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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its ok for my kids to stay with my parents

82 replies

seriouslypeedoff · 21/03/2015 09:57

Hi

My mum and dad own a caravan. During the summer months they take my DC to it for the odd weekend. And in the summer holidays me and dh will go too.

My Dbro wife told me its irresponsible to let mum and dad take the kids for 2 nights to their caravan. My kids are 11 and 5 and my mum and dad actually ask to take them. It does make life easier for me and dh, as we obviously get a weekend off. However I don't ask my parents to take them, they ask me. They went once last year and the kids loved it. Mum and dad aren't particularly old or in bad health and have a great relationship with all their gc. My parent have also offered to take dbro and sils kids on a different weekend (i think they would struggle with 4 kids at once) which they refused. Fair enough.

I have to admit that when sil said this I was shocked and pointed out that she left her ds with her 14 year old cousin over night while sil, dbro and the cousins parents stayed in a hotel an hour away. I didn't say anything to her at the time as that was her decision as its her child. I was trying to point out that, its not really anything to do with her and she does stuff I wouldn't do. She was very offended and walked out if the kitchen. Dbro says she is annoyed with me. I feel a but 'meh' about her being upset tbh. I told dbro that she needs to keep her nose out of my business and not to start commenting if she can't take it back.

We already have a strained relationship as she like to tell me exactly what she thinks of my parenting choices. Ie I shouldn't work, I should baptise my kids (even though she hasn't baptised either of hers) etc. Usually i change the subject as I am close to my brother and don't want to fall out. Tbh she is a good mum, but just parents different to me. So I don't see a reason to comment on her choices. My nephews are safe and loved.

So aibu to let my kids go with my mum and dad? Also was ibu to point out that she has done similar things or things that I wouldn't do and still keep my mouth closed.

Thanks

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 21/03/2015 17:00

I agree with your dad she sounds spoiled and can't handle not being centre of attention her ego sounds massive

Jackieharris · 21/03/2015 17:21

Your sil sounds bonkers!

BoyScout · 21/03/2015 17:36

How sad that she's like this. I can see how tense it must make you all and your brother is clearly influenced by her. But you worry about losing him, understandably.

No words of advice really, just sympathy.

Original poster
seriouslypeedoff · 21/03/2015 18:09

Thank you all. Just had words with mum over it. Now feel awful. Sil has suggested that we don't really want the kids to go, but feel bad telling mum and dad. So mum called asking me if that was the case. It kind of all came flooding out. Dad came on the phone and calmed me down. They are on their way round to see us. Dad said he didn't realise how much it was upsetting me. Not really sure whether to just have it out with dbro and sil. Fed up of them interfering.

Dh thinks I should just tell her to fuck off next time Grin

OP posts:
Scrounger · 21/03/2015 20:02

Wow, she has overstepped from being snide to manipulating it, why what does she get from it?

Scrounger · 21/03/2015 20:03

Maybe she wants their family to be the centre of attention for all GPs, her own parents and her in laws.

BlackeyedSusan · 21/03/2015 21:56

Sil has suggested that we don't really want the kids to go, but feel bad telling mum and dad. So mum called asking me if that was the case.

Shock

she did what?

oh my goodness she is a right piece of work.

ilovelamp82 · 22/03/2015 02:35

I think your dh has the right idea.

But seriously, next time you are all together i would say to your sister in law. "I understand that you called my Mum saying I didn't want her taking her Grandchildren away to the caravan. i'm a little confused as when we spoke about this, I said the exact opposite as we, the kids and my parents all love it.".....

And just let her explain her way out of it infront of everyone.

squoosh · 22/03/2015 03:53

What a knob she is. Zip her into a one man tent and then stitch it up.

TheMaddHugger · 22/03/2015 05:43

I've got a Sil like this.

She isnt happy unless she is pitting people against each other

Dont know why, dont care

((((Hugs))))) OP

workadurka · 22/03/2015 08:08

What a nasty self absorbed cow. I feel sorry for her kids.

I'd be tempted to make passive aggressive comments about how lazy SAHMS who palm their kids off on their GPs once a week are...

Original poster
seriouslypeedoff · 22/03/2015 08:08

Mum and dad brought donuts round! Bless them.Grin

Mum actually changed her tune last night. Mum is like me, people say stuff and it makes her unhappy but she lets it go. And she is fed up of it. She says that when she says something she ends up feeling like the one causing the trouble. She then said that, that is how she treats me. That sil says what she wants but if I answer back, its me that is causing a fuss. Makes me feel I am the one causing trouble if I say anything. But now she said I can handle it how I want and if she doesn't like it its get problem. And if dbro doesn't like it its, his problem too. She saw how upset I was and hates that I don't visit her much anymore (because sil turns up) and isn't living like this because of her.

I think for mum and dad sil really over stepped the mark by trying to stop mum and dads relationship with my kids. Dad rang her last night and said 'I am with Seriously now, no need to worry she is more than happy for us to take the kids we are all looking forward to it. I don't know where you got that she didn't want us to take them. We have a great relationship with seriously and if she has any issues she comes to us, so no need for your 'help' in future.'

Dad is really quiet, but when he speaks he has a way of making it clear he is unhappy. Sil mumbled apology for the 'misunderstanding'.

Sil is tells lies quite alot but I don't really know why. She had her kids very close together, she was pregnant before her ds1 was 4 months. I have a much bigger gap. For some reason she started telling people that when she told me I had said I wished I had had a small gap between mine. Which I don't and never said. I never understood why she said it. She didn't gain anything out of it. She asked me if she was mad having such a small gap and I said 'no, if its what you want. Having kids is hard. If you have a small gap its hard and a big gap its hard. Just different types of hard'.

I don't get it. But I feel much better ladies, thank you. This thread prompted the out burst and mum yesterday. For the last few years I kept questioning if it was just me being a crap sil. Mum has got dnephews today so I am going round for cuddles. Smile

OP posts:
SocialMediaAddict · 22/03/2015 08:24

She sounds like a pain the arse.

Hakluyt · 22/03/2015 08:38

There are many mumsnetters who seem to think children should never spend a night away from home. They are loons too.

Icimoi · 22/03/2015 08:45

I'm intrigued, when she goes on about having your children baptised, have you pointed out that she hasn't had hers baptised? What does she say?

Original poster
seriouslypeedoff · 22/03/2015 08:50

icimoi its hasn't come up for a while, since mum told her she couldn't afford £1300 for the food. The last I heard they were still planning it. But the last day she gave us last year (early march) has been and gone, without a word......maybe I should casually drop it into conversation? 'so what date is the baptism, so I can keep the weekend free?' Then 'but I thought you felt EVERYONE should have their kids baptised asap?' Grin

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 22/03/2015 09:46

Oh it all came spilling out to your parents good for you hope you feel loads better for it your mum and dad sound ace your sil is a frigging drama llama

Yay4may · 22/03/2015 12:41

Can I adopt your parents???? Mine are far away my kids love caravan holidays and I like donuts??

LaLyra · 22/03/2015 13:18

She sounds like one of those people who think you must agree with her and just can't say. Ergo, she doesn't want her kids to go with your parents so you must be struggling to say the same.

I hope your chat/burst with your parents helps. You need to make a deal with each other that you just disregard her saying anything about the others.

Original poster
seriouslypeedoff · 22/03/2015 16:48

Thanks MrsJay

yay4may I am very lucky. They are great. But I will let you adopt them if you adopt SIL too! Grin

lalyra mum said that too, always ignore what she says.

Thanks again ladies! This has really helped. Flowers

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 22/03/2015 17:04

ynbu. But could it be a case of the green eyed monster coming out in her.
thinking very deeply here but does your mum and dad mAke more of your kids than hers because they are their daughters kids. Do your parents ask them their paternal grandchildren to stAy As well. my nan always mAde more of me and my sister. My mum hAs brothers and my nan used to say. You're always closer to your maternal grandchildren than you are to your paternal grandchildren as they Are another women's children.
Other than that it's none of her business where her your kids stay And for how long.

ImperialBlether · 22/03/2015 17:07

She is a loon.

I don't think you and your mum should always have to invite her if you want to go away for the weekend. Why shouldn't you have a weekend on your own with your mum? She does it with her mum, doesn't she?

Original poster
seriouslypeedoff · 22/03/2015 20:17

ilive no my parents help them out far more. Regularly have their kids for whole days, babysit for nights out every other week. My parents have asked loads of times to have their kids overnight, they always say no. Mum has to go there to babysit and come home in the early hours. Me and dh have always worked but we have been able to organise so one of us was always at home. Now we work for ourselves so organise work around child care. Mum doesn't have mine on a regular basis and we don't go out that much. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year. So we have never needed mum and dad to have ours. Dbro and sil have a much larger social circle than we are and always have birthday parties, engagements, weddings etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
seriouslypeedoff · 22/03/2015 20:20

imperial mum said that. Mum told her exactly that. And that she wouldn't apologise for spending time with me.

OP posts:
FryOneFatManic · 22/03/2015 20:30

If SIL thinks that kids should only stay away from their parents for no more than one night, she's setting those kids up for some serious disappointment in later life.

What about school trips, etc? Those kids will end up feeling left out in school and there's the risk that bullies could use this as their 'in' for bullying.