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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to remove Dd from this nursery?

108 replies

elizadofuckall · 20/03/2015 12:32

Dd is 3 and has been attending nursery 2 mornings a week for 3 months.
Nursery opens at 8.30am and morning session finishes at 12pm.

Since starting, nursery has suggested that dd come in at 10am while she settles in. This seemed like a good idea but despite me questioning it after 3 months they still want to keep it the same. This would not be too bad but literally every single session that she has attended, they have called me between 45-75 minutes later to collect her saying that she is tired.

To clarify, she never cries when going in and when I collect her after an hour she seems totally fine and happy and not at all tired.

I have asked on the last 4 sessions if they feel that she is not settling in but they say 'no. She is doing fine' and yet they want to stay with this hour long arrangement.

I am effectively paying 7 hrs for 2 hrs childcare.

AIBU to remove her?

OP posts:
TiggyD · 20/03/2015 17:30

Crooks!

They may also be cooks but that's not relevant.

imip · 20/03/2015 17:38

I've sent my 4 dcs to two different Montessori nurseries. Pp is right, they have a small mat there with pillows and blankets and a child would be encouraged to rest there, a tired child would not be sent home.

Also, all the settling-in periods I have done at a Montessori nursery would involve dropping dc off later than the original start time, say 9:30 and picking up a little earlier. Montessori is big on three hour work cycles - from what I understand this is pretty important.

I would definitely involve the relevant Montessori association the nursery is attached to (there are two - both a bit different). They should be accredited and you should definitely complain.

scratchandsniff · 20/03/2015 17:47

Sounds like they're over subscribed on numbers, happy to take your money and bank on you picking her up each time with no real fuss from you. I wonder how many other parents get similar calls. I'd be finding somewhere new. No way she can get that tired in 45 minutes.

Original poster
elizadofuckall · 20/03/2015 17:52

The thing is I don't see how dd had time to settle in 45-75 minutes without knowing when she was leaving etc and there was no plan or set pick up time. I don't feel that it is going anywhere and to be honest I think that dd is likely to be getting confused with all of the coming and going at odd times.

I think that it will be in dd's best interest to find somewhere more suitable.

I have no problem with the staff as such, just this strange set up of calling when they feel like.

OP posts:
Whatisaweekend · 20/03/2015 18:09

Have you managed to get to know any other parents (unlikely given your different pick up/drop off times)? Can you talk to them and ask what their experience of this 'settling in' process was?

It all sounds very odd and I think I would get tough with them - they are just taking the piss! I have had only two children at nursery admitedly but I have never heard anything like this! I would be requesting a refund and hinting that you will go to Ofsted if they prevaricate.

insancerre · 20/03/2015 18:18

I am a nursery manager and I am shocked by this nursery
Take her out. They are crooks like tiggy says

I would never ring a parent unless their child was poorly
If they needed to sleep, children can sleep

AugustaGloop · 20/03/2015 18:28

Take her out, but please do follow up as it is really shocking and almost unbelieveable. They will just do the same to someone else, and I think the right thing to do would be (1) to tell them why you are leaving, (2) make some reference to wanting a refund, even if you do not ultimately pursue it, and (3) mention to OFSTED. Even if OFSTED do nothing, I wold still want to alert them to this practice.

AugustaGloop · 20/03/2015 18:30

Is there another nursery you can send her to? It would be a shame for her to miss if she seems ot enjoy it.

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 20/03/2015 18:43

I've used many different childcare settings for my two dc over the years.

Usually, settling in sessions last a maximum of 2 weeks, and if they are charged for (which in my experience they usually aren't), then you wouldn't pay for the whole session if they were only attending part of it.

They are royally taking the piss.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/03/2015 18:54

Exactly insancerre, they are taking op for a mug, taking her money and not providing the service. Phoning you to pick up dd when there is no valid reason is unacceptable.

showtunesgirl · 20/03/2015 19:01

OP, even if you do withdraw your DD, you can't let these crooks get away with this.

I withdrew my daughter from a nursery after two settling in sessions as I felt that the standard of care wasn't very good and my daughter was unhappy. The manager wanted to keep the whole deposit but I dug my heels in and got my money back. After we left I found out that this had happened with several parents.

UsernameAlreadyInUse · 20/03/2015 19:11

Don't answer the phone next time!

bearwithspecs · 20/03/2015 19:12

A farce. Withdraw and claim your money back and report to ofsted

TeddyBee · 20/03/2015 19:19

I'd withdraw her. I was a bit grumpy about the two week long settling in my DS had at nursery and he was f/t by the end of the second week.

Lovelyclaycup · 20/03/2015 19:40

Yes remove her but before you do, senddd I and when they call you to pick her up early say no can do and report back please Smile.

The nursery sounds bizarre.

Tanith · 21/03/2015 08:39

Showtunesgirl, what you describe is a different scenario to the OP. The nursery in your case would have been entitled to keep the deposit.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/03/2015 08:46

Before removing her, I would be having a strong talk with the manager, they çoukd well rip other people off. It's worth contacting trading standards as they are not providing the service you paid for.

insancerre · 21/03/2015 09:05

Some people can be very literal. Maybe you said at an early settling on session something like
" please call me if she doesn't settle"
And they have literally taken you at your word. They may have got the impression that they are simply following your wishes.
I don't hold out any hope of getting a refund. But you do have 2 choices
Take her out and tell them why in a written complaint
Or just start taking her for the full session and if they ring, just tell them you can't collect early as you are busy
I had a 3 year old start last week. He did 1 settling in session and started fulltime the next day. His mum started a new job and had no other way of doing it. He is absolutely fine. Children don't actually need extended periods of settling in. They just need routine and consistency.

Discopanda · 21/03/2015 09:08

YWNBU to find a new nursery. My DD actually DID find it tough to be separated from me when she started preschool but hers encouraged me to stay with her for progressively shorter periods of time whilst she got used to being there with the other children and the staff and she settled in in less than 2 months.
They sound like they can't really be bothered.

CecilyP · 21/03/2015 10:35

But it doesn't sound as if OP's DD is upset and crying. And the nursery have not mentioned anything like this, just that she is tired. I am just wondering what can be happening at this nursery that is so fantastically stimulating that an otherwise healthy 3 year old is exhausted after 45 minutes. DS went to a morning (3 hours) only preschool where there was no real provision for tired children and it really wasn't needed.

Original poster
elizadofuckall · 21/03/2015 11:01

When I first left her at the nursery they said that they wouldn't leave her to cry that day and would call me if she was upset.

But the problem is that they are not saying that she was upset or unsettled or anything like it, just that she is tired.

Dd has not appeared to be upset or anything like it when I have collected her and is still bouncing around.

OP posts:
Original poster
elizadofuckall · 21/03/2015 11:24

And surely, 45 minutes is just ridiculous?

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 21/03/2015 12:37

My 3yo sometimes says he is tired to get attention. He perks up once you fuss over him a bit.

If this is what's happening at nursery, and she wants attention (which all siblings of new babies do) then the fuss of calling you satisfies that need and she's quite happy.

But nursery should know that and deal with it accordingly.

showtunesgirl · 22/03/2015 00:02

Tanith, why should I let a nursery who let my daughter sit in wet knickers for I don't know how long keep my deposit? Hmm If during the settling in period, it turns out that the staff aren't doing their job properly, why should I be the one to forfeit?

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/03/2015 01:01

When you take her in next time make it clear that if she is only there for two hours, you will only be paying for two hours. (Maybe look up your contract to see what the legalities are.)