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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to remove Dd from this nursery?

108 replies

elizadofuckall · 20/03/2015 12:32

Dd is 3 and has been attending nursery 2 mornings a week for 3 months.
Nursery opens at 8.30am and morning session finishes at 12pm.

Since starting, nursery has suggested that dd come in at 10am while she settles in. This seemed like a good idea but despite me questioning it after 3 months they still want to keep it the same. This would not be too bad but literally every single session that she has attended, they have called me between 45-75 minutes later to collect her saying that she is tired.

To clarify, she never cries when going in and when I collect her after an hour she seems totally fine and happy and not at all tired.

I have asked on the last 4 sessions if they feel that she is not settling in but they say 'no. She is doing fine' and yet they want to stay with this hour long arrangement.

I am effectively paying 7 hrs for 2 hrs childcare.

AIBU to remove her?

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 20/03/2015 13:41

I thought nurseries have a sleeping area?

Kittymum03 · 20/03/2015 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
elizadofuckall · 20/03/2015 13:43

No I didn't ever refuse. I stupidly just quickly collected her.
I can accept that I have been ripped off with the fees. I'm just really annoyed that they were not actually helping her settle in and her time there must have felt so rushed for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
elizadofuckall · 20/03/2015 13:45

Just to add my dd hasn't napped in the day since 18months Hmm

OP posts:
Kittymum03 · 20/03/2015 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 20/03/2015 13:47

It's ridiculous. It's part of their job to settle children. FGS. Are you getting called out of work to collect her. You can be doing with that.
Yabnu to move her.

Original poster
elizadofuckall · 20/03/2015 13:48

I'm on Mat leave so was at home anyway and they knew this.

OP posts:
HeyDuggee · 20/03/2015 13:50

I'd make a sit down appointment and ask the manager for specific steps they had taken in their plan to settle her. If there isn't a plan, ask why not. If there is no steps taken, ask what techniques they have used in the last x week to settle her and how your daughter reacted to each method.

If she cannot provide you with any details, ask her to confirm she cannot provide you with any evidence of the nursery trying and failing to settle your child.

Then present the manager with how much time she attended and how much time you paid for and ask for a refund. I would be making it clear that I'd be willing to take this to small claims court.

Original poster
elizadofuckall · 20/03/2015 13:54

The thing is, they never said that she wasn't settled. Only that she was tired.

OP posts:
Original poster
elizadofuckall · 20/03/2015 13:55

I should have replied 'okay put her down for a nap'.

Hindsight and AIBU are powerful tools Grin

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 20/03/2015 14:00

Before you remove her, you do need to address the money issue.

It's not OK that they've been taking your money for less hours than you are entitled to.

If it were me I'd just stop paying for a bit and stop dropping late/collecting early until the imbalance ironed out. Just turn up for 9am, or whenever suits, and drop off then. If they then call to collect, I'd speak to find out if she were unwell or 'just tired'. If 'tired', I'd probably say it couldn't be until 12pm. And repeat. When they query the lack of fees, I'd present them with my calculations of how much I'd already paid for "in advance".

Issues with trust and childcare are important though, so if you feel the trust is gone I can see why you'd remove.

I'd be very very vocal to everyone I knew though about there rubbish practices . . . word of mouth is crucial to their reputation. Does sound like they're using you to get around a staffing ratios issue.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 20/03/2015 14:05

Oh dear, don't beat yourself up, as you say hindsight is a wonderful thing. And you assumed a nursery would be an ethical child centred place, not a duplicitous rip you off if they can piss take!

I would take her out but not before complaining loudly and formally to the owner/ manager. Absolutely shocking behaviour.

To put it in perspective DS nursery called me to advise Ds should come earlier as he was having trouble settling as he was arriving after everyone else. Turned out his before / after nursery nanny was giving in to Ds crying and taking him to have a babycino (& her a coffee) until 1030!!! He was then utterly traumatised by going to nursery as everyone else arrived at 8-9am, and had settled down in established play by the time he pitched up.

Making a child attend at different hours to others is a sure fire way to end up with an u settled child!

Grrrr on your behalf!

musicmaiden · 20/03/2015 14:11

Yes you must not take her out without strong words to the nursery at the very least - I'd also bet my bottom dollar that a staffing ratio is the issue.

A threat about going to ofsted/small claims would expediate some sort of financial recompense too, I suspect.

TheLastThneed · 20/03/2015 14:20

Definitely report them to Ofsted. They have been taking advantage of you.

adsy · 20/03/2015 14:31

they are taking the piss but OFSTED don't get involved in contractual ssues.
I'd make a point of not removing her but taking her bang on time next week and when they 'phone just reply with a cheery "oh, I'm sure she's fine, she never naps anymore' see you at 12"

Rhiana1979 · 20/03/2015 14:45

I'd be going in there armed with paperwork stating exactly how much I'd paid for and exactly how long my DD had been there for.

I don't think the grin on the managers face would stay there for long when I demanded a refund for the difference.

I would also be making it clear that I would be informing anyone who will listen of the way I'd been ripped off.

Florabeebaby · 20/03/2015 15:15

All of the above and also, if she is 3 make sure you get a place where you get the free 15 hours (if you are in the UK).
My DD and DS attend 3 days a week, 5 hours a day and yes, they get tired but I have never been called for anything else but D&V and a temperature.
I would be reporting them too, thus is not right and in my mind not good for your child, she needs routine to settle in, not for them to call you whenever!
Good luck.

Longworth · 20/03/2015 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KeturahLee · 20/03/2015 16:14

So they owe you for about 5 hours a week for 12 weeks? I'd be sending her for the full session for the next 8 weeks then with no payment!

They must owe you about £250!

Neverknowingly · 20/03/2015 16:18

Is it possible that you have just got into a bit of a routine and now they think you are over-anxious and WANT to collect her if she is tired? I ask only because I had this a couple of times when my DC1 was small - the nursery were a bit too keen to inform me every time DC had a temperature or a bumped knee and I was 1) a bit pfb and 2) a bit scared they would think I was a crap parent if I did not immediately go and see to him. DH stepped in in the end...

Neverknowingly · 20/03/2015 16:23

They will never refund you without a fight probably not even then. If the child is "unable to attend" (in their view) then the sessions are undoubtedly still chargeable under their T&C.

ClockwiseCat · 20/03/2015 16:29

They are taking the piss big time. Claw back any money you can and find somewhere more professional. Report them to Ofsted too.

Some nurseries aren't keen on PT kids if they're over-subscribed because they take up more profitable FT places.

zipzap · 20/03/2015 17:05

As a minimum you ought to get the money back for the 8.30-10am part of the sessions as they were the ones that told you to bring her in at that time.

Can you imagine any other line of business saying that they would charge you for an hour and a half of providing a service that you weren't allowed to use!!

It would also be interesting to find out what their staffing ratios are like when they send your dd home - if other children come at that time (or it gives staff a chance to have a lunch break before the next children come etc).

Likewise it would be interesting to find out from other parents how many other children get sent home when they are tired too.

I'd also get a friend to ring up and pretend to be a parent looking for a space for their similarly aged child, and get them chatting about what their routines are like, what they do when the children are tired/hungry/need the loo etc so that you can compare what they are saying that they do with what they actually do - and if they are not providing the rest place for your dd when she is tired but sending her home, then it's another thing to be angry discussing how they are not fulfilling their obligations to your dd.

RandomMess · 20/03/2015 17:14

I'd be suggesting to them if they don't wish to refund that you need to disclose Ofsted that they refuse to cope with a "tired" child and insist they are collected...

TiggyD · 20/03/2015 17:30

They're cooks, idiots or lazy.

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