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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that it's often the crap mums who get spoiled on Mothers Day

95 replies

Springtulip · 15/03/2015 13:38

It's something I've noticed over the years. The mums who do everything for their kids, (I'm thinking more grown up kids) and their grandkids, the ones who are always there to lend a hand, babysit, just in general do what they can to make their kids lives easier, are often the ones who don't get made a fuss of on Mother's Day. Where as the ones who don't get involved and never lend a helping hand, never babysit (I've known loads who don't) and weren't even very good mums when their kids were little, get pampered, took out for meals, made a fuss of.
I'm not saying this is the case for everyone but I have noticed it quite a lot. Anyone else agree.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 15/03/2015 16:03

I know somebody who got very exprnsi've shoes and handbag those poor poor babies have a terrible mouther I got a card and wine op some people like stuff and things really. My mum worked fulltime when my dds were young children not all gp can or wanttto. help out like that doesn't make them shit parents

LarrytheCucumber · 15/03/2015 16:09

I once heard a Mother's Day talk by a former Prison Officer. She said that even though the women she worked with had (largely) broken their mothers' hearts they spent lots of money on big extravagant cards and presents telling their mothers how much they loved them. It gave her a distaste for Mothers' Day. So in that particular instance you might be right OP.

HubertCumberdale · 15/03/2015 16:10

I can see where you're coming from.
I have a great relationship with my mum, we are very close and she's the best mum ever. However, I don't do mother's day. Never have, we've just never felt the need. She finds it all a bit tacky.

My OH's mum on the other hand, who has had episodes of being truly awful, insists on having 'her day', she would disown OH if he didn't turn up with gifts and a card.

I know it's only one example, but I recognised some truth in your OP.

CalicoBlue · 15/03/2015 16:14

YANBU.

DH and I were talking about this the other day.

I don't give a shit about mothers day and only got stuff when they made them at primary school, now those days are gone.

I said that I had to send my DM something otherwise she will get upset, as she did one year when I forgot. Dh's mother is the same. Both were pretty awful, distant mothers, packed us off to boarding school at a young age and I did not even see mine in the holidays. Dh's ex also makes a big fuss about mothers day and expects to have their adopted DC with her, this is someone who is a drug addict, had supervised contact with the child for years and often goes AWOL for weeks at a time.

I think there is something in it. Probably that those that do not have secure relationships with their kids need it reinforced by cards etc. Not saying that it is not nice to be spoilt sometimes.

Original poster
Springtulip · 15/03/2015 16:16

As long as we're not talking "utter shite" though Ilovechristmas1 Grin

OP posts:
mushypeasontoast · 15/03/2015 16:29

I had a home made card, crumpets & apple juice in bed and then played a boardgame with my dc because "its mothers day, we have to spend all day with you" ShockHmmConfusedGrin
I must be a super awesome mum!

Original poster
Springtulip · 15/03/2015 16:32

Yes I think you're right Calicoblue, it's like the kids are somehow frightened of their mothers reaction if they don't make a fuss of her, they're a bit insecure of their mothers love for them and don't want to rock the boat and risk their mothers wrath? it's awful to see actually, adults who still crave a bit of attention off their mothers and think that by spoiling her will achieve it. I suppose a psychiatrist could explain it better but I think it does go quite deep. Obviously there's a lot more to it than just what happens on Mother's Day, but that is when to an outsider, it is quite apparent.

OP posts:
LarrytheCucumber · 15/03/2015 16:41

I recognise myself here. I would never dare forget to buy my mother a Mothering Sunday card (for it must say those words) in case I upset her. Meanwhile DC1 has yet to show up or ring, so he must feel very secure in my love Grin.

Mrsjayy · 15/03/2015 16:44

I was being a bit flippant I think On my pp maybe these kids have been brought up in a family where material possessions mean love and they don't know any other way lots of mothers get lavish gifts if doesn't mean they are all bad mums just different priority

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 15/03/2015 16:49

I send my Mum flowers because I love her...but I think our daily texts (she is a long distance away) are much more important.

My four kids are nearly grown up (17- 23) and I tell them not to spend money on me.. if they want to do a card that's fine, but only one is earning..the rest are poor students, and I know they love me, and that I love them.. no big show needed.

I am currently amusing myself with the facebook brags popping up.. competitive mothers' day pressie pictures :D
I'd rather be doing what i am doing right this moment.. MNetting while soothing the hungover brow of DS1 (was his birthday yesterday and he doens't usually drink :D) than being wined and dined :)

Philoslothy · 15/03/2015 16:56

Is it competitive posting or just sharing? I have loved seeing what my friends have been given

Pandora452 · 15/03/2015 17:44

I have a crap mum and I resentfully get her a card (but no gift) as its not worth the drama if I don't, but I hate the fact I am obligated to..

Sallystyle · 15/03/2015 17:45

Bollocks, offensive bollocks at that.

prawnsmummy · 15/03/2015 18:03

Both me and my sister have been given reminders (from our own Mum) about Mother's Day since early February! Confused We both have our own children and have never forgotten to send her a card and present yet! It just wouldn't be worth it if we didn't send her nothing Hmm

Stillwishihadabs · 15/03/2015 18:06

My Dm is great, she is always there when I need her.Growing up we always took her out for a meal, now I send a card and flowers.

MuffinMcLay23 · 15/03/2015 18:12

I think mothers who are insecure and needy make a fuss about it. My DH and MIL aren't close but she would go batty if she didn't get spoiled. My mum on the other hand knows that her three children adore her and we are all v close so she couldn't give a stuff about Mother's Day. She knows how special she is to us all without Mother's Day.

pointythings · 15/03/2015 18:58

Interesting... This is the first year since having my DDs (12 and 14) that I have been thoroughly spoiled. And I think it's been driven by DH, who has realised that actually, I have supported him through some really major shit lately without getting a lot of appreciation. He's been more thoughtful lately, more considerate and more appreciative, and that is where I think it has come from. We don't normally make a big deal out of Mother's Day at all.

quietbatperson · 15/03/2015 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Springtulip · 15/03/2015 19:03

U2TheEdge
Well let's face it, some people will be offended about practically everything won't they.But please explain, how has it offended you?

OP posts:
Pippidoeswhatshewants · 15/03/2015 19:07

I don't agree with your reasoning 100%, OP, but I think the totally ott spoiling on Mother's Day occurs in the same families that go crazy with Christmas presents and, actually, all possible occasions.

Original poster
Springtulip · 15/03/2015 19:09

quietbatperson
Are you deliberately misconstruing what I've said or have you not read all the posts. Surely you noticed I was talking about grown up children. What on earth has little children making cards got to do with what I was saying.

OP posts:
quietbatperson · 15/03/2015 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Totality22 · 15/03/2015 19:22

My observation [over the years] is that those with the most fractious relationships with their Mum's make the most fuss. Like they are trying to make up for the fact they have a very distant relationship [for whatever reason]

toldmywrath · 15/03/2015 19:28

I agree with you OP, yanbu. It's something I've noticed as well!

Original poster
Springtulip · 15/03/2015 19:29

No quietperson that isn't the point Im making. I mentioned about them being not very good mums when their kids were little to make the point about how the kids feel about their mothers now they're adults. Im certainly not talking about the little cards and gifts and treats that little children do for their mums on Mother's Day. One of the points I was making was about some mums who were crap mothers but who get spoiled and indulged by their grown up children on occasions such as Mother's Day.

OP posts: