Course trainer is going tocomplain about me to my boss.

[Flipchart]

I have recently transferred from working with children with disabilities to adults. I was on a course on Friday deling with sexuality and adults with LD.

In the afternoon we were asked to talk about sexual fantasies ie our own. You could see people weren't comfortable with this and some protested but got told that if they weren't comfortable about talking about such things how could we help people with learning disabilities who maybe not able to communicate their needs. After that you could people making stuff up and keeping it light. ( I know the stuff ws made up because in the fag break people were saying things like ' as if I'm going to tell that fuckin' perv what goes on in my head')

When it was my turn I refused point blank to tsay anything and said that to me sexual fantasies was for me to keep private or share with my DH. The trainer pushed me saying everyone else had contributed and that I wasn't being fair. I said if other people have chosen to take part that is their choice. I expect my right to privacy to be respected.

At the end of the course the trainer told me that he was going to complain about me to my boss for being 'obstructive'.

Quite frankly I don't give a shit. The trainer was from a bought in company who focus on training employees with working with people with disabilities and I work for a County Council.
Was I being obstructive or should I have taken prt in something that made me uncomfortable?

That's exactly what I thought, Alice

I 'd complain first

Surely a more appropriate exercise would have been a role play having been given made up details to discuss? (Still embarrassing but I get the point about needing to get over that to do the role.) You would never share your sexual fantasies with a vulnerable young adult in your care so it's not even as if you need to get over this particular squeamishness

I would have though attempting to compel someone to a room full of people (whether confidentiality was required or not you were still asked to tell the people in your group) could
be considered as an abuse of
position.
I talk to people about sex all day at work, I speak to whoever comes through my door and I have to modify my chat to whatever they need. I've never been asked to discuss my own sexual preferences to prove my 'comfort' with the subject. There's something not quite right about your senario, whether its a lack of sensitivity or something more sinister, you need to discuss this with some one higher up asap.

Yuk.

Just out of interest, were the majority of the trainees women?
Definitely using it as a means to get his kicks,please do complain!

Were you a bit tempted to say:
" Why yes,I have a recurring sexual fantasy,which I would dearly love to act on. It involves a group of pissed off trainees tying a big twat to a chair and leaving him there until he reassesses his appalling attitudes to women. Shall we get started?"

I'd complain about the course trainer. What a perv he sounds. Totally inappropriate in every way. Everybody should have refused to take part and said they didn't have fantasies.

YABU.
Disgusting in all forms! Ugh. defo complain

YANBU.
Sorry, My iphone obviously reckons your being unreasonable. YADNBU!!!

I train for a living. This is not right. I even train people to work with sex offenders. We never go down the route you have described.m it is seriously dodgy stuff. Complain. The LA should never use him again.

Also trainer here in sexual abuse, learning difficulties and youth. This sounds like nasty practices that happened years ago when the investment and awareness in sexual abuse was nothing like it is now and egotistical/sexually aggressive would get their rocks off conducting themselves exactly like this. Check with any org. in this field (Lucy Foundation, NSPCC and others) and none of them would encourage or tolerate this sort of conduct. I would press in supervision for a complaint to be forwarded to the training organisers.

I am in a uniquely perfect position on this thread... not quite MrsT - maybe 'very unique..'

really inappropriate behaviour from that course leader, you would not be discussing sexual fantasies with vulnerable adults. Let him complain, odd man.

I would definitely complain about the trainer. His inappropriate boundaries are very concerning considering the field.

I would see that as him sexually harassing me op.

Report to your HR/boss and your union if you are in one.

He sounds a pervert who needs to he stopped.

YANBU. The man sounds like a creep who gets paid to be pervy.

Absolutely vile. Please complain.

Report him OP, I've been on hundreds of training courses in my line (counselling) where the job revolves around being able to hear anything no matter what BUT in all these years I have never, ever been expected to share my sex life, it isn't relative to be able to hear/listen or halp anyone... What a perve the trainer was!

Horrifically inappropriate.

Send an email to your boss today to alert them to the fact that the trainer so out of order and that you'll be making a formal complaint when you see them on Weds - that way you are laying the groundwork to show that (on the off-chance he does make a complaint about you) you're not just reacting to his complaint but that you have serious misgivings about his training methods.

Plus it gives you time to get your complaint really well worded without being a knee jerk reaction to the situation you found yourself in. Break the complaint into several component parts - the fact that it was inappropriate in the first place - both because it's unrelated to what he said it was (and potentially doubly so because by making participants share this info in this context he implicitly implied that it was necessary to share this information with the people you're helping) and it's completely inappropriate to share this sort of info with people who are or might be colleagues, bosses or underlings regardless of confidentiality expectations; once you've heard that sort of thing you can never un-hear it and it could cause all sorts of embarrassing problems or pressures, the fact participants felt obliged to do this against their wishes, the fact that he reacted badly to you not wanting to share very personal information etc etc

Do you know if any of the other people on the course (your colleagues?) will also be putting in complaints?

I'd also want to see the guy's reasons for including this as an exercise in the training - is there really any research that shows this is necessary or a good idea - and if not, what the hell is it doing in there. I'd also want to know if the people that commissioned the training knew that it would be an exercise, why they thought it would be appropriate, what their reaction would be to people refusing to do it (they must have realised it was controversial) and if they said people need to be forced to do it or if they could opt out) and why you weren't warned about it in the first place.

I work in HR. If your complaint landed on my desk I would be straight onto our lawyer because that is indefensible and I would want to minimise the damage asap. While waiting for the lawyer all courses with the trainer would be suspended and a company representative would be sent to all other courses to monitor content and we would roll out our own evaluation forms.

Sounds like the trainer is a pervert and what you describe could well be deemed as sexual harrassment.

Blimey I'm not sure what's more shocking a) Him think this was acceptable or b) noone else refusing to take part

That's too big a coincidence - surely Jet and Flip hadone the same trainer?! Can you describe him Flip?

Gosh, I'd like to see the complaint that the trainer puts in - 'One of the attendees wouldn't discuss her sexual fantasies with us all. This obstructive behaviour disrupted the session'.

That is sexual harassment, an abuse of power and bullying.

Definitely complain, definitely let others know that you're going to.

I think I'd have refused then left and immediately made a formal complaint and let my manager know.

Hugely hugely inappropate at best.

Sue, the thought had crossed my mind that it was the same guy. Id prefer not to name him on here, but he was a young guy (this was a few years back) and he owned the training company. He was a forensic psychologist if my memory serves me right.