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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think its ok for my kids to stay with my parents

82 replies

seriouslypeedoff · 21/03/2015 09:57

My mum and dad own a caravan. During the summer months they take my DC to it for the odd weekend. And in the summer holidays me and dh will go too.

My Dbro wife told me its irresponsible to let mum and dad take the kids for 2 nights to their caravan. My kids are 11 and 5 and my mum and dad actually ask to take them. It does make life easier for me and dh, as we obviously get a weekend off. However I don't ask my parents to take them, they ask me. They went once last year and the kids loved it. Mum and dad aren't particularly old or in bad health and have a great relationship with all their gc. My parent have also offered to take dbro and sils kids on a different weekend (i think they would struggle with 4 kids at once) which they refused. Fair enough.

I have to admit that when sil said this I was shocked and pointed out that she left her ds with her 14 year old cousin over night while sil, dbro and the cousins parents stayed in a hotel an hour away. I didn't say anything to her at the time as that was her decision as its her child. I was trying to point out that, its not really anything to do with her and she does stuff I wouldn't do. She was very offended and walked out if the kitchen. Dbro says she is annoyed with me. I feel a but 'meh' about her being upset tbh. I told dbro that she needs to keep her nose out of my business and not to start commenting if she can't take it back.

We already have a strained relationship as she like to tell me exactly what she thinks of my parenting choices. Ie I shouldn't work, I should baptise my kids (even though she hasn't baptised either of hers) etc. Usually i change the subject as I am close to my brother and don't want to fall out. Tbh she is a good mum, but just parents different to me. So I don't see a reason to comment on her choices. My nephews are safe and loved.

So aibu to let my kids go with my mum and dad? Also was ibu to point out that she has done similar things or things that I wouldn't do and still keep my mouth closed.

Thanks

OP posts:

cleanmyhouse · 21/03/2015 10:00

No, you are not even being a tiny bit unreasonable. Kids get a wee holiday, grandparents get quality time with kids, you get a break. Win-win-win.

Ignore her. Repeatedly.

cleanmyhouse · 21/03/2015 10:03

Oh, and P.S, my Ds's are staying with their GP (who live a few hundred miles away) for a week at easter and a month in the summer. They love it. All of them.

Laquitar · 21/03/2015 10:04

Hmm your parents are happy to havethem. You are happy. The children are happy (and safe and looked after well).

It is all good then and no sil's business.

M00nUnit · 21/03/2015 10:05

No YNBU to let your kids go on a holiday with their GPs which they'll clearly all enjoy and YDNBU to stand up for yourself and point out SIL's unreasonableness to her when she has the audacity to criticise your parenting.

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2015 10:08

YABU to feel the need to ask if you are being unreasonable to do what 1000s of happy kids and grandparents do on a daily basis.

Just ignore her.

HappydaysArehere · 21/03/2015 10:09

She is jealous. Would like the same situation. You know your parents and you know they care about the children as you do.

icklekid · 21/03/2015 10:10

My 8 month old is going to stay over at grandparents over easter by himself so you are definitely nbu! Just let her sulk and your brother can sort it out!

Meow75 · 21/03/2015 10:11

She says these silly things because she's found that she can get away with them and feel superior in some way.

Call her on them ... if you can be arsed ... every single time.

My stock phrase would be "How is it different to ..." because then you are bouncing it right back at her and she cannot fail to see what an idiot she's being.

If it seems to fit, you can always finish the conversation with something like "Right then, stop commenting on the way I raise my children"

I suspect when she stops being able to feel superior she'll give up. If anyone, like DBro gives you any grief, just tell him that you love him but you don't see why you should put up with her disapproval of you doing things THAT SHE DOES/DOESN'T DO HERSELF!!!!

Goose and gander, OP.

WorraLiberty · 21/03/2015 10:12

Do your PIL offer to take her DC to their caravan?

Kampeki · 21/03/2015 10:14

Of course yanbu!

MinceSpy · 21/03/2015 10:15

Your parent's invite their grandchildren to stay with them at their caravan, your children are allowed to go but your DB/SIL decline. Your not doing anything wrong and nor are they.

Just tell your SIL what you've told us - she's a good mum and parents differently to you but she needs to keep her comments to herself.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 21/03/2015 10:16

I can't imagine anybody in my life feeling it was appropriate to make this kind of comment to me. What is her malfunction?

Original poster

seriouslypeedoff · 21/03/2015 10:22

Thank you felt like I was in a parallel universe after working ti dbro. He seems to agree with sil regarding the kids staying with my parents. My dh thinks its probably as he feels he should side with his wife. Which could be true, but made me think maybe it was wrong

Meow I think I need to. I just used to let it ho for family harmony. I love my nephews and she is the type to stop ne seeing them if she isn't happy. That's why mum and dad don't pick her up on it when she does this in their house. Dbro tends to throw strops too, storm out and slams doors (he is in his 40s) when he doesn't like something. Growing up I was always the chilled out one because I was fed up of the shouting he used to do. Nothing seemed worth getting that upset about.

OP posts:

Scrounger · 21/03/2015 10:26

My SIL does the same or sits there with a cats bum face to register her disapproval. I think in her case lik a pp suggested she wants to feel superior. I've had my fill now especially as the last time she kept pushing something, and her DB (my DH) was stood next to me but she didn't address it to him, I said "My child my choice" and she stormed off. I will see her as little as possible which is a shame as the cousins get on but I've had enough shit.

As parents we don't get it all right, so long as we try and love our children it'll work out ok. She does things I wouldn't do and it's the same the other way. I just wish she would respect that different isn't better or wose just different.

Original poster

seriouslypeedoff · 21/03/2015 10:29

worra I am confused, my pil don't have a caravan. My parents do and my op says my parents have asked.

OP posts:

Scrounger · 21/03/2015 10:30

OP your brother sounds like my SIL, she throws strops to stop people questionning or disagreeing with her. My DH is also the peacekeeper and negotiator who keeps things running smoothly. Unfortunately cracks are starting to appear.

Creatureofthenight · 21/03/2015 10:36

I fail to see why anyone would have a problem with children staying with grandparents who are willing, able and happy to have them.
Does she have a problem with caravans?

Finola1step · 21/03/2015 10:38

I'd be tempted to get her to explain why she thinks the GPs shouldn't be looking after the gc on their own. I would want to know exactly what she is implying. Does she think you parents won't look after the dc properly? Is it too much for them?

What's her relationship like with your parents?

Original poster

seriouslypeedoff · 21/03/2015 10:39

scrounger that's it exactly. We used to all go to mums for tea once a month. But stopped it, I told mum if she carried on I would say something. Mum doesn't want me to. Although it winds her up and she doesn't want an argument in front of the kids. Dad is also fed up of it and told mum he would step in. Since mum doesn't want anything saying we tend to not go now.

OP posts:

gotthemoononastick · 21/03/2015 10:47

OP,we are the old people (excitedly jumping up and down)receiving our 'tavelling unaccompanied' grandchildren at airports!Some travel across continents!

Other grandchildren,(local) are not really allowed to stay over by their parents.

We take what we get and do not question this.People parent differently.

Let your children enjoy their holiday and don't discuss the ins and outs.

Some relations think we are being taken mean advantage of by other relations...we don't give a fig and mark off the calendar,until we can all play for a few weeks again!

pourmeanotherglass · 21/03/2015 10:51

Have they given a reason why they think you shouldn't do it? Does she think the children are unsafe?

If you, your children, and your parents are all happy to do this, I can't think why anyone would question it.

My parents don't have a caravan, but have often had my 2 girls to stay at their house over the years. Usually for a few days in the school holidays. It is nice for grandparents and grandchildren to have some time together without the parents around.

lertgush · 21/03/2015 11:30

I sent my 11yo as an unaccompanied minor across the Atlantic to stay with her grandparents...

HazleNutt · 21/03/2015 11:38

So what part does she think is irresponsible? Your DC are not too small to be away from parents. Your parents are not too old to manage them. They are not going to a war zone. So what's her issue?

My parents regularly take my niece on holidays (and not just caravan, but also 2 weeks in Thailand and similar) and are already asking when my DS will be old enough to be sent to theirs for the summer.

HamishBamish · 21/03/2015 11:44

YANBU, it's lovely for the children to spend some time alone with their grandparents. Our 2 are going to stay at their GP's for 4 days (and nights) over the easter break. They're only 20 minutes drive away and yes, we could drive them back and forth each day, but they have asked to sleep over (they are 7 and 5 btw).

Unless your SIL has a genuine reason why she feels it's unsafe for your DC to spend time with their GP's, then she should mind her own business.

RocketInMyPocket · 21/03/2015 11:45

Has she explained why you shouldn't let them stay with GP's (I'm betting the explanation would be interesting )

She sounds a bit potty, and your DB should go and see a GP about the thumb print ingrained in his forehead.

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