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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu or is he (honest answers only).

94 replies

Skeeter3 · 23/03/2015 14:17

So at the request of my dp I am asking aibu or is he?

Last night we're sat watching TV, do fell asleep on one couch (I was sat with sleeping baby on the other) I continued watching.

Programme finishes and it's time for bed. I said dp's name 4 times to wake him to come to bed (he was lying on a 2 seater couch so wouldn't be comfy) he didn't respond. As baby had been squirmy I didn't want to get up incase she rolled so I GENTLY tossed a cushion over to his legs to get his attention and encourage him to go up to bed.

He took great offense to this and told me, after I asked what was wrong, that he was upset and annoyed that I'd 'hit' him with the cushion, I said sorry and explained that I'd said his name and couldn't leave baby to go over to him.

Once he had sat up I got up to get my phone, as if baby moved he could get her, but he thinks if I got up at that point I should have gotten up to wake him in a more "thoughtful and considerate" manner.

He says I should be thoroughly apologetic as I upset him.

I think he's being a big fucking baby and should be greatful I woke him instead of letting him get freezing and sore sleeping on a tiny couch.

Who's being unreasonable?

(Ps he might comment).

OP posts:

seriouslypeedoff · 23/03/2015 14:19

What's his version?

SideOrderofChips · 23/03/2015 14:20

He's being a big baby. And hes lucky. Generally if DH falls asleep on the couch i leave him there

Rockclimbingtigger · 23/03/2015 14:20

Honestly?

It's an argument over nothing. Put it behind you both and move on. You're both tired with a baby and probably both being unreasonable.

There are more important things and it sounds like a nothing argument, so apologise to each other.

Just my thoughts. X

ConfusedInBath · 23/03/2015 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

calmexterior · 23/03/2015 14:21

Neither of you. Really not worth a fight. Kiss and make up.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 23/03/2015 14:22

He sounds a bit over sensitive. Is it tiredness? New baby and all that.

jimijack · 23/03/2015 14:22

Oh dear Lord, what.on earth. Is he on about? What did his mum say? I presume he informed her immediately of this domestic abuse?

It's not as if you threw an ornament at his head.

Is he this touchy usually?

WeirdCatLady · 23/03/2015 14:22

If he agrees with your description of events, then I would say he is being a big fucking baby and needs to man up. What did he want, a gentle forehead stroke with you singing gently to waken the prince from his blissful sleep? FFS.

Original poster

Skeeter3 · 23/03/2015 14:22

He feels I should have been more considerate and that my explanation means that I'm excusing what I did, and belittling his upset.

He feels he should be able to say that I've upset him with my actions and have that be accepted and apologised for with no caveats.

OP posts:

flora717 · 23/03/2015 14:23

Really? I'd be sorry I'd upset someone. Yes. Obviously the startle at waking up was the big factor in being upset though. Because a cushion landing on the legs is really not that much.
But. I'd also (were I to get upset over a cushion and I'd had an apology) forever expect a bit of piss taking around cushions. Should your DH comment I hope to see a suitably humorous cushion related user name in acceptance of the silliness of dragging it out!

OhNoNotMyBaby · 23/03/2015 14:23

If you could get up to get your phone why couldn't you get up to wake him up gently? especially as it was 'time for bed'. And surely you were going to take the baby up to bed too, so you would have had to have picked baby up.

Being woken up is a horrible thing at the best of times - even with someone giving you a very gentle shake for example

KittensOnAPlane · 23/03/2015 14:23

i dont get why you didnt move in the first place, you could reach a cushion to throw at him, so why didnt you put that where you were sitting to stop the baby rolling, or if it was bed time, surely you would have been taking the baby upstairs to bed?

Shodan · 23/03/2015 14:25

HIBU.

Next time leave him to sleep the night on the sofa.

'Thoroughly apologetic' my arse.

LongDistanceLove · 23/03/2015 14:25

It's not really worth getting wound up about really, if you'd gone over and woken him up it probably would have been wrong too.

Does he have to be right about everything?

Guiltypleasures001 · 23/03/2015 14:26

Hi op

Yes he is entitled to be heard. But your just as entitled to not give a shit. It's an over reaction on his part but as I stated he's entitled to it. I would leave him on the settee next time to wake up himself, when he gets cold he will do.

Feckeggblue · 23/03/2015 14:27

I get very annoyed at being woken up- it seems incredibly irritating in my head even though awake I wouldn't think twice about it however by next day I would not in a million years defend my irritation or continue it!

TheJiminyConjecture · 23/03/2015 14:28

I think you're both being unreasonable. Him for expecting to be woken and you for getting up anyway after throwing the cushion. Wake him up nicely or don't wake him up at all. I'd go with the latter if I were you!

Viviennemary · 23/03/2015 14:28

No you should not have thrown something at him. If this has been something thrown at you people would be saying abuse. LTB.

MajesticWhine · 23/03/2015 14:28

You had to get up some time, didn't you? So I guess you didn't have to throw the cushion. You could have got up, popped baby in bed. Then come back to give him a more considerate awakening. A cushion is not exactly domestic violence though. On the whole, you did him a kindness to wake him up at all. So I will say HIBU and a big baby, and YAB only slightly U

coppertop · 23/03/2015 14:28

I would apologise for throwing the cushion but leave him asleep on the couch next time.

butterfly2015 · 23/03/2015 14:29

Next time throw the remote at him.

Seriously, it was a cushion. Unless the cushion was the size of the sofa, I don't see what the issue is.

He's an adult and its not your responsibility to make him go to bed.

BowiesJumper · 23/03/2015 14:30

It's such a ridiculous thing to be overly upset about. So I would say he is being unreasonable not you!

Original poster

Skeeter3 · 23/03/2015 14:30

Baby is 2.5 years so a cushion ain't up to the job. I didn't pick her up first as it would mean using knees or feet to wake him, I felt the cushion I was sitting on would be the softest option.

Hey I don't like being woken up either, but I said sorry and gave an explanation, which he didn't accept. So I just thought well fuck it, I e said sorry and you're over reacting so am I feck going to grovel, which is what I think he's looking for.

OP posts:

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 23/03/2015 14:30

He talks too much! Sorry op but if my Dh overanalysed my waking technique that much I wouldn't like it. Hope you sort it out.

seriouslypeedoff · 23/03/2015 14:31

Without hearing his side (I am sure he won't agree with the gentle throwing of a cushion) I would say you are both unreasonable. However you have a small baby, so give each other a break. Tiredness can make the best of us unreasonable

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