To be really rather angry about this woman refusing to formula feed her baby?

[HairyOrk]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/mar/14/my-friend-breastfed-my-baby-elisa-albert

First I am completely pro mother's choice when it comes to breast feeding vs formula feeding. I don't place judgement on any woman at all on her choice on this matter.

But the author of this article essentially starved her baby because of her desperate desire to breast feed - and not because she felt it was the best choice, but because she wanted to be different from her own mother's parenting.

I think its great for people to be determined to make the right choice for them, but AIBU in thinking this woman was almost cruel for allowing her baby to become "shrivelled" and "plucked chicken like" (by her own admission) because she refused to formula feed, despite not being able to fully breast feed?

"As for the idea that she was somehow selfish for remaining at home when the midwife didn't turn up, that's ridiculous."

Lots of women arrive at hospital in very late first stage labour. It's also quite normal and expected for the midwife to attend a homebirth only when the mother is in strong active labour. By the time this mother realised what was going on with her midwife she was probably close to giving birth, at which point it would have been foolhardy to get in the car.

The worst of all options is to end up giving birth on the side of the road.

Just because someone starts with swearing does not mean you have to bite...

Anyway I do think that there is an element where women don't think rationally about this - sometime because they can't. They don't deserve to be called selfish or otherwise abused for it. They need help and support.

I would also be mindful that the author is trying to write a story so her use of language might be a little more dramatic than the reality for artist license. And her comments were about comparing her baby with another o the effect could again be to exaggerate the effect. I do know that when I compare DS (perfectly normal weight) with other babies he has always looked shockingly skinny in comparison and it has bothered me in the past.

stinkers

Yep

RedToothBrush I have my opinion on that article just as you do. I'm entitled to it. I have no issue with mothers trying to breastfeed. Of course they should try if they want to. But to be so desperate to exclusively breastfeed whilst having issue with it but giving no other source of food to your baby until you get sorted is just awful. You're not thinking of your baby, you're thinking of your own want. Of course, not thinking straight because of panic/sleep deprivation/irrational fear of formula milk etc has it's part to play. But essentially you should just want to get food into your baby, regardless of method. This whole article was about what the mother wanted to do, not want the baby needed.

The woman obviously spent a huge amount of money, first on arranging a lovely home birth with visiting private midwife, and then on a number of breastfeeding consultants. I think that she will have found it particularly hard to accept the non-perfect experiences both of giving birth and of attempting to breast-feed because of that.
She is exaggerating the difficulties of having a new-born - because it was hard for her. I had almost none of the support that she says that you need, and had to go straight back to work as well, while looking after the new born, and I still really enjoyed having a baby.

Stinkers - I agree. I would have been terribly worried if my baby wasn't getting enough food, particularly over a long period, as happened here. Getting enough food is a way higher priority than feeding breast milk over formula.
Frightening to read what someone has posted here - they had a friend who weaned their baby at 8 weeks (6 months is recommended) because they had a problem with breastfeeding and couldn't face giving their baby formula. Breast milk is better than formula, but formula, if used with safe water, is fine! My aunt tells me that in her day babies were fed on evaporated milk mixed with water. Even they did fine!
We live in a society where some pregnant women apparently phone their doctors to ask about abortion if they accidentally eat a pudding which has a bit of alcohol in it. It's madness.

I know someone who starved their baby rather than FF. Even years later it upsets me. I think it happens quite a bit in certain circles.

It is actually irresponsible to have a home birth with only one midwife and no back up plan and to then stubbornly stick to that plan regardless. She had a doula but no realistic plan, it seems, for anything going wrong or changing. It's her baby's life on the line, not some personal experience for her. She's lucky she had her baby with no complications or they could have both suffered.

SolasEile couldn't agree more. Thus whole thing was all about her, not her baby.

That was the implication of the article at first, but I gather that the friend only nursed the baby for a short time to take the pressure off the writer, and give her a bit of emotional space to "come to terms" with mixed feeding. It worked out in the end.

Re read the article and now on top of it the author sounds like a melodramatic nutter. Get over yourself, feed your child and move on!