To be really rather angry about this woman refusing to formula feed her baby?

[HairyOrk]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/mar/14/my-friend-breastfed-my-baby-elisa-albert

First I am completely pro mother's choice when it comes to breast feeding vs formula feeding. I don't place judgement on any woman at all on her choice on this matter.

But the author of this article essentially starved her baby because of her desperate desire to breast feed - and not because she felt it was the best choice, but because she wanted to be different from her own mother's parenting.

I think its great for people to be determined to make the right choice for them, but AIBU in thinking this woman was almost cruel for allowing her baby to become "shrivelled" and "plucked chicken like" (by her own admission) because she refused to formula feed, despite not being able to fully breast feed?

rita yy

Not getting involved in the BF/FF debate here, but some pp should re-read the article. It says clearly that her friend was "visibly shaken by the sight of our shrivelled infant", that she refused to take the consultants advice to mix with formula at this point, and it is obvious that weeks went past before she went to her friend for wet nursing.

Well bia have you got all those stats on the BF babies who die as a result then ??

Exactly, bialystockandbloom - that's why I said 'poor baby'. Once the feeding was sorted, not poor baby any more.

red

I think that is the case, ds1 certainly lost just over 10%

I agree with op. And as a continuation from a previous thread where several doctors commented, I don't believe any medical personnel would recommend a child take milk from an unscreened source,....friend or not. That just wrong IMO.

rita was that question about BF babies dying to me? Sorry, but what are you on about?

The harm that BF does bia if the mother co ntinues
Do you have stats you back it up?

Seriously, what?

Don't be silly.
The thread is based on the premise that this mother is starving her child and causing serious harm by continuing BF .
Where are the stats that show that by EBF they are harming their babies.ie they are failing to thrive.
There must be lots if this thread is anything to go by...

just read article and see she has written a book

Baby is alive and well cared for I see no issue. This poor woman tried everything to do what she thought was best for her baby, a neglectful mother would have let said baby starve.

Welcome to motherhood, permanently judged, accused and undervalued.

I FF, I'll be judged
I co-sleep sometimes, I'll be judged
I use baby puree and not blw, I'll be judged
I will be judged, so be it, but not a single fuck will be given in return.

Mine lost nine and a half percent of his body weight. I was put under immense pressure to ff in hospital, and was told if I didn't then he would be ng tube fed. I gave them (twins) one bottle and felt terrible. Nobody asked if I wanted to pump my own milk, the whole thing was a fucking shambles. I persevered with bf and we got it sussed, they never had formula. Babies losing weight is NOT the same as them 'starving' and this woman has done right by herself and her baby.

YAB completely U

The people criticising are obviously not aware that most babies lose weight at first and that bf babies frequently take a while to develop a good latch and feed well, and that they may feed around the clock to stimulate milk.

Now it is not 'normal' for a baby to be struggling so much in the beginning, but I've known a few babies (of friends) be very little to begin with then suddenly get the knack of feeding and shoot up the centiles.

Of course it is important to ensure babies don't lose too much weight, but you can not tell from that article alone how the author's baby was really doing. What is clear is that she was recovering from childbirth and in whirl of confused thoughts and emotions and couldn't see the wood for the trees. She did eventually and baby is doing well. Just lay off!

OP -I agree - I read the article on Saturday with incredulity

The feeding issues are her own choice: at least she supplemented with formula as needed and was resourceful in solving her problems.

Her birth, on the other hand, was just reckless and selfish. I'm far more alarmed to read that she just stayed at home for 3 hours in active labour waiting for her midwife to show up rather than how she fed her baby. That shows a remarkable stubbornness and obsession with the choice to birth at home regardless of the risk to herself or her baby. She basically had an unattended birth which is wildly irresponsible. On that basis alone I conclude she has some 'ishoos' that seem to take precedence with her over her own child's welfare.

She came across as someone who had lots of issues, she commented herself she does not get on well with other women;as someone who is very inflexible once she has made her mind up about how things must be done.

The people criticising are obviously not aware that most babies lose weight at first and that bf babies frequently take a while to develop a good latch and feed well, and that they may feed around the clock to stimulate milk.

I disagree - I think people posting on this thread are well aware of the above. The article gives the impression that the baby wasn't thriving, that the weight loss was more serious and persistent than the initial, expected, up-to-10%-of-birth-weight loss.

Perhaps the author of the article was unaware of these issues herself? I doubt it, but it's hard to tell. There was an odd tone to the whole article, I can't quite put my finger on what it is.

I read the article and I agree with the OP!!

There is a huge difference between 'losing some birth weight' and becoming 'shrunken and shrivelled'.

Babies need food. It doesn't matter if her baby was breastfeeding round the clock if he wasn't getting anything. She neglected to feed her baby for a long time because she was so hung up on how he gets the food. Maybe not selfish, as I'm sure she thought she was doing the right thing, but utterly, dangerously irresponsible.

Runningupthathill82, I don't have anger. I have an opinion. You seem to have the anger... guilt possibly?

stinkers

How you can read runners post and then make that comment is beyond me

Guilty...fucking cuntish comment, she has nothing to feel guilty about

GingerCuddleMonster: "Welcome to motherhood, permanently judged, accused and undervalued."

That says it all, really. The poor woman was desperate to do the best thing for her baby (i.e. breastfeed) and she worked incredibly hard at it despite the difficulties and the exhaustion. I don't see that that is "selfish".

As for the idea that she was somehow selfish for remaining at home when the midwife didn't turn up, that's ridiculous. The fault lies with the midwife who was clearly lazy or incompetent. In that situation you imagine the midwife is going to turn up at some point - you don't think, "Well, the midwife obviously isn't coming so I'll get myself off to a hospital that isn't even expecting me".

A mother's place is in the wrong, it seems.

RufusTheReindeer start a post at me with 'Fuck right off' and don't expect a gushing reply. 'Cuntish'? Nice. Do you kiss your kids with that potty mouth?