Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to post a video of my child having a tantrum...

122 replies

Fairy13 · 16/03/2015 20:02

God help me, I'm throwing this to the vipers when I'm already feeling vulnerable...

My friend has been very strange recently... Not been in touch, been very quiet... Then I text her today to see if she was available for coffee... No, she says, she doesn't think we can be friends anymore. She doesn't agree with lots if my choices of late.

I asked what, she said 'it was horrible that you posted the video of DS having a tantrum on fb'....

She feels that a tantrum is a very distressing time for a child whether we agree with it or not and to stand filming it rather than pacifying it was damaging for his self esteem.

I have had very severe PND and left a violent relationship over a year ago now... She makes no secret of the fact that she doesn't agree with the way I parent, for example that I work rather than stay at home with hi, (I work four days a week).

She feels that we can't be friends anymore.

I realise that this is about more than the Facebook post, but really, I'm genuinely intrigued as to whether that in itself was unreasonable as I didn't even consider it...

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairy13 · 16/03/2015 20:27

He was having a tantrum because he didn't want to get in the bath, he is nearly 2, video is 30 seconds long consisting of me asking him to come and gave his bath... Him screaming nooo... Obviously I had tried distractions, cuddles etc first but nothing worked... So I just let him get on with it while repeating what I wanted him to do... He calmed down, we had a cuddle, done.

I'm still learning as this is a new phase. Her big issue was how I dealt with it.

flannel I know how it sounds... But the choices she is referring to are me choosing to work, me deciding not to take anti depressants, and letting him stay overnight with my mum (he's too young apparently).

OP posts:
ThisFenceIsComfy · 16/03/2015 20:27

Ah x post unbelievable

mytartanscarf · 16/03/2015 20:28

I don't like that website but I actually prefer it to posting on Facebook. Facebook isn't anonymous - it's family, friends, neighbours.

Would YOU like a picture of yourself looking and sounding stupid to be circulated amongst them?

bakingaddict · 16/03/2015 20:30

She has probably come to the conclusion that you are very different people and that you no longer have similar interests or ideals in common.

Some of my friends do things that i don't always agree with but there are enough other things for the friendship to work. Sounds like this FB thing has tipped the balance

alicemalice · 16/03/2015 20:32

Oh a nearly 2 year old, I can't really see a big problem in that. Friends of mine have posted tantrum videos from time to time. Hardly the end of the world.

WrappedInABlankie · 16/03/2015 20:32

YNbu imo,

then again I've video's my ds having a tantrum (rolling on the floor and screaming) and sent it to my partner in a 'seriously this is what I'm dealing with Hmm' as nothing was stopping him and he told me it wasn't that bad ConfusedHmm

I do take photos of my kids naked though because he doesn't where clothes, you put them on and unless you're going out all day there on the floor and he's wrapped in a blanket within 5 minutes. Same when he's ill granted theirs only 8 people on my facebook and all of them are family.

Pyjamasandwine · 16/03/2015 20:34

Oh ffs op some of our home movie treasures are of our dcs having tantrums/grumps. They love them now as adults/teens and it's all part of family life.

Your friend sounds a royal pita and hopefully you can lurk to see how she managed to be Bloody Mary poppins when she actually had kids herself so has any inkling of what it's really like.

In my 25 years as a parent without dought the most screwed up kids our kids knew had parents who were child psychologists or experts. They inflict their theories on their own kids and try to instruct others.

Tell her to unclench and fuck off.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 16/03/2015 20:37

Someone who will make negative comments about your actions or your parenting is not a friend.

UnbelievableBollocks · 16/03/2015 20:38

Here, all of,you.

read this and sob your wanton tears of disbelief at the evil sharers

Won't somebody think of the children. :(

kali110 · 16/03/2015 20:41

Op it's her loss.
By the sounds of it i don't think you've done anything wrong!
I love that website fence.
It was in a magazine a few months back too!

OddBodkins · 16/03/2015 20:41

So sorry to hear about your Pnd and very difficult relationship troubles, you must feel particularly vulnerable at the moment.

I'm afraid I agree with your friend about the video. I just don't think it's respectful of your child's privacy. I look at it this way, would you like someone to post a video of you being upset on fb? Probably not. Having said that I would think your friend might cut you a bit of slack given your considerable challenges.

LittleBairn · 16/03/2015 20:42

YABU for posting the video, its shaming a dreadful thing to do to a child.
But she seems like a crappy friend dumping you when you could do with a lot of support.

woowoo22 · 16/03/2015 20:43

Your so called friend sounds very sanctimonious then. Still a bit weird to a) video it and b) put online IMO, but your pal is being more of an oddball.

alicemalice · 16/03/2015 20:44

But come on, the kid is not even 2. It's entirely normal for a 2 year old to have a tantrum and is quite cute. It's really not the same thing as an adult being upset by any stretch.

Catsize · 16/03/2015 20:48

If someone posted a video of you having a breakdown, how would you feel? Just sayin'...

WorraLiberty · 16/03/2015 20:48

Yeah, I can see that now to be honest. My family enjoyed seeing it but I should have done it privately.

Err no, you shouldn't have done it at all imo.

How would you like it if you were in tears/distressed and someone posted a video of you for your family to 'enjoy'?

LittleRobots · 16/03/2015 20:49

I dont get why it is cute or why family would "enjoy" seeing it? Have they got issues too?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 16/03/2015 20:51

A tantrum is not a breakdown.toddlers can sound mightily upset then happy as anything 2 minutes later.

UnbelievableBollocks · 16/03/2015 20:52

good grief. She's not recording or posting something to shame a child. A 2yo tantrum is a different kettle of fish to and adult or older child.

Would I film and post a teenager tantrum - no as they're being ridiculous and it would embarrass them.

Two year olds however? Cute and not shaming.

WrappedInABlankie · 16/03/2015 20:53

All what if it was you?

Really?? As an adult you don't have a meltdown over the fact you don't want a bath/or that towel or as my DS did this morning because the baby in the photo stole his blanket, it was a photo of him in his blanket.

If I did Id find it funny because it's ridiculous

alicemalice · 16/03/2015 20:54

Massive overreaction here, to say the OP has 'issues'.

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 16/03/2015 20:56

Oh ffs, I see the horrified pearl clutchers are out in force tonight! OP friend is a judgey twat to end a friendship with you over this, says far more about her than it does about you and I really don't think you need people like that in your life esp considering the PND/DV. Get yourself some nice supportive friends.

A 2 yo having a hissy fit over a bath is not a child in distress. A 30second video on fb is not tantamount to child abuse. I have a DD who has sensory issues and meltdowns. We are talking screaming rages over the slightest thing many many times a day more than is "normal" for toddlers. Black humour gets us through sometimes and I've posted short snippets of her howling and throwing cat litter about the house before. It was 20 seconds of film after I'd spent twenty minutes trying to calm her down and then recognised that she was about to burn out of her own accord so I stepped back. My fb is limited to friends who are fully aware of her issues and understand that I use it as a space to vent, so it's fine.

It would be different if OP had posted a video of her child sobbing in agony with a broken arm for eg, or hysterically screaming as a giant spider advanced towards her but a wee tantrum is not the same. I think when you have a child like mine, who takes the idea of "tantrum" to a whole new level you CAN (I'm not saying everyone does) but CAN see them less as "child in distress" and more as "child working some emotions out of their system" and therefore step back a bit. If I didn't, and if I didn't have friends I could joke about sticking them in the oven to, I think I'd have had a breakdown by now. Judge that!

MrsFlannel · 16/03/2015 20:58

Shadows I think you're trying to justify your own behaviour with that post...calling people "Pearl clutchers" is just stupid...why share a video with the internet when it's not even of YOU?

UnbelievableBollocks · 16/03/2015 20:58

I've got a fantastic picture of DD in total rage as she's sat in the laundry basket, because she asked to be sat in the laundry basket. That one went onto FB.

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 16/03/2015 21:00

Xposted with some others while writing that.
It's being compared to posting a video of an adult having a breakdown? Honestly? How utterly ridiculous. I've had a breakdown. It is not equivalent. I wanted to kill myself and wandered up a dual carriageway. The equivalent would be the time I burst into tears, threw my handbag on the floor and jumped up and down on it when pregnant with DS and tescos had run out of chocolate donuts!! EXP didn't post a video of it on fb but he did rip the piss out of me and tell everyone about it for months afterwards ... Because I wasn't "in distress", I was out of control with hormones and emotions I didn't know what to do with and I felt like an utter twat about ten seconds later!

Swipe left for the next trending thread