'd found in two years that DH liked. The ILS gave us plenty of their opinion, didn't want us to buy it, not their cup of tea tough!.

They have probably looked it up online & seen how much it was advertised at, and DH did give them a low ballpark figure of what we paid. He wants to tell them exactly how much we paid, but that will lead to having to justify ourselves plus lots of questions about mortgage prices etc & I just don't want to go there. I know they can find the price on Zoopla if they want, but that won't involve all the ins & outs of a discussion. It's not as if we know/ask/want to know about their finances - they are private & ours should be too. We're not kids. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 23/03/2015 17:55

Er Conference, that's not the point read the OP

OP posts:
Paintedpinksapphires · 23/03/2015 17:55

Your PILs are not entitled to know the finer points of your financial decisions. If your DH discusses mortgages etc he will be in effect sharing pretty personal information regarding your salary (given this debate I'm assuming they already know his!) and credit status as well as how much deposit etc.

He can share his financial info but not yours.

I had this debate (at some volume! Grin) with my own DH at the beginning of our marriage. The PIL now know nothing about our finances, which is as it should be IMO.

Viviennemary · 23/03/2015 17:58

Just tell them. I hate not knowing things. Blush In any case they can find out in a few months how much your house went for.

Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 23/03/2015 17:59

elfy Shock

magic I don't think they are 'right'. Quite the reverse - their idea of the 'right' house is very different from ours. What I object to is having to justify our decision/go into our finances.

OP posts:
chiefbrody · 23/03/2015 18:00

Ask them how much their house cost?

Ask them how much the car was?

etc
etc

elfycat · 23/03/2015 18:00

Craic If I'd banged my head against a wall about everything FIL is completely wrong about I'd have a lot of hardcore to remodel the garden with. Honestly £400 was suggested after he told us to make sure we paid no more than £300 psm or we'd be ripped off.

Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 23/03/2015 18:02

Really Vivienne? I didn't know that You too have missed the point.

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Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 23/03/2015 18:09

Elfy - what I didn't go into in the OP was all the advice we had from them before we sold our old house. They told us how much they thought it was worth, despite them living 300 miles away and prices being very different down here. Prices are very different even 15 miles away from here but no, they knew better than the 3 local agents. Except they didn't and the agents turned out to be right Grin.

Last time we moved MIL came through the back door and sniffed that it was a bit dark, or something. I have lots of criticisms of their place but I would never say them out loud. You want friends and relatives to say "It's lovely" but ILs feel the need to "speak their mind" i. e. feel free to be rude.

Maybe I'm just a bit edgy where they are concerned. There is history!

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Paintedpinksapphires · 23/03/2015 18:12

Vivienne but surely you don't expect other adults to discuss their private financial decisions?

Viviennemary · 23/03/2015 18:13

How much did your house cost by the way? And how much is your mortgage and your monthly repayments. Only joking. Grin

StayingSamVimesGirl · 23/03/2015 18:18

If they ask, could you say, "That's a very intrusive question - why do you need to know?"

Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 23/03/2015 18:22

Vivienne Here you go

Doubtless MIL will say that for that price we should at least have got a garden big enough to hang the washing out.

Wink
OP posts:
Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 23/03/2015 18:23

And a garage Shock !

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DoJo · 23/03/2015 18:26

I agree that they sound rude, and are clearly only asking so that they can open up a discussion about how many things they want to criticise about your decision!

MaryWestmacott · 23/03/2015 18:30

If your Dh wants to tell him, let him. Then don't justify or explain. If they start on about it not 'being worth' it, just say "well, a house is only ever worth what someone is willing to pay, and we were willing to pay that to make this house our home." that it's "a home, not an investment." talk about house price changes "doesn't matter to us now, we won't be selling for 20 years or more, so short term changes would only make us richer or poorer on paper."

whereismagic · 23/03/2015 18:50

I thought the gist of your complaint was that yes, we overpaid for the house but I don't want to have my face rubbed in it. You can't dictate what your husband can discuss with his parents but I think you can request to be left out of this discussion. If you feel so strongly.

holeinmyheart · 23/03/2015 18:53

Gosh aren't control freaks an utter pain. Coupled with fact that they are your PIls makes a really good combination, not.
However they are going to know.
I think it is rude to ask people about their finances but my own house is on the market and I was quite surprised about how many people asked how much it had been valued at.

So just tell them, but say as kindly as possible that it was your choice.

There is a big difference between being aggressive as in ' Why don't you F off you nosy Parkers', and being assertive and nice.. As in, we paid £2 million for the house but it is just what we wanted and we knew you would be pleased for us, because we are thrilled arn't we Darling. ? Looks lovingly at their DS.
That should shut them up, as they can't say they don't want you to be pleased and happy, can they?

RandomMess · 23/03/2015 18:54

OMG, that is all but that tis London for you!!!

YANBU btw.

BoyScout · 23/03/2015 18:54

I would tell them because trying to hide it makes it look like they're right.

Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 23/03/2015 18:56

Lol! That's true, hole

Just wait until people ask you how much you sold for! Friends, neighbours... Some were more polite than to ask but some just came right out & asked.

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MrsAidenTurner · 23/03/2015 18:56

Hi op, I know where your coming from, why tell them and open up gates or more cristism?

We got criticized for our house too, even though we did LOTS of research, lots of other houses exactly the same for sale on our street, and we brought ours about 20 grand cheaper Confused

If he wants to tell them, and its sounds a bit childish to want too....then he must tell them with a caveat, "if i tell you the price, do you promise to keep your gobs shut?" we dont want any negativity thanks.

Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 23/03/2015 18:58

Random the London house was a joke - that's not our house & we're nowhere near London or that budget. But just goes to show, £10 million and a tiny garden and no garage makes our look like a bargain

OP posts:
Doilooklikeatourist · 23/03/2015 18:59

Tell them exactly how much you paid for it ( ie double what you paid , and then a bit more )
And smile and say , but it's worth it isn't it
Sweet smile

Hakluyt · 23/03/2015 19:02

Why shouldn't he tell his mum and dad if he wants to?

MagentaMouflon · 23/03/2015 19:04

:o rofl at the dream 10 mil house, I almost fainted with envy just there.

It's up to DH if he wants to tell them, just explain to him that if he tells them, he deals with the ensuing conversation while you announce you have backache and need a nice long bath / other urgent distraction as appropriate. If they ever start on at you about it, I think it's OK to say "I don't want to discuss what we paid for our house"