To think we have lost sight of what "thin" looks like as much as what "fat" looks like

[marmitenot]

Hi
My daughter is recovering (well) from anorexia. At her worst she was on the 3rd centile for weight for her height and age. The terrifying thing is that she did not look any different to many girls in her year at school and certainly nowhere near as skinny as many women/teens in the public eye. As parents we had no idea that she was dangerously underweight as she didn't look different to many of her peers.

There has been a lot of publicity of how society's perception of what is overweight has changed. Aibu to think that the same has happened with the perception of what is underweight is.

My daughter is now in the healthy weight range with a bit more to go, but out of danger and heading in the right direction.

At her lowest it was 16

Being very underweight is every bit as bad as being overweight and I blame the fashion industry for idealising such an unrealistic body shape for women.

I don't think it's that simple to just blame an industry.

I think children and teens have never been more confused than they are today. They're getting the eat healthily and exercise daily message from their teachers, parents and doctors.

Yet look how many of those teachers, parents and doctors are overweight themselves.

It's similar to telling them they mustn't smoke, but with a fag hanging out of your mouth.

When I was at school, weight/healthy eating etc was discussed nowhere near as much as it is today and the majority of role models around me weren't obese.

I'd say kids are more confused than ever with the 'do as I say and not as I do' message they're getting.

At her lowest she had a bmi of 16 yet did not look significantly underweight compared to her peers.

That's probably because, even at a BMI of 16, that isn't really dangerously underweight, a bit, but not massively so.

What weight and height was she OP?

Which brings me back to the original point, the only reason this BMI puts her on the 3rd centile, is that such a high number of other 15 year olds are overweight (and therefore have a higher BMI)

marmite you don't know what her peers weigh and at that end of the chart half a stone would make a massive difference. A naturally slight, slim girl will be eating well, be active and have a higher muscle tone. So she will probably be heavier than she looks.

This 3rd percentile and healthy would probably be a smaller girl who has not gone through puberty.

If you look at videos of the spice girls they all actually look pretty chubby compared to girl bands now.

i wasted my younger yrs battling anorexia.My bmi was 15.5.My periods stopped and my parents were warned i could die as i totally stopped eating.I lost weight again when the dcs were born and the thought of not being well enough to care for them was the kick up the bum i needed.
You are right my mum thought she was fat at a size 16 and spent yrs dieting before giving up..she is a size 24 now.My Dad is diabetic due to his love of food.
I am now a very healthy happy size 10 and people refer to me as skinny!! I am not i just dont want to be too thin or morbidly obese like some of my family or my DH who had a heart attack and still hasnt lost weight.There are health issues with both extremes i have seen first hand.
I hope your DD continues to do well and this can be something that happened in her past :)

OP - I think the problem you are suffering with is at the lower end, the physical looking difference between "thin but in the healthy range" and "thin but unhealthy" isn't that big, and different thin woman carry their thinnest differently. We are used to woman being at the top end of the healthy range, so a bit chubby then only viewing at fat when at lot above what is healthy. In the same way some woman can be above the healthy BMI and really not look much fatter than a woman within the healthy range, some can be below the healthy range and not look that different to those within it, your DD probably was one of those.

I was a size 4/6 when a teenager, but eating well above 2000 calories, just doing a lot of exercise and being naturally thin. I never dropped outside of the BMI healthy range for my height.

And Amanda Holden doesn't look underweight to me, just about right for her frame.

A BMI of 16 is dangerously underweight and it's irresponsible to suggest otherwise battery

I also am often told I look 'ill' or 'too thin' I'm a size 8 and 8 1/2 stone, so perfectly healthy. I work in a primary school and sadly see more and more over weight children every year, although I would say that our yr 6 is predominately full of very thin or overweight children and children that are a 'normal' weight seem to now be in the minority.
I hope you dd continues to improve

It isn't dangerously underweight for a child northern, only an adult which is why this percentile stuff doesnt work well with teenagers.

I tend to agree, I think we are much more polarised now. If you look at photos of people in the 60s/70s/80s there are far fewer extremes now, when I was growing up in the 80s size 10-12 was considered about right, 14 was overweight and 8 was heading towards skinny. Nowadays there are a huge amount of (probably) size 16+ women, but celebs and role models need to be skinnier and skinnier, if you look at picture of popstars in the 70s/80s, they were probably size 10/12 but look massive compared to the average popstar nowadays.

just seen she had a BMI of 16, for many teens, a BMI of 18 would easily be within the healthy range for them, and it's often hard to tell in clothes a couple of points. Espcially with younger teens, who might have rounder faces, not much muscle etc.

spjppp - "people think a size 14 is normal size, I'm regularly called too skinny by (fat) people when I'm a 8 and a perfectly healthy size.

Actually size 14 is a normal size for some people. With a BMI of 23/24 I am a size 14 (sadly currently a bit higher than that). That is healthy. As an anorexic at 19 I could only just squeeze myself into a size 8 stop and size 10 bottoms despite having a BMI of 15.

A size 8 may be a perfectly healthy size for some people, but it is dangerously thin for others.

I think we have forgotten that there is a range of healthy. I'm really happy that my kids have appropriate BMIs for their age and builds (centimes 40, 45 and 60) but I had raised eyebrows from a friend the other day when I mentioned this - the implication being that we should always be gunning for a lower BMI.

Similarly when I was a healthy adult with a BMI of 23.5 I came under some criticism for being too big.

It is very sad that some posters are suggesting that a bmi of 16 isn't dangerously underweight. At a bmi of 16 my daughter was at significantly increased risk of osteoporosis, fertility problems, heart failure, and anaemia. If it had continued for any length of time she would have been a very unhealthy child. As I said the health professionals took this very seriously and she was a week away from hospitalisation.

The point I am making is that despite the undoubted truth that children have become heavier over the past 20 to 30 years my daughter who was severely underweight was not noticeable as such within a group of her peers.

My view is that the number of children who are overweight has increased but that the same has happened at the other end particularly in the teenage girls group.

I agree we've lost sight, people seem to think that what's 'average' is the key they should be going off instead of what's healthy.

Recent pic of Amanda Holden. How on earth is she wasting away?

My view is that the number of children who are overweight has increased but that the same has happened at the other end particularly in the teenage girls group.

So how does that explain the obesity statistics?

Something is definitely different now. I am in my late thirties and I remember being in my twenties, maybe counting calories and keeping an eye on my weight (and I also suffered from anorexia as a teenager). However, all my twenty something colleagues are either stick thin and on faddy healthy eating regimes cutting out whole food groups (carbs, dairy...) or there is the odd one who is overweight. Eating normally and not taking part in extreme sports (say, tough mudder or marathon des sables) is considered a major character flaw. (I say this as a participant in long-distance cycling events but nothing as crazy as London to Paris in 24 hours.)

who has said a bmi of 16 isn't underweight? I have only said it isn't underweight for a child.

Incidentally I'm a size 8-10 with a BMI of 21.5 and look distinctly pudgy next to my late twenty something colleagues!

I am afraid I don't know whether the obesity statistics say.

Eg they may say 30% of adults are obese but that doesn't stop 25% of teenage girls being underweight. Indeed even if they said 25% of girls are overweight that might not prevent 25% of girls having an unhealthy bmi.

It would be very interesting to see that stats for the other end of the scale.

i think because of what youre experiencing and living, youre maybe looking too much into it. You dont know any of these other girls weights or diets or anything, just what they look like, and tbh i think obsessions with the bodies of girls, whether theyre too fat or too thin or what is the right shape or weight or size is what causes eating disorders.