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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is he (honest answers only).

94 replies

Skeeter3 · 23/03/2015 14:17

So at the request of my dp I am asking aibu or is he?

Last night we're sat watching TV, do fell asleep on one couch (I was sat with sleeping baby on the other) I continued watching.

Programme finishes and it's time for bed. I said dp's name 4 times to wake him to come to bed (he was lying on a 2 seater couch so wouldn't be comfy) he didn't respond. As baby had been squirmy I didn't want to get up incase she rolled so I GENTLY tossed a cushion over to his legs to get his attention and encourage him to go up to bed.

He took great offense to this and told me, after I asked what was wrong, that he was upset and annoyed that I'd 'hit' him with the cushion, I said sorry and explained that I'd said his name and couldn't leave baby to go over to him.

Once he had sat up I got up to get my phone, as if baby moved he could get her, but he thinks if I got up at that point I should have gotten up to wake him in a more "thoughtful and considerate" manner.

He says I should be thoroughly apologetic as I upset him.

I think he's being a big fucking baby and should be greatful I woke him instead of letting him get freezing and sore sleeping on a tiny couch.

Who's being unreasonable?

(Ps he might comment).

OP posts:
Original poster
Skeeter3 · 23/03/2015 14:47

Yeah dd's sleep does affect us, but that's not the case here (I don't think).

I was awake watching dd, and the telly.

I'll call my kid whatever descriptive tem I please thanks.

OP posts:
irretating · 23/03/2015 14:47

If he sleeps that soundly, have you ever thought about playing husband-a-roo, it's like buck-a-roo but with a husband. Just pile stuff on him until he wakes up. I do this to my husband if he falls asleep downstairs. It's quite good fun.

monkeysaymoo · 23/03/2015 14:47

I'm still not sure why he needed to be woken? Am I missing something? It's not like you were planning on getting up and taking yourself and your dd to bed.

I'm guessing things are stressful at the moment if you have a dd with significant special needs so if you can I think you both should put this one behind you not worth a drawn out argument.

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/03/2015 14:48

I must admit I'm finding the whole scenario confused (and a bit of a storm in a teacup).

"Once he had sat up I got up to get my phone, as if baby moved he could get her, but he thinks if I got up at that point I should have gotten up to wake him in a more "thoughtful and considerate" manner."
How could he 'get her' from where he was sitting on the other couch, any more easily than you could have got her from standing next to him by that second couch shaking him awake by the shoulder?

keepsmiling2015 · 23/03/2015 14:48

A big deal out of nothing. I think ye should both move on.

gamerchick · 23/03/2015 14:49

One cushion? I have a pile to throw one at a time when the husband falls asleep on the settee and starts rattling the walls. Go to bastard bed if you're tired!

I've also done the leaving asleep thing and he really prefers the cushions to that.

Tell him to give his head a wobble.. grovel indeed. Or do a theatrical on the knees apology.

Christ on a bike.

Zucker · 23/03/2015 14:52

God he's being precious isn't he being very generous

He is being unreasonable.

Original poster
Skeeter3 · 23/03/2015 14:52

I tossed the cushion then very sweetly asked if he wanted to come to bed.

I don't like having my back to dd when she's asleep, so when dp sat up he had eyes on her so I didn't have to, I could get my phone then hot tail it to bed.

OP posts:
MrsCaptainReynolds · 23/03/2015 14:55

Jings. Not sure how you can co-parent with someone so over sensitive! Parenting usually means putting the DC first and having less time to be fully polite and considerate of your partner -with mutual acceptance of this- don't know where we'd be if me or DH got all uppity over every improperly worded request, elbow nudge when the snoring one is waking the baby etc...

Being startled and momentarily annoyed is one thing, dragging it out and necessitating a thread about it is another. He's being a bit precious IMO.

YANBU.

cosytoaster · 23/03/2015 14:57

He's making a big fuss over nothing and is definitely being a big fucking baby, YANBU

SoonToBeSix · 23/03/2015 15:02

Sorry op.

SolomanDaisy · 23/03/2015 15:02

Does one of you have to stay awake all night to watch her? If so, you're both bound to be suffering from long term sleep disruption and will bicker over petty things. The fact this is such an issue probably suggests you're actually both handling it well most of the time.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 23/03/2015 15:03

All just sounds like a mountain out of a molehill to me. I wouldn't be overjoyed at being woken by a pillow but I also wouldn't continue to make a fuss about it after an apology. Surely life has just moved on?

MsJudgementalPants · 23/03/2015 15:15

I think it's a silly thing for you both to be spending so much time on. It's really tough having a young child with SN and must be exhausting for the pair of you. I'd say give each other a hug and move on.

DoJo · 23/03/2015 15:19

So would he rather you had left your daughter to wake him up in a more soothing manner? Because if you both agree that it wouldn't have been a good idea, I can't work out what he would have had you do?

Only1scoop · 23/03/2015 15:19

Are you both knackered and sleep deprived? If so then no big issue....

If not then grow up x 2

Clutterbugsmum · 23/03/2015 15:19

I wouldn't have bothered to throw a cushion. You called his name 4 times I would have waited until your dc had stirred then gone to bed with her and left him asleep to wake by himself.

pbwer · 23/03/2015 15:19

As a grown adult I think he can decide when he goes to bed. If you must wake him up, the accepted method is fellatio.

Only1scoop · 23/03/2015 15:19

And next time you know what to do. Leave him there.

NeedABumChange · 23/03/2015 15:22

Don't understand why you couldn't stand up and wake him Confused

You can't possibly watch your toddler sleeping all night long. You standing up and moving 1m away wouldn't have meant you couldn't see her. I think it's such an odd thing to get worked up about but you should apologise for chucking a pillow on him.

mrsruffallo · 23/03/2015 15:23

It's a non issue. Whose idea was it to start a thread about this on AIBU?? I can't imagine having a disagreement with DH and either of us suggesting starting a thread about it to see who was right. Strange.

VeryAgedParent · 23/03/2015 15:26

I never wake my DH up wherever he falls asleep (and he falls asleep in some strange places, the car in the driveway, at the dining table, in the shed) the temper that accompanies the waking is just not worth it.

I get the whole bed for the majority of the night and get to shout at him if he tries to seduce me with his icy cold feet.

let this be a lesson let sleeping dogs lie!

mrsruffallo · 23/03/2015 15:28

The more I think about this scenario the more confused I am;

A gently placed cushion on one's legs would not wake anyone up.

The toddler- could have been put to bed

The phone thing

Don't get it

Quiero · 23/03/2015 15:28

Fucking hell. How do people actually function in real life if they post about stuff like this.

BudsBeginingSpringinSight · 23/03/2015 15:28

unbelievable. what a big baby.