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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take his bedroom door off

112 replies

Shinyshoes2 · 18/03/2015 07:50

I've bloody had enough ! Ds2 just won't get out of bloody bed in the mornings . He's still in bed now and he should be leaving for school . Every morning we have this battle he manages to lock it from the inside when there is no lock !
He Goes to be at a reasonable time 9.00 ish
He has no laptop after 6pm so it's not that keeping him awake . He just mumbles " leave me alone I'm trying to sleep '
He
Constantly has detentions for lateness
I've had enough !!!
AIBU to take his bedroom door off that way I can fucking drag him out of the bed or tip him out of it at least. I'm sick of him dictating to me and the school when he arrives
He's 14

OP posts:
LumpenproletariatAndProud · 18/03/2015 10:37

OP this is my future.

Give it a decade and my eldest son will be breaking into my youngest sons room and tipping him out of bed.

God love boys.

My brothers were exactly the same.

bereal7 · 18/03/2015 11:07

Shock Take his door off ? Fab - I'll just wait a few months for the OP to come back puzzled at why she has a horrible relationship with her son. Take away his phone, ground him, don't give him money, but fgs son's take away his door ! If he can't feel 'protected' at home, how can u expect himto tell u any issues he has.

KittensOnAPlane · 18/03/2015 11:10

a child NEEDS boundaries to push against, taking a door away does not stop him being safe - it sends a message that if he puts up a barrier to doing something he is meant to be doing, then it will be removed.

its showing love not making him 'unprotected'

Number3cometome · 18/03/2015 11:11

I'd take him to see the GP - he may well have some sort of deficiency?

My 12 year old doesn't like getting up, but he does it when told to.

How is his diet? does he eat well and exercise?

There is no point handing out punishment until you have established that there isn't an underlying medical issue here.

SaucyJack · 18/03/2015 11:15

A curtain seems like a reasonable compromise. If you're suspicious he's up all night, hang it a foot or so from the top of the frame so you can see if there's a light shining over the top.

Squitten · 18/03/2015 11:16

Have you tried one of those sunlight clocks? Obviously he isn't a grotty teenager but DH was always grumpy in the mornings. The first day he used one of those clocks he was like a different person the next morning! He still isn't a massive morning person but finds getting up earlier, especially in the winter, and is never grumpy or snappy first thing.

Might be worth a try!

Squitten · 18/03/2015 11:17

*easier, not earlier!

AliceMcGee · 18/03/2015 11:20

'I'd take him to see the GP - he may well have some sort of deficiency?'

No! The problem is he is a teenager!! That is what teh GP will say

Number3cometome · 18/03/2015 11:21

AliceMcGee
No - the issue is not being a 'teenager'

We have all been teenagers haven't we?

How many of you had that much of a problem getting to school on time?

Best to check his health out, and if he is just being lazy, the mere embarrassment of being told so by the GP may give him a kick up the arse.

ChipDip · 18/03/2015 11:25

Fgs op don't tip toe around him with all this 'dont humiliate the poor child nonsense'. There's millions of teens who are capable of getting themselves up and to school responsibly. He's 14 and for his mother to be taking his phone off him at that age, he should feel humiliated by his own behaviour!
Issue a warning about the door, and do it if he doesn't step up.

AliceMcGee · 18/03/2015 11:27

Do you seriously think if she turns up at the GP practice and says ' I am concerned because my 14 yo son doesn't want to get up for school in the morning', that the GP will order tests?
I have 3 teenagers and they would all be in bed til lunchtime if they could!
It isn't laziness, exactly.They have a different body clock and it is much harder for them.But that isn't an illness, that is normal!!

Miele72 · 18/03/2015 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Number3cometome · 18/03/2015 11:32

AliceMcGee

yeah you're right, just chuck cold water over him.

Mistigri · 18/03/2015 12:07

9 is a very early bedtime for a 14 year old, I think it's very unlikely he's going to sleep then!

I find with my teenager that removal of all electronic devices and money are generally rather effective :) I might threaten to remove the door as a specific sanction for inappropriate door-locking -but not as a punishment for not getting up. And I would give a warning before doing it.

School probably need to step up the sanctions too.

Most teenagers would stay in bed all morning if they could, surely? Both mine will sleep until lunchtime given half a chance. They do however get up for school in the morning because they know that they have no choice.

bereal7 · 18/03/2015 12:37

But he's 14, he shouldn't need his mum waking him. I would tell him the consequences of his actions. Tell him u will not give him any money, remove thinga that's YOU paid for as punishment and let him get on with it. He will eventually get bored and get his act on.

Anyway, if he's being forced to go to school then chances are he's disruptive there and probably ruining other's education. He's a big boy - let him get on with it.

superwoofer · 18/03/2015 12:49

To be frank and having lived through this, you just have to get a bit tough. You march in, in plenty of time, remove the duvet, open the curtains, open the window, whatever it takes. If they get out of the habit of getting up in the morning you will get in progressively deeper trouble. We fostered a teen who had not been to school for months and didn't want to get out of bed and this is what I did - he didn't like it, I didn't like it, the neighbours didn't like it, but he did end up getting to school on time and now he is at university. He needs you to sort this out.

He's not a 'big boy' who can sort it out himself - unless you've brought him up to be a big boy who sorts things out himself - and who does that these days?

CapnMurica · 18/03/2015 12:50

Can anyone point me to the study where teens in a normal household (I mean where there is no abuse) feel unprotected and have really terrible relationships with their parents because their door was replaced by a curtain for a short period of time?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 18/03/2015 12:57

Take the door off and then what? Drag him out of bed? Undress and dress him for school?

I think you need some better sanctions and to get his health checked out just in case there is more to thisthan being a lazy sod.

Bakeoffcake · 18/03/2015 12:59

I expect there isn't such a study Cap, because
a) it's such a stupid thing to do, why would anyone want to study it
b) it's unnecessary as there are lots of other things you can try.
c) I expect very few people actually do it. (Well I hope so anyway)

eskimobiscuits · 18/03/2015 13:00

I hated getting out of bed too- in fact I still do.

Are you sure he isn't having problems at school OP and he just doesn't want to go to school? Don't mean to cause worry- it's just a suggestion?

I would talk to the school first and let them try and sort it out. If that doesn't work then you need to take the tougher approach- i'm sure you don't want a bad atmosphere at home and I feel that taking his phone and DVD player will do just that.

At least by talking to the school first you have tried to be good cop and leaving bad cop as a last resort.

eskimobiscuits · 18/03/2015 13:00

Or maybe try getting up in the middle of the night (12/1ish?) and see if he is in bed watching TV still.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 18/03/2015 13:01

My friend took her dc door off and they still lived to tell the tale It wasn't over refusing to get up it was an other issue but it bloody worked.

People are so frightened of upsetting their kids these day. Sometimes sitting them
Down and having a respectful deep heart to heart with a 14/15/16 year old just doesn't cut it. Their mentality is completly different to an adult. They live in that very second there and then and don't give a crap if anyone else gets pissed off.

My eldest is 20 this summer, we have a very caring fab relationship but there was times I actually punished her and she didn't need counciling afterwards Shock

superwoofer · 18/03/2015 13:17

Moving - yes, that's right. You just keep going - I have gone as far as yelling over his head. Every morning will be a struggle but then one day it will not be a struggle. But every single morning, they have to get up and go to school. At that age, you cannot physically override them (and you haven't been able to since they were about five) but you still have control. You can remove every single thing from their bedroom, everything they own. You have to fight that battle, because I fundamentally disagree with the posters who say let them find out the consequences, let them get excluded, muck up their education, they'll learn... No, education is much harder to come back to - they need to go today.

The ability to get up comes from within - I wake up, I don't want to get up, then I remember I have to. Make sure his life is as good as you can make it - particularly sport, etc. but everything is conditional on him getting up on time.

Also help him keep his room tidy, put clean sheets on the bed, listen to him as much as you can, keep trying to get through to him, help him along as much as you can.

juliascurr · 18/03/2015 13:26

www.newscientist.com/article/mg21829130.100-why-teenagers-really-do-need-an-extra-hour-in-bed.html#.VQl8W9KsWZw

nobody would stop toddlers' afternoon nap

superwoofer · 18/03/2015 13:26

Our situation was more extreme but we had:

Life A: I get up and go to school on time. I will get all my favourites for dinner and there will be pudding. I can watch tv, use my computer, I get pocket money plus stuff I want bought for me. I can go out with my friends, try any healthy positive sport/hobby/activity I want, I can choose clothes that I like, my mobile phone is paid for and works.

Life B: I don't get up for school. I get fed and a roof over my head. I can do whatever healthy sport/activity/hobby I want but I have no mobile phone (service suspended, don't try taking away the device itself), no money, no computer gaming, no tv.

He will choose Life A.