to think that when someone says you look well they mean you've put weight on ??!!

[Alfiedoggy]

Bumped into a friend today I haven't seen for a while. Aibu to think that when she says you look well this equals "you've put weight on "?! Or is this my own insecurities

A friend said this to me the other day. I took it to mean you don't look knackered.

Actually, to be fair, I was feeling pretty fabulous and was wearing something I always feel great in. So perhaps it wasnt just not looking knackered.

I was pleased anyway, and didn't immediately want to examine my reflection to check for weight gain or anything.

I think I'm not the only one who thinks that ....though just asked dh and his reply was Wtaf are u on about ????well not quite that rude but that was the general gist !!!

Huh?

I say "you look well" to people when they look well. ie well rested and/or healthy and you know, well.

It never even occurred to me that it might mean "put on weight". My dad says it often, usually followed by "have you lost weight" so if anything I'd think it meant lost weight.

I find it useful to use to compliment a member of the opposite sex when other ways of saying it wouldn't quite be appropriate IYSWIM.

It's generational and possibly also cultural. If someone of my mother's generation from our bit of Ireland says 'you look well', it's definitely code for 'you've put on weight' - but for her generation and background, with different body ideas about strength/comeliness vs sickliness, it's not intended maliciously. (But it still means you've put on weight.) 'She's a fine girl' means the same thing.

A really hefty woman from our locality when I was a child was known to everyone as 'the Wagonstarter'.

Ah yes like above I wouldn't say to a bloke "you look fantastic" or " you look great" as it might sound a bit like I was coming on to him or something but you look well is reasonable.

Also someone like my parents if I said "you look fantastic!" they'd find it somewhat OTT

I find it useful

I'd just come back off holiday and customers said this to me in work. I took it to mean I looked relaxed and had a bit of a tan.

When I say it to others I genuinely mean that they look good. For whatever reason. Not as a snide barb.

YANBU

YABVU - this drives me mad. If you look well (happy/bright skin/great outfit/rested), I'll say you look well as a compliment.
If you've noticeably gained weight, I probably wouldn't comment on your appearance in case you're unhappy about it.

I can't believe the proportion of people on here who read PA nastiness into such a mild compliment - and how horrible that there are people out there that have meant it rudely and made you doubt every compliment for ever after.

Please, unless you know the person is a snidey cow, take it at face value - you look well!

I've only ever heard of this on Mumsnet

I tell people they look well all the time, if in fact they actually look well.

Their weight is their own business and wouldn't enter my head.

Summer I am soooooooo crabby tonight! If I've ever lived up to my name, it's now.

Out of interest, this is really a question for those that would think the person was implying you had put weight on when they say "you look well".

Have you ever told anyone they look well, and if so, did you actually mean they had put weight on?

I am curious because it's never crossed my mind that this would mean anything other than what it implies. The only time I can just about see it been a bit of a snide remark would be if it were made by someone with a history of been unpleasant. I guess I am a bit surprised that anyone would take offence.

Like PP says there may be regional / other differences with this also.

Round here it wouldn't occur to me that it meant what OP meant.

In fact I just asked DH and he said if someone says it he would take it to mean, healthy, possibly happy, and dependent on their base state eg if they had been ill.

Well, I am surprised more people haven't come across it. It makes me think that I'm right, and that it must be cultural and/or generational.

And everyone is assuming that it's said as an intentional slur, whereas my grandmother (background and generation where female strength and flesh was prized as suggesting a 'good worker' and not a sickly, feeble TB- prone type) said it all the time, but meant it as a compliment.

You can imagine how 'you look well, Tap - you've got as fat as butter!' went down when I was a puppy-fatted twelve-year-old.

It means you look fabulous and even better than when they saw you last.

YANBU,though it might not be weight necessarily I find it's said when people don't have anything else to say. I have friends who've admitted they say it when someone has gained weight/worn unflattering clothes, got a spot on the chin with an erruptable head.

Most time I've heard it use for weight gain though.

If i was you I'd go for the positive'I must look great' because you'll never know if they were one to say it for that reason or not.

I would wonder if someone said 'i looked well' if I looked ill before that/ I remember getting told that by at least 6 or 7 friends after I had my appendix out. I'm sure I didn't look 'well' at all: drugged up, bloated, bruised and pale.

Yanbu, It means you have put weight on to me!

"Yanbu, It means you have put weight on to me!"

It is a compliment. Does this mean that you always read insults into compliments?

I have two friends who also think "you look well/healthy" means "you've put on weight". Sadly they both have a long history of disordered eating.

I guess for them it comes from doctors/hospital staff/family telling them that they look more healthy when they are eating more, except they equate eating to being fat.

Agree with Pilchard - if a man says this to me I assume he's just remembered that he finds me attractive. If a woman says it, I assume she means it. I say it to friends - actually I probably say "you look great" more often than "you look well".

When I was recovering from an eating disorder everyone started saying I looked well because they didn't want to say I'd put on weight, so for me yanbu.

But if you were recovering from Ann eating disorder surely you needed to put n weight to look well?

If I say it, it's a compliment, and means you look nice. I would never comment on a friend's weight gain or loss because it's none of my business and I'm not a bitch.

I say it as a compliment and always take it as one! I find it strange that any one would take it otherwise! To those who think otherwise , do you give out insincere "compliments" that mean something else?

I must admit I always assume they mean 'You've put on weight'.