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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say that it's often the crap mums who get spoiled on Mothers Day

95 replies

Springtulip · 15/03/2015 13:38

It's something I've noticed over the years. The mums who do everything for their kids, (I'm thinking more grown up kids) and their grandkids, the ones who are always there to lend a hand, babysit, just in general do what they can to make their kids lives easier, are often the ones who don't get made a fuss of on Mother's Day. Where as the ones who don't get involved and never lend a helping hand, never babysit (I've known loads who don't) and weren't even very good mums when their kids were little, get pampered, took out for meals, made a fuss of.
I'm not saying this is the case for everyone but I have noticed it quite a lot. Anyone else agree.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 15/03/2015 13:52

Yes, oh yes. And it's because they were crap and the child (however old it is) just wants to be loved by their mother

Every year my foster child goes off desperately laden with gifts for their mother while I get a usually fairly odd card (as they're naturally ambivalent and weirded out by my role in their life)

It's horribly sad for them

zeezeek · 15/03/2015 14:18

Often it's the crap mothers who make a big deal about it all as well.

SnakeyMcBadass · 15/03/2015 14:22

No, not really. I spoil my mum because I adore her. I'd phone it in if she was a cow.

TheoriginalLEM · 15/03/2015 14:23

I didn't get spoilt, in fact i didn't even get a card from DD1 (24) but i got a facebook message but to be fair, i was a shit mother!

DD2 made me a card at school and brought me flowers bought from the PFA (which i just happen to run )

So on the whole, a bit pants really but honestly - its just another excuse to line hallmark's pockets. I am still waiting on my bacon sarnie having been to work and bought the components of on the way home only for DP to disappear into the bath and is still there 3 hours later

I don't care - i luffs them all

Buxtonstill · 15/03/2015 14:31

I think there ought to be a category AIBI. Am I being irrelevant? I know plenty of mums who are lovely with their kids and get treated on Mothers Day. Are you basing this opinion on your social circle of a handful of people?

PHANTOMnamechanger · 15/03/2015 14:37

we once moved into a house where a middle aged mother and teenaged son had lived. the house was being sold as part of a very acrimonious divorce. they had punched holes in all the doors before they left the house and drilled holes in the kitchen worktop!

they were awful people according to all the neighbours who were glad to get rid, always having drunken rows, calling the police on each other, locking each other out, throwing cups of coffee down the street at each other, you name it. the emergency services were regular visitors. she was an alcoholic, he was a yob.

they left behind a bin liner in the loft FULL of a lifetime of those most ghastly (and expensive) huge padded cards for "worlds best mother", my darling valentine, wonderful wife, my lovely mum etc etc.

we found it quite sad. but yes OP, I think you might have something - some of the grabbier threads about MD on here appear to be from folk who think that just giving birth makes them somehow special and entitled to praise and gratitude, not the actual caring, being a good role model etc etc that makes a good mum.

TheBuskersDog · 15/03/2015 14:37

Can I just say that not being available at the drop of a hat for your grown up kids does not make you a crap mother, it may just be that you have other things going on in your life, or you don't see it as your job to provide free childcare for their children.

BallsToThat · 15/03/2015 14:45

I think thats absolute bollocks.

I think the women who are lucky enough to have really good partners in their lives are the ones who get spoilt more often than not. Partners who organise the kids to make cards, pay for gifts and flowers, get up and make breakfast in bed or arrange a day out, do the cooking and cleaning on that day (and most likely, share the domestic duties generally).

ginmakesitallok · 15/03/2015 14:47

Nonsense op. How much you get our don't get on mother's day is no reflection on how good a mother you are. What shite.

GladysTheGolem · 15/03/2015 14:50

Wouldn't say that but it's the most unhappy mums I know making a big thing about it/valentines/other hallmark occasions on Facebook (and they tend to be unhappy because of shit partners).

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/03/2015 14:57

There are a few mothers who demand stuff all the time as their due and that is part of a wider pattern of narc behaviour. I would say that's a minority, though.

I don't think the expectation that mothers run around after their adult children all the time is very healthy either. Since MIL died, FIL has done nothing. No cards, presents, babysitting, visiting unless forced, caring in any way. Because MIL did all of that. Really flawed idea.

Original poster

Springtulip · 15/03/2015 15:00

I think there ought to be a category AIBI. Am I being irrelevant?
It'd be a busy thread then, you could say a large percentage of threads are irrelevant couldn't you? But it was relevant enough for you to click it on.

OP posts:

insancerre · 15/03/2015 15:01

I must be the worlds best mother then because all I've got from my DC is a Facebook message from one of them
They both went to an all night rave last night in Leeds and they haven't returned yet
Dh is in the kitchen making me lasagne

Philoslothy · 15/03/2015 15:05

I have been spoilt, I am a mediocre mother. By MN standards I am probably shit.

BuzzardBird · 15/03/2015 15:15

Trying to buy a Mother's love is definiitely the reason for some, not all, but some.

Original poster

Springtulip · 15/03/2015 15:19

i did say at the beginning that this isn't always the case, but quite often. It's what I have observed.

OP posts:

reallybadidea · 15/03/2015 15:22

Interesting that you equate doing everything for your children with being a good mother. Often that's rather bad parenting IMO.

Original poster

Springtulip · 15/03/2015 15:24

or you don't see it as your job to provide free childcare for their children
Oh no that's not what I said, i wasn't on about childcare, I said babysitting. There's a massive difference.

OP posts:

2cats2many · 15/03/2015 15:26

I got spoiled today, but I don't think I'm a crap mother

LithaR · 15/03/2015 15:29

Yabu. The good mothers appreciate whatever their child can afford. When my ds is older I wouldn't want him spending a fortune on gifts for me when he could just give me a hug.

ilovechristmas1 · 15/03/2015 15:31

agree op,i know of one mother that has a massive drink problem and often brings strange men back,she spends money on drink before food,rent and utilities,her two teenage children especially the oldest has kept the family together more or less bringing up the youngest, the poor kids used to come to me for antiseptic,plasters,batteries,etc as they never has any in the house and the mother wouldnt buy them

the women is a disgrace and very self centered and im always amazed how the eldest daughter sticks up and makes a huge fuss of her

i have always put it down to the daughter looking for her mothers love and exceptance,it is so sad to see,the mother is a complete bitch even stabbing her daughter in the leg with a fork

but every mothers day cards,flowers,personalized mugs etc are bought and a huge fuss is made,that mother does not deserve them kids but it's the way it is,very sad for the children

CatsCantTwerk · 15/03/2015 15:32

What a load of utter shite.

Original poster

Springtulip · 15/03/2015 15:53

ilovechristmas1
Yes the woman you describe is a good example of what I mean. I also know of a Mum who sounds quite similar, drinks heavily, neglected her kids badly when little, never had food in for them, didn't keep them clean etc, and yet now these grown up kids treat her like a queen, spoil her, you can guarantee she'll be out today wined and dined, but the thing is she takes it as her due, she's very entitled with her expectations of her kids.
Catscanttwerk this "load of utter shite" is what I have observed so are you saying I observe shite, or you don't agree with what I have obseved?

OP posts:

Carrierpenguin · 15/03/2015 16:00

Yanbu. It's often the crap parents who pressurise their dc to do the most on mothers day too, I wonder if it's to reassure them that they weren't really as crap as they were...

It's nice to be recognised on mothers day. But most parents know whether they did/do their best with their kids or not. If I did my best then I feel ok, whether I get wined and dined or not.

ilovechristmas1 · 15/03/2015 16:01

Springtulip i expect were making it all up

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