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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't sexist at all.

999 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 17:55

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 20/03/2015 18:51

it's just something nice we like to do for our partners
I'm hearing a judgement here that this woman will be deemed a less than adequate partner if she objects to the arrangement.

ajaygee · 20/03/2015 18:51

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes I'm also confused by the kitchen electricals purchases.

If the husbands rota which has been proposed on the thread (for yard work, emptying bins and suchlike), do you think they'd pitch in for new lawnmowers and sheds too? [ponders]

ARoomWithoutAView · 20/03/2015 18:51

I wonder if she thinks it is the slippery slope to some form of swinging. Smile

Pipbin · 20/03/2015 18:52

I still don't get why the existing team members didn't tell him and leave it to him to mention to his wife.

Or mention it to him and leave it up to him as to who cooks if he joins in at all.

ajaygee · 20/03/2015 18:52

it's just something nice we like to do for our partners

I'm also hearing judgement in this too

it implies "because this woman has refused, she isn't naice"

KaffeOgKage · 20/03/2015 18:54

I don't get it either!

IN about 1978 my mother was asked by the cricket club to make sandwiches and she said 'I'm not in the cricket club Confused , so no."

KaffeOgKage · 20/03/2015 18:55

(my dad was in it)

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 18:55

The exact text was this.

Hello this is piper DH wife, I hope your DH is enjoying working at the company. Just to let you know a few years back we all decided to cook for the men on shift but only on nights. If you would like to be included then let me know and we will slot in a space that is ok with you.

OP posts:
capsium · 20/03/2015 18:55

ajay I think that is reasonable, after all, gardening and shed building is manual heavy work. I feel more suited to overseeing....

Camolips · 20/03/2015 18:55

I really want to know Steve's missus's last text. She probably hand' calmed down enough to make sense.

CaptainHolt · 20/03/2015 18:57

Of course it's sexist. A communal meal is lovely, and sounds practical. Many people would rather only have to take in food once every few weeks than every shift but....

Why assume that as she is the woman she will cook for someone else's work colleagues?
Why didn't the other men on shift tell new man and let new man sort out his own domestic arrangements?
Why is it assumed to be a treat for the wives to be able to cook manly food with spices in?
Why does single man cook bacon and eggs?
Why was this woman involved at all? Is it because she is a woman? If the answer is yes (hint - it is) then it's sexist.

capsium · 20/03/2015 18:57

Piper the 'we' does sound rather ominous...... It does make me think of all things Stepford.

Camolips · 20/03/2015 18:58

Hand? Hadn't...

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 20/03/2015 18:58

Yeah I would be mightily pissed off at that text. It is presumptuous and sexist.

Hopefully your apology will smooth things over.

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 18:58

The reason for the thread, in which has made me seen sense, is because the reply.

Like fuck am I doing that, what a bunch of sexiest 1950 twats you all sound.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 20/03/2015 18:59

ajaygee Glad it's not just me.
Yes I'd have been pissed off with that text. Totally unnecessary.

EveBoswell · 20/03/2015 18:59

I love this thread. What came to mind immediately was the evening that my XDH came home one Saturday with sixteen yes sixteen muddy rugby shirts. The wives apparently took turns to do the wash ready for the following week. I didn't know about this system and we I had only a twin tub at the time and two babies in nappies.

XDH was given 10/- and told where the launderette was. He didn't like it but did it.

Camolips · 20/03/2015 19:00

I actually feel sorry for Breakfast man. I bet he has to wash up the George Foreman grill and all the other pots and pans while the others just take the dirties home for their wives.

RandomFriend · 20/03/2015 19:00

I think it is a great idea so that everyone (who is working and that just happens to be male) gets home-cooked food to eat on the nightshift. I can see that it works out more nutritious and much cheaper than buying microwave meals. It is great that everyone eats together.

How lucky for all of the working people that (with one exception) have been able to get their partner (that just happens to be married and female) to make some food to share.

How nice that they have shared their bonus to buy themselves some equipment to supplement the home-cooked food - if I understand correctly, the rice-cook, for example, is used at the workplace and is used to complement the food that has been home-cooked and brought in by whoever is on the rota for that evening. These arrangement must save money for everyone in the long run.

If everyone is happy with the arrangements, I don't see a problem. Stick with your arrangements, OP, so long as they suit everyone.

It is only sexist when someone assumes that the new man can only contribute to the rota if his partner cooks; or if people find her unreasonable when she doesn't want to. Let the new man find a way to participate - if he wants to - without involving his partner.

TwoOddSocks · 20/03/2015 19:01

*f she wanted to join in then it doesn't have to be a spices dish, they also take in pulled pork, stews, casseroles and other 1 pot wonders.

They cook the rice themselves, 1 man doesn't have a partner so does a full English breakfast.*

lol if this isn't a joke then YES obviously it's incredibly 1950's and sexist. The women are expected to cook a giant meal for a group of men but because one of the guys is single he couldn't possibly cook a proper meal and brings in a fried breakfast! Meal sharing is a great idea and if you want to prepare the meal for your husband when it's his turn to cook that's fine but expecting a random woman to do the same just because she's a woman is sexist and outdated.

TalkinPeace · 20/03/2015 19:01

Piper
I'm sorry she was so rude
BUT
its now up to the chaps to deal with.
They cocked up by assuming you gels would sort it.
THEY need to unruffle the feathers of the new bloke and his wife.

Let them man up and deal with it
you and the other partners can pass the popcorn while they do Smile

QueenBean · 20/03/2015 19:02

eddie it's sexist because the OP has bypassed the new team member (underline done especially for talking Wink) and gone straight to his wife asking if she'd like to cook for everyone

OP I don't understand the relevance of the menz pitching in and buying a George Foreman grill / slow cooker etc if you cook the food and then send it in? Or do they use it to heat the pre-cooked food? Or did they buy all the little wifeys one each?

Frostycam · 20/03/2015 19:02

I'd have gone fucking apoplectic to receive a text like that.

OP, you seem to assume that all the little wives are sitting at home without careers of their own - and you describe that as 'having a life'!

It does sound very 1950's, as though feminism has passed you and your husbands by.

capsium · 20/03/2015 19:02

That reply is actually quite funny. But scary. Wimp that I am, I would just have said 'No thanks,' or 'My DH will decide if he wants to cook something and let everyone know'.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/03/2015 19:04

Sorry OP I don't believe that she sent that text.