AIBU to move DD to London

[BusyHomemaker]

I'm a single parent, living in my home town in the East Midlands. Job opportunities are, frankly, abysmal. DD's father moved away two years ago but does come back to see her once a fortnight. I never meant to end up back in my home town, ex lost his job so it was needs must situation. We split over two years ago due to his emotional abuse, and following counselling and a lot of work I finally feel like myself again. Divorce proceedings are underway. My parents have been supportive and are close to DD but I find them suffocating and they can be quite controlling... They seem to view me as a 33yr old child! They mean well but I have always found my relationship with them more manageable (and still close) when living away. I have lived in various places since uni, including abroad for a short time so I'm not particularly attached to my home town, as lovely as the people are.

I have lived in London in the past for over two years and absolutely adore the place. I have taken DD to the museums twice (she's 3) and she loves it too. I still have friends there.

An agency in my home town have put me forward for a role as Receptionist/Admin for an accountancy firm for 20K. I have been running my own craft business whilst caring for my daughter but now itching to get back into the workplace. This is similar to the work I did when living in London before... In Canary Wharf and Moorgate. My plan is to do this job for 12/18mths, saving a few thousand (entirely possible, according to my budget) and aim to move down during the summer before DD starts school. She's due to start Sept 2016. I've been considering where to live and my preference so far is Muswell Hill as it seems family friendly, good schools, fairly close to friends, about 20 min commute to city, easy to get to Kings Cross for seeing family in East Midlands and also DD's dad (based in Sheffield). I know rents are high but if I aim for a salary of 30K I think it's doable for two bed flat. I would also get £200 pm child maintenance and £20 pw CB

Am I mad? Is this just a pipe dream or can I make it a reality? I desperately want to!!

I'm interested in other people's views/tips/shared experience.

TIA

I live in Muswell Hill and it's incredibly expensive. Look at rents online first. Schools are oversubscribed. No tube so after school run I drive to Bounds Green tube. I don't think it's doable on your budget.

I thought about this thread some more last night and came on this morning to say more or less what Woozle has said!

I now live 70 miles out of London. DD and I have a day out in London every 4/6 weeks and really enjoy it. However it is noticeably more crowded, the traffic is terrible, and there's a lot more pressure on infrastructure than there was 15 years ago.

My sister hates her commute from Muswell Hill to Liverpool Street and is thinking of moving out to Enfield (good overground to Seven Sisters for the tube and to the City).

I grew up in East Ham and I would warn you against both East Ham and Stratford to be honest....

Try Forest Gate, there are some nice parts of that.

If you know you can afford it – and that's a big if –then I say go for it.

I think London must be a wonderful place to be a child in, especially if their parent(s) is as enthusiastic and so up for making it a good experience as you obviously are.

Many cultural things are free or cheap. The parks and Heath are glorious. All kinds of people and foods and cultures and lifestyles are represented.

I speak as someone who grew up in small-town economically depressed East Midlands. I go back now and it's still the same. It's soul-sucking.

We live in SE London and it's major benefit is the travel connections. We're close to 2 DLR lines and will be getting the benefit of Crossrail too. It's got a bad press in the past but we're lucky that we're in Zone 5 and can still just get houses for less than £250k.

Good luck with your decision, we came back here after 11 years away and it is a great place to have kids but, like anywhere, the hidden costs can bite you really quickly.

I live ten minutes drive from a mainline station that's 20 minutes from central London. I can reach the centre faster than many people in 'London'. I think somewhere like here, just outside the M25, might be a better solution for you. Close enough to spend your weekends wandering round london, far enough to have countryside and nice schools for your daughter.

I also think another city might make more sense. I love bringing my DC up in London, but it is crazy expensive and there's no way I could do it in your situation. Course there are single parents here who manage on £30k or less, but they'll already have homes here and support networks. Starting from scratch would be so tough and not pleasant. Is it really worth it to live in a one-bed flat a long way out and have no spare cash? How would you ever have a night out? Once you factor in babysitter, drinks and transport, one night out in town can set you back the best part of £100. Childcare costs are monstrous and school places can be a nightmare. I just can't see how it's doable on a notional £30k. As PPs have said, many people are moving the other way with DCs - further out of the city, and these are couples with higher incomes and mortgaged homes, but who just don't feel it's worth it to live in a poky flat in a not so nice area when their kids could have bigger homes, gardens etc.

I feel weird saying all this cos I love London so much and totally understand your yearning, but it just doesn't sound realistic or the right choice for you and your DD. Your attitude is fab and I'm sure you'll get out of your hometown and make a great life for your DD, but I think London is making things too hard for yourself for not enough gain. There are lots of nice cities to consider before blowing your wad down here.

(Just to add - I know there will also be single parents here on less than £30k, who don't have their own homes or support networks, but unfortunately I can't see that they'd be living a life that the OP is aspiring to)

pinkdelight my mum has raised six kids in London, on her own, on a salary of 32k. she has a house with a garden in a relatively nice area. I'm not saying it easy but it is done!

Scrunchie - but I'm assuming she either has housing help or bought the house a long time ago. Starting from scratch today on £32k, needing childcare for x6, and renting min £20k a year, plus living and feeding children, and managing to save 10% house deposit is very difficult.

If you would be looking at canary wharf as a place to work, the definitely look at places along the east London line, brockley, honor oak but more likely forest hill and Sydenham are all much more affordable and lovely places to raise children. Easy commute for you, good schools and cheaper rents.

If I were in your shoes, I would consider retraining as a teacher - then look for residential positions in private schools.

If you're good enough at reception/admin to get a well paying position, then you would have the organisational skills required. It's just whether you would be want to work with children.

Here is a site re single parents looking for flat shares in London www.movethat.co.uk/London/Forum/Single_Parents/ this might be a good option whilst you get settled

Thanks for that Toots :)

Having carried out a little more research and read through old threads, I've realised it's actually quite common for young families to rent one bedroom flats. This seems like a small sacrifice to make in order to live in a more central location.

Muswell Hill, as mentioned, is very expensive and I would imagine difficult to find an affordable rent there, especially as you're single (so only 1 income) and would have to pay childcare.

I'm in Ally Pally, about a mile down the road, which because it has an N22 postcode is cheaper and has the advantage of the station being a direct line to Moorgate/Kings X.

I don't have kids so I'm not 100% sure on the schools but to the best of my knowledge the local secondary school (Alexandra Park School-APS) has a good reputaion. The closest primaries are Rhodes Ave and Bounds Green. You'd need to goodle them for OFSTED etc.

We moved out of london. Even in not-central london it was impossible as a family on that kind of income. We're much happier now with a house and space to park etc. We do come up for a week a year to visit museums etc but the downsides in quality of life just made it unaffordable for us. I think london can be amazing... if you have v.high salary or have council housing fairly central. I think it can be quite tricky otherwise!

One of your biggest issues (as mentioned right at the start of the thread) is sorting out a school for your dd. You won't be able to move to London in the summer and just pitch up at your local primary on 1st September.

You should actually think about moving earlier. Work out the deadline for applying to primary schools and work backwards from there.

To be fair to you:

Alexandra Park isn't exactly M Hill, but it is a quicker commute to the CITY, not to Canary Wharf. You should research this carefully.

Working in the City will pay well, even for admin roles but you should be very careful about working hours.

London is a fantastic place to live and bring up kids. I know some people want to move out once they have kids to have a house with more space etc, but I'm someone who's prepared to make sacrifices on size of house for the buzz of being where everything is happening. I totally understand why you'd want to do it. And London has loads of good schools - overall these days London's schools are the best in the country.

I agree with others who've said that SE London is where you're most likely to find something you can afford, that still feels like being 'properly' in London. And if you think you'll work in the City or Canary Wharf, it makes total sense location-wise. Think New Cross, Nunhead, Brockley, Forest Hill, Catford, Sydenham.

How about moving somewhere like Herts? St Albans / Welwyn Garden City, trains from WGC to Morgate take only 40 mins and you could afford to rent right near the station.
I realise you would be in London but would be just as fast to get in to the centre as it would take from Muswell Hill!

That's heartening scrunchie, but surely she got the house long ago (six kids ago?) and isn't privately renting on that salary? Also presumably wasn't single for the duration of having six kids? Just doesn't seem possible to achieve what you describe alone right now, even with one DC.

I really think you're being unrealistic.

According to a quick run through an income tax calculator (assuming no student loan), if you were on a salary of £30k your monthly take home pay would be £1957. Not sure what tax credits/child benefit/maintenance etc you are entitled to.

So just a sample monthly budget for Lewisham, which is where I currently live (no kids):

Rent (2 bed apartment): £1450 (rents have gone up a lot in the last year)
Council tax: £100 (minus single person allowance = £75)
Gas/electricity: £50
Water: £25
Phone/internet: £20
Monthly travel card to City: £135

TOTAL: £1755

Then there's child care, food etc.

We share our flat but not sure how easy it would be to find a flat mate with a child in tow. Perhaps single parent sharing might work but I don't think it's very common. We lived in a one bed flat in Peckham about 2 years ago, the rent even then was £950pcm.

My parents live near Cambridge and I went to uni in Oxford - rents there are comparable to London and some of the worst in the country for the income people can get there.

Personally, I think London is a miserable place unless you're well off. There is a lot to do, sure, but for a price. And the chances to save and get on the property ladder here are dismal.

You'd definitely be better off in a different city, or even working in London and living somewhere like Essex? I know a lot of the secretaries at work commute into the City from places like Southend and Brentwood where prices are lower. But then you'd have to take into account the season ticket prices, which are ludicrous...

I think another poster mentioned Nunhead or Brockley: these areas have actually become very gentrified and unaffordable. Even New Cross is now 'cool' enough to draw high rents.

I'd definitely think about another big city as a stepping stone in your situation - Edinburgh is lovely and everyone I know raves about Manchester and Leeds as lovely places to raise kids - I love visiting Manchester with my DS as there's so much to do that he enjoys, particularly MOSI.

I think it's an absolutely fine thing to want to do though, regardless of where you go!