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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a very trivial question about MIL and warming milk

80 replies

TheOddity · 20/03/2015 00:31

MIL is a kind, generous and genuinely lovely person, but there's just this characteristic that really winds me up. I think IABU but wanted to get your take on it.

Every time we go to stay and have breakfast, MIL always gives my DS his usual breakfast and glass of milk and says "do you warm the milk for him?". I always reply "no, he prefers it cold". She then always replies "not even a little bit so it isn't cold in his stomach". I then always reply "no, just straight from the fridge is fine". She then always replies "Well you should leave it out for half an hour before or add a bit of warm milk to get it to room temperature". I then always say "i think he'll live, he likes it cold, as do I".

He is three, i do ask if he wants warm milk now and then but he says no. I know this is so utterly trivial and a none-problem but all the same, this plays out at every breakfast. If we stayed three days, I'd have this conversation each day in a row. AIBU to want to scream? I have tried different responses, jokes, pure Monty Python non sequiturs but nothing deviates her from this course of conversation.

There is also a very similar one about my negligence of squeezing oranges for him each day (and adding sugar) rather than giving him his usual carton of fresh juice.

I'm horrible and ungrateful aren't I?

OP posts:
Discopanda · 20/03/2015 00:34

You don't squeeze oranges for him every morning?! You awful neglectful mother! Remember, anyone can bear anything for 10 seconds, she'll soon find something else to focus on.

Icimoi · 20/03/2015 00:36

Why don't you surprise her and, when she asks whether you warm DS' milk, just say yes.

SycamoreMum · 20/03/2015 00:38

Ahhh my mum says the same thing. "The warm milk takes the wind out of their bellies!" My daughter farts for England and poops for Yorkshire theres no problems there.

Just take what she says as a suggestion and go on as you're doing. Think nothing more of it, he's your son and no one knows him better. Smile

Original poster
TheOddity · 20/03/2015 00:39

Good mindset! Count to ten. The orange juice I can laugh at because it is such a cliché. The milk for some reason just irritates me beyond words, I think because she thinks there is some medical foundation to what she is saying. I am just waiting for someone to tell me how all drinks for children need to be served tepid otherwise all their poo turns to mush.

OP posts:
OhMjh · 20/03/2015 00:41

Why not let her warm the milk and then your son can express his preference for icy cold milk? Maybe that might make her realise you say no thank you for a reason.

MistressMerryWeather · 20/03/2015 00:41

Learn the inner eye roll.

Smile and nod, eye roll in your head.

Namaste.

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 20/03/2015 00:42

My mother in law said this too when they were little! She hated it when we gave them cold milk. I just accepted it as one of those generational things.

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 20/03/2015 00:43

Plus, whether we believe we will or not, we will more than likely piss off our own DILs in the future with our outdated advice.

Original poster
TheOddity · 20/03/2015 00:46

He's not enough of a diva. She does sometimes serve it to him tepid and he just dips his bread into it and doesn't bother to drink it at the end, but he wouldn't have a melt down or anything.

I can't bring myself to say that I warm it now, as it would suggest I have taken her advice and then the gates to hell would open and swallow me up I am too stubborn to back down and let her think she is right, even if she was proved right by a team of milk biologists

OP posts:
JeanneDeMontbaston · 20/03/2015 00:55

Well, I'm with her on the added sugar as I think that'd taste like syrup, but it's hardly her business. The warm milk is very odd - warm milk is surely a really common dislike?

MistressMerryWeather · 20/03/2015 00:56

Well then, as a certified Milk Biologist I can assure you that your MIL is completely wrong.

Warm milk is actually known in my field to cause verucas and bellybutton fluff.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 20/03/2015 01:25

Smile and nod, smile and nod...

roisin · 20/03/2015 01:30

You need to develop some drama skills in your ds. My mumtells me a similar tale with me and her relatives: but when they gave me the warmed milk as a very small child/baby, I spat it out at them, diva-like! They didn't adk again.

ToriaPumpkin · 20/03/2015 01:36

My DH was in his mid twenties before he could stomach cold milk on cereal, every morning he poured it and then microwaved it. Not handy that he has always been heavily involved in scouts and amazingly there aren't always milk-warming facilities at camp. BIL gained two stone when he joined the RAF because they wouldn't warm his milk for him so he ate a cooked breakfast every morning.

I have never warmed milk, either to drink or for cereal for either of my children. I can feel the disapproval radiating from MIL at times...

yourlovealoneisnotenough · 20/03/2015 02:36

Yep, my MIL carries on about this too. Oddly enough DH can't abide cold milk and will always warm it up for everything, so I guess she conditioned him well there. She also likes to remind me to always haves snacks and drinks in my bag in case they need them. Because clearly I am incapable of feeding my very healthy and well-nourished children.

Since they've been old enough to understand i've always asked DTs if they want it warm or scold. DT1 likes cold and DT2 warm. I much prefer the less faff of cold but DT2 is a fussbudget and will only drink it warm.

JessieMcJessie · 20/03/2015 02:49

Do kids still get milk at school? ( I know he's too young for school but thinking about the future). I remember how lovely the ice cold milk was when they brought it in from the step in the morning in the winter (sometimes with part of it actually frozen!), and how much we hated it room temperature or warm in the summer.

Toria am flabbergasted that you MIL is proud of the adult precious special warm milk snowflakes your DH and BIL became.

OutragedFromLeeds · 20/03/2015 03:18

'nothing deviates her from this course of conversation'

Saying, 'yeah ok' would.

How often do you stay? If DS isn't that bothered I'd just let her warm it up when you're at her house. He isn't going to get a calcium deficiency from not drinking all his warm milk now and then.

Why is she asking you and not DS anyway? Maybe suggest she asks him directly what he would like.

marshmallowpies · 20/03/2015 03:29

Ooh yes warm milk reminds me of school milk that had been out in the sun too long. I stopped liking milk a year or so into starting school and I'm sure warm milk was part of the reason!

My MIL has fresh juice every morning for breakfast, there's always a huge jug on the table and they are amazed that I refuse it. I can't bear the residue it leaves on my teeth. No matter how many times I refuse it I still get offered it. And I don't really want DD to have it either as I know children are only supposed to have juice occasionally because of tooth decay, but we don't stay overnight with PILs very often, so it is really only once in a while she has it - so I haven't dared speak up on this yet.

JessieMcJessie · 20/03/2015 03:58

Interestingly in Asia, where I am currently living, if you ask for a glass of water in a non-Western restaurant it will come as warm water unless you specifically ask for it cold.

Like your MIL, many locals believe that cold drinks are harmful.

SoonToBeSix · 20/03/2015 04:17

Marsh fresh juice should be given more than occasionally. Your dd won't get tooth decay if she uses a straw and you brush her teeth.

TheSkiingGardener · 20/03/2015 06:40

Refer her to your son. He can express his own preference and you can walk away.

LindyHemming · 20/03/2015 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheOddity · 20/03/2015 07:19

We only stay once every couple of months for a weekend, then a week in the summer. They live five hours away. She is lovely in lots of ways and hosting us, so IABU to pull her up on this very specific thing, I know Blush. I di let her warm and fuss to her hearts' content

I did try "yeah ok" but this perversely encouraged her to keep going in milky circles. My DH is usually in the shower as he doesn't eat breakfast, I swear she saves these conversations for when he is out of the room! Asking DS would in her books be like asking the dog what he wants for his breakfast. Children's preferences are just silly whims according to MIL, she does ask him things, but only things like which colour. If he says he is full, that is purely fantasy she insists. Hmm

Tepid milk also reminds me of nursery school and makes me want to throw up!

OP posts:
cleanmyhouse · 20/03/2015 07:20

My mum used to do this with just about everything. It drove me effing mental!

Do you think he needs a drink? Maybe hes thirsty? Shouldn't he be wearing a jacket? All when my eldest was small.

The most infuriating one was "do you think hes too hot with his jumper on?" about my 9 year old! He's 9 ffs, he knows when hes too hot! I rolled my eyes a lot. I never took it as criticism, it was her being a worrier.

Anyway, thats nothing to do with milk. I think you should continue with the inward eye roll. She's not going to change, its reasonably harmless. If it start feel like criticism, challenge her.

Piratespoo · 20/03/2015 07:28

Why don't you ask her to ask him? Perfect solution! He will just say yes or no and then you don't even have to grit your teeth as you don't have to answer.