This isn't sexist at all.

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

It is sexist. I would put money on it that if a woman was on the team you wouldn't text her dh to cook, she would probably be added to the cooking rota.

Maybe she was rude but some people get pissed off with sexism and gender stereotyping.

But wouldn't it be equally nice for the men to cook for each other? They could discuss what they were going to cook, try to out do each other etc...

Can you imagine this happening in a workplace which predominately had female workers? Oh our DHs cook our dinners....does your's want to join in?

bit out
the underlining was to emphasise the point that the team could be all women, or mixed or whatever
but THEY have to deal

the sexist bit was you assumed she would provide the meal, not her DH. If her DH wanted to join the rota and ask his DW if she would mind helping him by doing the meal while he did something else domestic, that would be different, but by contacting her, you assumed providing a meal for the men was "woman's work" - something you have accepted enough thta you all think it's reasonable that the one unmarried man in the rota isn't expected to provide a meal of a similar type as the others, becuase of course he doesn't have a wife to do it for him and you've just accepted cooking is 'woman's work'.

1. Is your DH a fire fighter or a police officer? Just interested...

2. Why on earth are you using your DH's phone to message some other bloke's phone to get him to pass on a message to his wife? she probably thinks that is hugely strange and boundary crossing.

3. Nothing in any of your posts explains why the poor feeble men don't just cook their own food and take it in with them.

4. If you sent me that text (well, sent that text to my DH) I would think you were insane. Utterly crazy.

5. The whole thing sounds inherently sexist.

Surely the "boot on the other foot" scenario would be a group of female workers who have a rota for their DHs to come round once a week and empty the bins, mow the lawn and tile the bathroom?

Talkin has it perfect, IMO.

In an individual marriage if it works better for the spouse to cook the meal that the night shift partner takes in, then perfect.

I agree it's sexist/weird if it's the expectation that "all the wives" cook for "all the men".

Some of you are missing the point

Nothing wrong with a communal meal, in fact it's a lovely idea

The idea that it's all about the wives cooking for their husbands is what's bonkers. It doesn't sound like any of the men do any of the cooking at all. Wtf?

This "vaginas don't cook stews any better than a pair of balls"
I work nights and my bloke doesn't cook me a stew to take

talkin I think we would have got that by what you said but thanks for making it clear

(((((Cunning)))))

LTB

Well if they are fire fighters then all the ones I know cook for themselves and the whole shift.

I , for one, think if it's your choice to do it, cook to your hearts content for every bloke in sight, if you so wish. Choosing to do it is not sexist.

HOWEVER, if you had sent my partner that text, I wouldn't have replied rudely. I would just wait until my night, where all of your blokes would be served a bowl of smart price beans , and would dare any of them to 'say something' .

'Vaginas don't cook stews any better than a pair of balls'

That would be the best wall transfer thing ever

I think OP has been very gracious here, in the face of almost unanimous faces and YABUs.

Her post at 18:11:29 about it not having to be spicy food was in answer to something i posted i think, saying not everyone would jump at the chance to cook extra spicy food - OP had given this as a reason to enjoy cooking for a big group of men adults.

I agree that the main problem was the way the message was conveyed. The new guy will have worked out that the food everyone else is eating every night is prepared by the wives on rota, and if he wanted to join in (or ask his partner to) then it is for him or her, the partner, to offer.

All that needed to happen was for your husband to welcome the new team member and ask if he'd like to be involved in the communal meal.
You didn't need to contact her at all, much less via her husband's phone with the message, even if unspoken that she needs to toe the line.
I'm not surprised she was pissed off.

eddielizzard you don't think a team of male shift workers pressuring a new employee's wife to participate in batch cooking for them is sexist?

By very definition she has nothing to do with the work they participate in, she's not an employee. Expecting the new guy's wife to batch cook food for them all is stereotyping in the extreme, hence the Stepford comments - it assumes she has no commitments of her own, is happy and able to cook... basically, it harks back to the day when women were considered mere extensions to men in employment terms, or when their careers were considered secondary e.g. women had to fight for equal pay, because women don't need to keep a family on their wages, do they? [;)]

Pressuring this poor woman via text is very sexist.

Ridiculous and sexist. If I got a text from my husband's colleague's wife suggesting I join the wife rota to cook all the men dinner, I would struggle to refrain from counter-suggesting you go fuck yourself.

Oh please, not fire-fighters cooking

I was based in an office in a fire station for a month
how EFFING loud can a group of men be about cooking and then washing up?
clang bloody clang for an hour

and the food smelt rank

Great thought Dido. These men really should be doing this, just to be fair. OP should get a new bathroom, kitchen and extension, at the very least...

I really want to know what the text exchange said now.

' it just so happens all the workers are heterosexual men'

'It just so happens it's the women who cook'

This is how sexism is. It's almost never overt.

The key thing for me would be, if a woman had joined the team, would you have texted her DP/DH to ask him to join the rota? But I still don't get why the existing team members didn't tell him and leave it to him to mention to his wife.

Oh and I'm a bit puzzled re the George Foreman grill etc, if they were purchased collectively and used by everyone in turn at home, how does that work?

Hi Steve's missus, this is Piper's Dh's missus. Just wanted to let you know that about every nightshift all us wives cook up a big meal for the lads and wanted to invite you to join in. Something easy like a curry is fine, love Piper x

Was it something like this op? If so I suspect she got the hump at one or more of the following:

The implication that anyone might think this might be fun
The implication that providing for the men is her responsibility
The idea that men can't even look after themselves at work
The frame of reference that negates her as a person and reduces her to "Steve's missus".

My DH sorts out his own packed lunch for work. If he expected me to do that for him, I'd already be , but if I was then expected to provide a hefty meal for him and all his colleagues, each week, I'd feel quite within my rights to "throw a strop", as you so delicately put it.

IOW, I would say no.