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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't sexist at all.

999 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 17:55

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 20/03/2015 18:22

If it's all cooked at home why don't the men cook it at home and practise 'stepping it up' themselves?

DownAtFraggleRock · 20/03/2015 18:22

I'm just picturing her rightly outraged face when that text came in and her DH showed her...

'FUCK THAT!'

ilovemargaretatwood8931 · 20/03/2015 18:23

How did she 'pull a strop' though? Did she just refuse to join in or criticise you all? Please elaborate!

BitOutOfPractice · 20/03/2015 18:23

The new "wife" (everyone is married?!) is right. Why the bloody hell can't the "men" (are there really no women in this workplace?!) cook at home and take the food in?

She's right. It does sound 1950s.

And sending me a message like that via my husband would only make it worse, not better.

Pipbin · 20/03/2015 18:23

So to get this straight:
The men all work a night shift. Each shift a partner of one of the men cooks a big meal that their husband/partner then takes into work and shares it with the others.

I don't think it is sexist as such. I happens that all the working people are heterosexual men.
However, I would be less than happy with this arrangement as it would mean a load of work once a week or so.

This seems to be an agreement amongst friends and if she doesn't want to do it then fine. It's no business of anyone else.

Teeb · 20/03/2015 18:23

But why do you think it's okay to ask a woman to cook a meal for her husbands work colleagues? What's she got to do with it? Vaginas don't cook stews any better than a pair of balls.

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 18:24

Us partners do the rota due to the fact that we do have a life.

OP posts:
iklboo · 20/03/2015 18:24

I'd be fecked if I'd cook enough sodding curry for 20 blokes plus side dishes no matter what the gap in the scheduling.

ScotsWhaHae · 20/03/2015 18:25

I'd opt out.

My dh wouldn't want any of the meals cooked by anyone else so I'd resent getting roped into cooking for everyone else. Or even paying for the ingredients.

TheBookofRuth · 20/03/2015 18:25

I am completely flabbergasted that such an arrangement exists in this day and age. I think my grandma would've found it a bit old-fashioned and sexist!

Nevercallmehun · 20/03/2015 18:25

If you 'invited' me to cook for dh's colleagues I'd be a bit wtf! You invite people to do nice things like eat cakes or drink wine not do a massive favour/chore. I think I'd invite you to fuck off.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 20/03/2015 18:25

What a load of bollocks. Of course it's sexist.

Camolips · 20/03/2015 18:26

Ladies, if you are on a dating website and see 'gsoh, must be able to cook spicy food for 20'. RUN!!

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 18:27

I had a very unpleasant text back, I just didn't want to leave her out or make it seem like this was a click with in the work place.

OP posts:
showtunesgirl · 20/03/2015 18:27

What's in the water where you are that made all of you go: yeah ok, we'll all do this.

iklboo · 20/03/2015 18:27

The way the message was passed on wasn't the best. It might have come across as an order from The Menz - your DH's phone to her DH's phone. A bit 'get your Mrs in order'. I know that's not how you MEANT it, but a text can be misinterpreted.

silveroldie2 · 20/03/2015 18:27

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange
"If she wanted to join in then it doesn't have to be a spices dish, they also take in pulled pork, stews, casseroles and other 1 pot wonders."

I think you're completely missing the point. I doubt the woman gives a stuff if it has to be a spicy dish or not, the whole thing is bizarre and she is right, its very 1950s Stepford wives and it's obvious she doesn't want to join in.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 20/03/2015 18:27

I don't think it is sexist as such. I happens that all the working people are heterosexual men

I don't think they all happen to be men at all. I imagine this is a male dominated profession. That's why the situation has evolved whereby the little women cook while the important men are busy working...

thatstoast · 20/03/2015 18:28

I was really hoping that this would be a reverse.

Had you even met this woman before you texted her about your expectation to cook up a big batch of spicy man food?

FarFromAnyRoad · 20/03/2015 18:28

So am I reading this right? You messaged her - from her husband's phone - and told her how it was re the cooking? You did that? Really? I'm not surprised she got pissed off. You sound bonkers - and the whole idea sounds bonkers. And the men sound bonkers and Full English Breakfast Man sounds bonkers.

Totality22 · 20/03/2015 18:28

OP can you explain the relevance of the paragraph to me

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested

?

In answer to your actual question it does all sound very twee and archaic.

Meals at home must be pretty bland if exciting "adult" cooking is a curry or some jerk chicken!!

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 20/03/2015 18:28

Ah ok. Well, I guess the only way we could test for you if this is indeed sexist of your DH's colleagues is if one of them is half of a homosexual couple (Are they? Is their partner on this cooking rota?). In the absence of this information I would have to say on balance OP if I'd have got this text I too would have thought it was a sexist set-up.

I would also go so far as to hazard a guess that the colleagues would be baffled if they were asked to cook for their wives' colleagues one night a week (I can't imagine that none of the wives work).

dreamingbohemian · 20/03/2015 18:29

This is how you make it NOT sexist: draw up a rota with every man (you know, the people who actually work there) responsible for a specific night shift. Then leave it completely up to him how that's done. Maybe he cooks, maybe his partner cooks, maybe he orders in pizza, whatever.

I think it's deeply weird that only the women cook, and that you would text a woman on her husband's phone to join your little throwback party.

BuzzardBird · 20/03/2015 18:29

Actually, I would have thrown a strop...a proper strop!

It was once suggested to me that I should cook for DH and his friends once a month but I would not be allowed to sit and eat with them. Can you guess how that panned out?

noblegiraffe · 20/03/2015 18:29

Why aren't the men cooking the meals? Confused

If I got a text from a wife of someone at DH's work suggesting that I not only cook his dinner, but the dinner of all his colleagues I'd be very wtf.