Course trainer is going tocomplain about me to my boss.

[Flipchart]

I have recently transferred from working with children with disabilities to adults. I was on a course on Friday deling with sexuality and adults with LD.

In the afternoon we were asked to talk about sexual fantasies ie our own. You could see people weren't comfortable with this and some protested but got told that if they weren't comfortable about talking about such things how could we help people with learning disabilities who maybe not able to communicate their needs. After that you could people making stuff up and keeping it light. ( I know the stuff ws made up because in the fag break people were saying things like ' as if I'm going to tell that fuckin' perv what goes on in my head')

When it was my turn I refused point blank to tsay anything and said that to me sexual fantasies was for me to keep private or share with my DH. The trainer pushed me saying everyone else had contributed and that I wasn't being fair. I said if other people have chosen to take part that is their choice. I expect my right to privacy to be respected.

At the end of the course the trainer told me that he was going to complain about me to my boss for being 'obstructive'.

Quite frankly I don't give a shit. The trainer was from a bought in company who focus on training employees with working with people with disabilities and I work for a County Council.
Was I being obstructive or should I have taken prt in something that made me uncomfortable?

flip and Jet I'm horrified at those training courses, it sounds like sexual harrassment to me.

Wholly inappropriate, harassment and then he resorts to bullying behaviour to try to force you to participate. Report to your bosses.

Fuck yes I'd complain about him so fast, and would most definitely class it is sexual harassment. It sounds horrific.

I think you're the one with grounds for complaint not him. It's almost perverted Asking about Strangers sex lives/fantAsies. They're your and your pArtners business.
You hVe a right to private life. It says so in the ECHR.
Let him complain if he so wishes and you wipe the floor with him. I fully Agree this is sexual HarrAssment.

I'd have told him where to get off there and then. Please complain, would you keep us updated?

I was but sadly think Alice is right. He's a creepy predator. This was abuse.

Don't just deal with this in your supervision meeting, put the complaint in writing - afterwards if necessary. This needs to be documented.

They can't rely on the fact that there were posters around about confidentiality. How on earth can they enforce it? As has been correctly pointed out, everyone who attended that session has a right to privacy under the Human Rights Convention and no-one should have been even asked to disclose their sexual fantasies, let alone pressured to do so by threats of this nature. In a way it's a shame you didn't go first, others might have followed your lead and that would have drawn the sting of his threats. Do you think any of the other participants would back you up in complaining?

What?

I did 3 years training as a therapist and at no point was I expected to discuss my sexual fantasies.

I reckon if your line manager is any kind of decent individual they'll laugh at the trainer for being such a dick!

Pay it no mind OP.

Bigger issue - some of these courses are of dubious merit. I went on one to do with racial discrimination, and it seemed to consist of getting the attendees to describe examples of discrimination but then doing nothing to point out why they were wrong. tbh I didn't want to hear some of those examples - I know they exist, anyone with any sense does, but it seemed more like an excuse for a bunch of (white) people to revel in how pc they were being simply by mentioning examples of racism.

Your course sounds similar.

Smaller issue - the trainer's complaint sounds ridiculous.

I worked in care and have done several courses on supporting service users regarding sexual behaviour and dealing with inappropriate sexual behaviour.

I have never been asked anything like that, it is so inappropriate and so out of order. There would never be a time when you are discussing your own sexual feelings/behaviour/fantasies with a service user.

All the courses I did focused on normal things like consent, dealing with inappropriate behaviour and how we could access sex education for service users suitable for their level of understanding. No one was asked anything about their own sex lives.

We were given tips if we felt uncomfortable taking to service users who brought up a question with us (things like arranging an appointment with the sexual health nurse or helping them speak with another staff member). No one was expected to be put in an uncomfortable position or disclose personal information.

It is just so wrong, this man needs to not be allowed this type of power. I agree with people who say he gets off on it.

Flipchart I have sent you a private message.

This is wholey inappropriate and unacceptable, I would be having a talk to my manager. This type of information is highly orivate and confidential, not to be shared with a roomful of people, your rights not to disclose as others should have been respected. It works both ways, for Most people sex and fantasies are private, to just be shared with ones partner or really close friends if pushed, the same goes for adults with LD who are entitled to the same privacy. How can they respect adults with LD privacy and confidentiality, if you are being harassed to revealing your most intimate feelings to a room full of people.

Ok here's my generous interpretation...
based on the fact that I have quite often had to endure poorly delivered training, where the course leader put participants through an exercise which they themselves hadn't understood the point of, and were unable to draw out the learning from (IYSWIM)
Now, this exercise violated particpants' expectations of privacy, decency- their boundaries. Perhaps in a similar way to how the boundaries of people with LD might not be respected. For eg, if a support worker clumsily tries to start a discussion about a service user's sexual behaviour in a non private setting, or where there is no existing relationship. So, to give some clue about how this might feel, a trainer might announce that participants would have to disclose private sexual information....and then ask them to talk about how that made them feel....but WITHOUT actually getting them to disclose.
Or he might just be an abusive power-tripper.

This must have been hideous for you, thankfully you have a lot of witnesses. I'd go to my boss ASAP in fact write it all down first so you don't miss anything out. Good for you for protesting, what a perv!

Shallishanti if that were the case, this crosses an ethical boundaries, the rights of trainees to withdraw from the excercise and their rights nit to reveal intimate details. Surely if that is the point of the excercise, the trainer woukd ask people something say less intimate and ask, eg what's the funniest thing thars ever happened to you. If people don't want to reveal, the trainer could then use it was an example if how a person with LD might feel if their privacy and confidentiality is not respected.

Somehow in the op, I don't think this is the case.

jet and flip - is this the same guy? Sounds like similar situations. In which case, double quick on complaint as he sounds dangerous.

I'd have walked out and been straight on the phone to my boss.

Terrible, terrible training.

Blimey. I was on a safeguarding course the other week where we were learning how to deal with upsetting disclosures amongst other things. We didn't have to do anything li,e that but more importantly at the beginning the trainer said if anyone was upset/needed a break at any time just to step outside and come in when ready.

You shouldn't be pressured to participate in anything never mind sexual fantasies.

You must complain - your employer is liable for putting you in a position which is at best inappropriate and possibly unlawful sexual harassment. Your employer need to know what's going on

Popalot I don't know if it is the same guy, I am trying to find out though.

In a weird kind of way, I'm glad the OP posted this and that you all are so horrified - it validates my feelings around the course I did and how it left both myself and my colleague feeling. We didn't complain though, he was well known for his alternative style of courses and we thought it was just is being hypersensitive

You need to report this. I was once in a training program at a bank that asked for examples of poor/illegal communications. I told them I had broker dealers speaking inappropriately to me on a regular basis. The instructor asked me how I managed it and I was truthful and told the man I told the broker dealer to call someone else if he bloody wanted to speak that way. Well he reported me for swearing at a customer. What he failed to understand is that a broker dealer is not necessarily a customer and the nature of the relationship if very different to that of a buy side customer. I nearly lost my job. It was the head of trading who stepped in and told HR to fuck off.

Report it to cover yourself. I fail to see how this had anything to do with your job. Kinda sick if you ask me.

YANBU, I'd complain.

My word. I have worked in social services with adults with disabilities for a very long time.
This is completely inappropriate and uneccasary. Complain complain complain.

Flip, I feel like I've hijacked your thread - my apologies

Wow just wow.

So inappropriate. A complete misuse of power.

Jetcat. I know time has passed but I'd consider still complaining.