Course trainer is going tocomplain about me to my boss.

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I have recently transferred from working with children with disabilities to adults. I was on a course on Friday deling with sexuality and adults with LD.

In the afternoon we were asked to talk about sexual fantasies ie our own. You could see people weren't comfortable with this and some protested but got told that if they weren't comfortable about talking about such things how could we help people with learning disabilities who maybe not able to communicate their needs. After that you could people making stuff up and keeping it light. ( I know the stuff ws made up because in the fag break people were saying things like ' as if I'm going to tell that fuckin' perv what goes on in my head')

When it was my turn I refused point blank to tsay anything and said that to me sexual fantasies was for me to keep private or share with my DH. The trainer pushed me saying everyone else had contributed and that I wasn't being fair. I said if other people have chosen to take part that is their choice. I expect my right to privacy to be respected.

At the end of the course the trainer told me that he was going to complain about me to my boss for being 'obstructive'.

Quite frankly I don't give a shit. The trainer was from a bought in company who focus on training employees with working with people with disabilities and I work for a County Council.
Was I being obstructive or should I have taken prt in something that made me uncomfortable?

I would have left the course and made immediate contact with my manager.
I work for the NHS.
What action have you taken ( either on Friday or today?), I think you need to pursue this further. It sounds very odd and inappropriate on the part of the trainer, did anything else seem off or unusual about the trainer or the course?

Good god, that's so inappropriate, it's frightening.

Absolutely complain about the trainer, it's completely unacceptable and unprofessional.

You help others by being non judgemental and lhaving good listening skills, not by being willing to share highly private sexual fantasies with a bunch of strangers

I'm not in work untilL Wednesday. I worked at the weekend but no bosses around (on call if needed but it's not an emergency). I've got my supervision Wednesday morning so I will deal with it then.

I can't help worry about the impact his approach may have on someone who has been sexually abused; surely he wouldn't expect a participant to disclose that? So many people have experience of abuse.

OP - I have been on a very similar course and found it horrific. The trainer sat at the front, role played as an adult with learning disabities who then went on to describe his sexual fantasy involving an 8 year old girl. In very very graphic detail.

On top of that, we were also asked to discuss sexual fantasies and make some inappropriate ones up.

My poor colleage spent three months off sick when the trainer completely humiliated her - she had excused herself to go to the bathroom after the sexual fantasies talk as she felt really uncomfortable - on walking back in to the room the trainer said (and I quote..."
"We all know what you've been doing in the bathroom, look how flushed you are. Come here and let me smell your fingers". She walked out, as did most of the rest of us.

I really don't understand LA's feel the need to do training such as this!

You should never be made to disclose anything in training that makes you feel uncomfortable. I should imagine that many people would feel extremely uncomfortable in that situation for a whole variety of reasons, and he should not have berated you for not sharing.

Please report this trainer ASAP, at best he is an extremely poor trainer.

Hopefully you can get it sorted out when you have your supervision on Wednesday, the behaviour of the trainer sounds really disturbing.

I am in a uniquely perfect position on this thread, having been a worked with an Adults with LD team, having taken training on sexual abuse more than once and being a facilitator myself.

YANBU. From the POV of a SS employee, a trainer and someone who has dealt with adults with LD making decisions about sex, capacity and abuse. In fact, you having good boundaries around your own stuff is excellent. Good practice.

Absolutely complain.

My God.

The council paid for this training course? Incredible.

Did he do groundrules at the beginning?

You are not being aibu, complain about him, it was totally inappropriate...it was also not good practice in relation to working with people with LD, is he implying that you should be sharing your fantasies with a service user??

Onepeice - the situation you described in your post (people who have been abused ) is exactly why my colleague (and friend) and I found it so distressing

It is shocking jet in fact IMO the way the trainer behaved is abusive itself.

I'm going out for the day now so not disappearing!

I was a snr training officer for social work for years....we would never have conducted training like this

YANBU. The trainer is prob seriously deranged. Would suggest you see your Manager first & go through the grievance procedure.

Horribly inappropriate. You did the right thing and your boss needs to know about it.

Another vote for complaining about the trainer. Creepy!

Fuck me, Jetcat, that's horrendous.

Totally inappropriate OP, I'd be interested in the response you get during supervision.

We all have a right to a private life. It's enshrined in the Human Rights Act! This is a complete breach of that right. I'd be telling my boss that if I were you!

jetcat that is horrific!

jetcat

When adults with disabilities are discussing / disclosing their sexual activity the response of a support worker does NOT come from a place of their OWN self confidence or personal security with their sexual fantasises. That's bonkers training.
A response comes from non judgemental listening, fact checking (issues of vulnerability) and maintaining appropriate boundaries. I'd complain about the training/ trainer as a group of adults discussing their (made up) sexual fantasies are not moving forward in dealing with a service user (s) discolsure in a helpful, positive and appropriately supportive fashion! (Though I am sure many of them would. Just not from that training).

There is no way that guy will complain. He said that to scare you. It's the 'professional' version of 'mummy will be cross if she knows about this.' He sounds very much like an abuser getting his rocks off by exploiting the training situation to have his own live porn session. I would report him and follow it up - he needs to be fired.

I think the guy is a 'predator'.He is (ab)using his position of authority to mislead and then coerce you into saying these things to give him his kicks.When you challenge him he threatens you.
I would ring his training company today and alert them before he does it again.
To be honest I think it is probably a police matter.I think it is sexual harassment

OMG I would NEVER do this!!!

I would definitely make a formal complaint about the trainer!!