To say that it's often the crap mums who get spoiled on Mothers Day

[Springtulip]

It's something I've noticed over the years. The mums who do everything for their kids, (I'm thinking more grown up kids) and their grandkids, the ones who are always there to lend a hand, babysit, just in general do what they can to make their kids lives easier, are often the ones who don't get made a fuss of on Mother's Day. Where as the ones who don't get involved and never lend a helping hand, never babysit (I've known loads who don't) and weren't even very good mums when their kids were little, get pampered, took out for meals, made a fuss of.
I'm not saying this is the case for everyone but I have noticed it quite a lot. Anyone else agree.

YABU.

My IL's have been the subject of many a thread on here Rabbit, this doesn't even touch it.

I am NC with them now, DH sees them sporadically but still seems to be trapped in that 'naughty little boy' persona whenever they decide to click their fingers for him.

They really are the embodiment of the person I imagine the OP was thinking of when she started this thread.

Springtulip - when I read your OP, the tone of it seemed overwhelmingly negative to me. That's why I got the impression that you were saying something very negative - ie. that crap mums get good gifts, good mums usually don't - implying that those of us who got nice gifts must be crap mums with children who are having to try to buy our affection.

This is the problem with the written word - you knew exactly what you were trying to say, so when you read your OP back, of course you understand it the way you intended it, but I have only got your words, and not the thoughts that informed them - and that can lead to misunderstanding - which is what happened here, I think.

That's often the case SDT I understand that, it's why when I read threads I often go over them a few times before I reply. But there are definitely some who choose to deliberately misinterpret so they can argue. But I did post on AIBU so Im not expecting all to agree.

Agree that there a lot of crap mothers who get a lot of gifts, equally a lot of crap mothers who get nothing. That is now what your OP suggested. In a similar fashion lots of good mothers get lots of gifts and lots of good mothers get Nowt.

Yanbu I always get my mum something, she was a crap mum but I'd have hell to pay if I didn't let her know how great she is.

I've been spoilt today but I am not a crap mother and I do think I get what you are meaning from your post.

DS1 (20) phoned me this morning, he's in the army and couldn't get home. He said "I know it's Mother's Day today and I'm sorry I didn't get you a card but I've been living in a hole all week. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you and your support, I love you, you're the best. Happy Mothers Day".

I couldn't have done that when I was 20, my mum would have flipped. She had to have the card and the flowers.

DS2 got me a card and he sorted presents on behalf of him and DS1 but he didn't need too, I told him not to. They do an incredible amount for me (I'm disabled) as it is. I'm lucky to have them.

our boys sound wonderful. I have two little boys and I hope they turn out as well as yours.

I don't think the OP was saying "if you were spoiled today, you're a crap mum." Her point was "how come a fair number of crap mums get so spoiled?"
There's a difference.

Sorry! That was for you Thefairycaravan x

Fairycaravan how lovely, why would you need a big fuss and presents when you get such a lovely phone call.

I totally know what you mean OP, in some families it's all just for show.
Facebook posts about it for example are extremely revealing.

I understand where you're coming from op, a lot of it is 'just for show' & not genuine at all.

Hmmm I was happy with Mothers Day, very happy. I provide childcare twice a week (have done for 8 years) and babysit etc when asked.
On Saturday dd took me out for lunch and shopping for my birthday present for next week.
On Sunday she came over with her boys while her dh took his mum out. They brought me flowers and a card, dh cooked lunch and we had a lovely afternoon. That morning she had a lie in and breakfast in bed, flowers, cards and cuddles then her dh took the boys swimming.
Nothing extreme but everyone was happy. My ds (who lives abroad) phoned in the evening.
I think I am neither crap mum nor super mum, just average does her best mum. I love and feel loved.

I was spoilt and get a gift every year. I don't expect it and have never asked for it. I've worked every year on md and tbh coming home to cuddles off my 3yo is more important than a rip off bunch of flowers. I'd like to think I was a good mum. What's really wound me up is the ungrateful threads but I won't go there again!

I agree too. My dm is fab. I ordered here a present but it isn't being delivered until the 20th. She said, lovely that will be something to look forward to. I think not such a "good" mother might get the huff about that.

Completely agree

My parents were pretty good but Mother's (and Father's) Day just isn't a thing we really do.

Card +/- flowers. Visit if it is handy (i.e. I wouldn't travel 400 miles to be there but if I was in the same city I would pop round).

We show regularly that we love and care for each other but not by actually stating it. We are british after all!

Perhaps it is unconscious over-compensating by the offspring of the 'crap mums' - "I don't really like my mum but I feel guilty so I'll spoil her on Mothers Day and NO-ONE WILL KNOW HOW I REALLY FEEL".

Maybe.

netty or maybe it's because she'll make their life hell if they don't? tht seems to be one common thing coming across in some of the posts.

My own mom (sadly long departed) always used to say "you shouldn't waste your money on me". I NEVER once thought of it as a waste and when she was alive I always went to see her on MDay