Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take his bedroom door off

112 replies

Shinyshoes2 · 18/03/2015 07:50

I've bloody had enough ! Ds2 just won't get out of bloody bed in the mornings . He's still in bed now and he should be leaving for school . Every morning we have this battle he manages to lock it from the inside when there is no lock !
He Goes to be at a reasonable time 9.00 ish
He has no laptop after 6pm so it's not that keeping him awake . He just mumbles " leave me alone I'm trying to sleep '
He
Constantly has detentions for lateness
I've had enough !!!
AIBU to take his bedroom door off that way I can fucking drag him out of the bed or tip him out of it at least. I'm sick of him dictating to me and the school when he arrives
He's 14

OP posts:
flanjabelle · 18/03/2015 08:35

The funny thing is, he will probably be far more upset about the phone than he will he door, but no one sees that as harsh!

Bakeoffcake · 18/03/2015 08:36

Well done Shinyshoes.

Hopefully he will start getting up now to earn back his stuff.

AlternativeTentacles · 18/03/2015 08:43

I'd have a meeting with him when he gets home today.

Lay out the issue. If he continues to be late he may/will get excluded from school. And where he will be sent will not be a barrel of laffs. Plus it takes time out of your day and he is not I repeat not a toddler any more and needs to grow up a bit.

So - the options to him are:
Start taking responsibility for getting up and going to school which means alarm on at x o'clock, and has to be out the door by y o'clock every school day bar none or...
Door off, plus no gadgets, no internet after 6pm, and no heating on in the morning as it is far too cosy in there obviously.

Starting now.

Original poster
Shinyshoes2 · 18/03/2015 08:45

Thanks all Smile

OP posts:
TwinkleDust · 18/03/2015 09:01

Is he on the phone until the early hours, internet?

TinLizzie · 18/03/2015 09:13

As well as taking his phone and gadgets, I'd try another shock tactic by leaving him one morning. When he realises that no-one has bothered him, it might be enough to make him start thinking that he needs to get his act together. And get the most annoying alarm clock, or tune a Radio to something he'll hate and put it right outside his room. Take his duvet off him when he needs to get up.

Or... ask him what he thinks will work for him. Give him a choice of (a) or (b) and let him decide. Clearly you can't really leave him to fester so you need to do something, but engage him in the solution.

I remember the feeling of being so very, very tired in the morning and struggling to get up - I was a night owl and just couldn't sleep early. I have a mother who came and wiped my face with a facecloth, sometimes hot, sometimes cold. And she brought me tea and toast. It meant that I never grumped at her, however bad I felt (spoilt, me).

TinLizzie · 18/03/2015 09:16

And he's obviously gotten used to the idea that someone will get him up in the morning, hence my suggestion of leaving him one morning (I knew there was a point to that!!). If you all just stop (once), it might be the wake up call he needs (pardon the pun!!).

Bakeoffcake · 18/03/2015 09:18

Fgs "no door, no heating on". He isn't in Guantanamo!Grin

Chucking water over him will be suggested next.

MillionToOneChances · 18/03/2015 09:24

If he has a phone and DVD player in his room you'd be astonished how little sleep he might be getting. My DD13's phone stays downstairs at night but is buzzing until nearly midnight with messages and notifications from children whose parents probably think they're asleep. Sounds like you have a plan - good luck!

TinLizzie · 18/03/2015 09:25

Water was my next suggestion! Grin

However, I think I'd try the tea and toast first! Kill it with kindness.

AliceMcGee · 18/03/2015 09:35

I certainly wouldn't take the door off!!
I think he is on his gadgets all night.Maybe have a rule that laptops and mobile phones, DSs ,anything else he can play on are kept downstairs at night and returned in the morning if he is up in time..

expatinscotland · 18/03/2015 09:41

Definitely take the phone.

Bakeoffcake · 18/03/2015 09:54

Good suggestion Alice- he can have his stuff back in the morning, if he gets up in time for school.

tinymeteor · 18/03/2015 09:58

Taking the door off is pretty extreme tbh, teenagers deserve some privacy. But I would turn off your wifi 9pm-9am, and make sure he's on a phone plan with only limited data so he can't be online endlessly that way. If older kids need wifi later in the evening, change the password at 9pm and give it to them. Your 14yo can have the new password when he gets his arse out of bed in the morning Grin

PeterParkerSays · 18/03/2015 10:05

Do you know anyone who has animals who need help with them? Instead of making him get up for school, make him, get up 30 minutes earlier, to muck out Neddy, take Fido for a walk etc, instead.

You can also have that for a threat if he doesn't start getting up at a reasonable time.

hellsbellsmelons · 18/03/2015 10:10

I really don't agree with humiliating anyone. Taking the door off someone's private space is a horrible thing to do. There are other ways to deal with this

This made me Smile
Come on then.... What are these 'other ways'???
I'm sure many on here would love to know what your fixes are for this and that you have obviously used them and they obviously work!???

Honestly! Taking the door off reminds me of the film Freaky Friday. Privacy is a Privilege. Too right!!

HighwayDragon · 18/03/2015 10:14

I slammed my door once, my dad removed it for a week, never did it again. In my house it was 'privacy is a privilege' I think I'll adopt this concept when dd grows up too.

Beloved72 · 18/03/2015 10:14

Word of warning OP - my dd was the same at 14. She's the same at nearly 16. We have tried EVERYTHING and all that's happened is that I've ended up with a hideously bad relationship with her - just totally oppositional.

Most children will respond to punishments and rewards, but when they don't it can lead to a horrible situation at home.

My advice would be, let the school deal with it. Your ds may need to talk to a third party about where this behaviour might be leading.

KittensOnAPlane · 18/03/2015 10:16

if you leave him, he will just not bother at all, (speaking from personal experience and missing most of my 5th year at school)

Door removal sounds good, or mayby remove the locking mechanism from it? do you know how he is locking it? Not sure taking away stuff will work (def worth a try though), however, if you all go out during the day, turf him out (either in pjs or uniform) and make sure he cannot get back in to the house

are there any reasons he doesnt want to go to school (except the classic, cant be arsed?)

Lemonylemon · 18/03/2015 10:17

"Chucking water over him will be suggested next."

My Dad used to come into my room and "wash" my face with a very cold wet flannel to get me out of bed.

specialsubject · 18/03/2015 10:18

it is entitled as all hell to waste education. If there's something bad going on at school (bullying etc) that needs sorting, but you can't sort it if you don't know about it.

otherwise he gets his lazy arse to school like every other kid in this country and many others has to do.

one word: Malala.

championnibbler · 18/03/2015 10:19

I would take the door off.

Floggingmolly · 18/03/2015 10:30

How is it humiliating him? If any of mine regularly hid behind a locked door in the mornings, refusing to come out to get to school on time I'd make them sleep in the kitchen remove the door without a second thought.

littlehouseinthebigwoods · 18/03/2015 10:31

I think it's likely he isn't going to sleep at 9. I had quite an early bedtime as a teen but would read under the covers for hours. These days I piddle around on the internet when I should be sleeping....some things don't change!!

So anyway, I fully agree with a pps suggestion of taking away his phone etc at night and returning it when he gets up on time.

Swipe left for the next trending thread