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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take his bedroom door off

112 replies

Shinyshoes2 · 18/03/2015 07:50

I've bloody had enough ! Ds2 just won't get out of bloody bed in the mornings . He's still in bed now and he should be leaving for school . Every morning we have this battle he manages to lock it from the inside when there is no lock !
He Goes to be at a reasonable time 9.00 ish
He has no laptop after 6pm so it's not that keeping him awake . He just mumbles " leave me alone I'm trying to sleep '
He
Constantly has detentions for lateness
I've had enough !!!
AIBU to take his bedroom door off that way I can fucking drag him out of the bed or tip him out of it at least. I'm sick of him dictating to me and the school when he arrives
He's 14

OP posts:
HoneySwampDragonInMourning · 18/03/2015 13:30

Those links are all well and good but SpecialSubjects right, it's pissing on your education.

I worked from 14, and managed to get there for 8am.

The first trimester of pregnancy is exhausting, that's a scientific fact too, should all women be entitled to a shorter working day? Confused

Bet if they were giving away free xboxes between 7am and 8am the ops ds could get up and get to school.

juliascurr · 18/03/2015 13:31

the world is very unsympathetic to teenagers; likewise bf mothers, toddlers, old people
human life doesn't fit naturally into the 9-5 box

Dawndonnaagain · 18/03/2015 13:35

Shiny couple of questions - Is he really tired during the day?
How does he sleep at night? Does he have nightmares/interrupted sleep/sleep paralysis?

If he has any of these, take him to the GP.
Other than that, our sixth form doesn't start until 9.30. It may be worth harassing the school.

mupperoon · 18/03/2015 13:59

The Western world is pretty sympathetic to teenagers compared to elsewhere, where they are treated as adults, juliascurr. What silliness.

And daylight (plus warmth) might be the reason that we tend to have a 9-5 mentality in the UK.

No sympathy here either! Remove that door!

expatinscotland · 18/03/2015 14:39

'the world is very unsympathetic to teenagers;'

Yes, in many, many parts of the world, they are considered adults and are already married/have children and do adult work all day long, not having the luxury of education beyond the basics, if that.

CapnMurica · 18/03/2015 15:06

So all based on your opinion then that it's cruel/humiliating?

Well my opinion is that it isn't.

And what are your suggestions then, as so far it's just take away his belongings that he paid for himself btw and give them back when he behaves?

How is that not worse?

(Not saying that's a bad idea though, just that I would have raged if my parents had removed something I had paid for. I would have sucked it up and sulked of they had removed my door - variation of their house, their rules)

Number3cometome · 18/03/2015 15:34

Assuming he doesn't have a job, so actually didn't pay for anything himself?

AliceMcGee · 18/03/2015 15:54

My friend took her dc door off and they still lived to tell the tale

yes well I don't think anyone is suggesting it would cause the OP's son to die, just that it is unnecessarily cruel and disrespectful.

AliceMcGee · 18/03/2015 15:55

And what are your suggestions then, as so far it's just take away his belongings that he paid for himself btw and give them back when he behaves

No the taking them away is sto stop him playing on them when he should be sleeping, not as punishment!!

Number3cometome · 18/03/2015 15:58

Personally I think taking the door off would annoy me more than him.

My son is LOUD when playing online with his friends, and his room smells like hamsters Grin

pbwer · 18/03/2015 16:01

AliceMcGee Respect is earnt.

However I'd probably go with the two stage approach.

1)no DVD, no phone. With the threat that next time the door goes.
2)Off with the door

Dawndonnaagain · 18/03/2015 16:07

To all of you saying do this, take away that, may I suggest that he actually gets checked out by the doctor first. Not all teens are lazy. I have one with narcolepsy.

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 18/03/2015 16:12

so if it is cruel to remove his door, is it extra extra cruel to have to share a bedroom?

AliceMcGee · 18/03/2015 16:16

AliceMcGee Respect is earnt

I don't think so.I respect my children unconditionally.
If you disrespect your children there is only one way things are going to turn out.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 18/03/2015 16:16

We have twice removed the door because it was being slammed so hard the whole house shook... repeatedly (first time warning, second time removal). We still have a loving relationship with our (now adult) son.

We did not provide a curtain.

Life went on and the door went back on.

I would not hesitate. Now adult son agrees.

plecofjustice · 18/03/2015 16:18

Have you spoken to him, calmly and rationally without threats, about why he struggles to get up in the morning? Or are you just punishing and humiliating him without discussing it with him?

You need to find out what's wrong before imposing sanctions on him.

hellsbellsmelons · 18/03/2015 16:31

Of course respect is earned.
It has to be earned.
You cannot respect someone that completely disrespects and mistreats you.
Respect can also be lost very quickly and easily.

OP on a completely different tangent. I had a very 'difficult' teen DD.
I read the book 'Getting to Calm' and it helped me quite a lot.
Very American and very repetitive but some really good ideas and tactics in there that might help.
I now have a lovely 17 YO hard working DD (well you know what I mean) who nearly always gets herself up and ready.

PurplePITA · 18/03/2015 16:41

Sorry if his has been discussed in the thread earlier - I've not read every post.

If i were the OP i would let him get on with it and let him get lots of detentions. The DS is 14 and old enough to work this out himself. At the minute you are taking his responsibility away from him.

Ihavenobrain · 18/03/2015 16:46

The mum takes her dd's door off in the film freaky Friday!Confused

HoneySwampDragonInMourning · 18/03/2015 16:56

I thought the ops suggestion of removing the door was to stop him locking it, not to humiliate.

I'm slightly confused, if he's awake enough to construct something to jam the door, he's awake to go to school?

If he's locking the door before sleeping than its predetermination and he has no intention of attending school?

Not to mention being bloody dangerous ... For his own safety, if he's creating a locking mechanism that could fail, than ALL electrics bar the light out of his room and put a smoke alarm in. Getting one over mum isn't worth dying for.

hellsbellsmelons · 18/03/2015 17:05

Yes Ihavenobrain
The newer version with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan (it's a great film, honest, well it was when my DD was younger).
She slams her door all the time so the mother removes it and states quite rightly that 'Privacy is a privilege'

ALittleFaith · 18/03/2015 17:20

OP have you tried one of those wake up light alarms? One that gradually gets light simulating dawn? Might be worth a try.

MrsHathaway · 18/03/2015 17:31

No door is also a fire hazard - a shut door can give you half an hour extra to escape a fire.

OP I have the greatest confidence that removal of all fun from his room at 9pm will mean he's bored enough to sleep sooner. I think you have to link it to the school day, though - when it isn't a school day or other day with a fixed engagement in it he should be allowed to wallow in his pit all day long if he cares to waste his time that way. It genuinely matters not, antisocial though it might be.

HoneySwampDragonInMourning · 18/03/2015 17:35

Not if your Xbox has set fire to your mattress Grin

juliascurr · 18/03/2015 18:35

"If we adapt our system to the biological status of the young person, we might have more success than trying to fit them into our schedules."

Prof Russell Foster, director of sleep and circadian neuroscience at Oxford University, said that getting a teenager to start their day at 07:00 is like an adult starting theirs at 05:00.

from:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-29461685

but hey - whadda they know, these Oxford professors?

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