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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really want to host this child again?

83 replies

vladthedisorganised · 14/03/2015 11:11

I'm new to this playdate malarkey.

Brought one of DD's friends - or someone she's mentioned a few times anyway - home for a playdate after school yesterday.

DD and guest seemed to play together OK, but guest was Hard Work in the extreme. She moaned that we had to walk (2 minutes up the road) to the house instead of driving, was hardly in the door before yelling "I'm HUNGREEEEEE I'M HUNGREEE give me some FOOOOOOOD" then whinging that "You've got nothing NICE in your house" when I dared to make some toast to keep them going. She announced loudly that the meal I provided was "disgusting", mithered for sweets all the time and moaned all the way home that my car was 'not very nice' Hmm. Not a thank you, not a please, the whole time, and a fair amount of screaming.

Apparently she wants to come back next week - her mother is very keen to repeat the experience. AIBU to be less keen to host the little cherub? Hmm Even DD can usually manage a 'thank you'..

OP posts:
flanjabelle · 14/03/2015 11:13

Nope. And I would tell the mother why.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/03/2015 11:13

Just say no, she does not sound very nice at all!

FenellaFellorick · 14/03/2015 11:14

god no. And tell her mother why! The girl needs to be sat down and told about manners.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/03/2015 11:14

Did you correct the girl, when she was rude, I hope so, because it does not sound like her mum has taught her any manners.

DidoTheDodo · 14/03/2015 11:14

Agree with flan
Bad mannered child.

MaudeLebowski · 14/03/2015 11:14

Of course you don't have to have her back.

ChipDip · 14/03/2015 11:14

She sounds like an absolute brat! Yanbu to not want her in your home. I would even tell her mother some truths about her precious darlings behaviour.

Mintyy · 14/03/2015 11:16

No, of course you don't need to have her round to yours again.

Say to the Mum "No, I'm sorry, your dd was hard work and actually quite rude to me!"

BubblesInMyBath · 14/03/2015 11:21

I think wading in straight with a no your daughter is a rude brat isn't the wisest idea

Curtailing it to a : "I would love to have her again but would you please have a word about her behaviour beforehand as I found it very wearing when she did x, y or z" might get a more apologetic response from the mother

I imagine she would leap into defence of her DD if you go straight on the attack - and this might play out miserably for your DD

TendonQueen · 14/03/2015 11:27
  1. Say brightly 'Oh, DD was hoping it was her turn to come to yours! Shall I drop her off the same day?' If parent is one who always wants to offload their child (I can see why) but not reciprocate, she'll make an excuse and your problem's solved.
  2. She's welcome to come but she
TendonQueen · 14/03/2015 11:28

..seemed not to be happy with our house rules last time. If she comes she must do as she's told and as DD does' then go to town on making her use good manners, not be rude etc.

Humansatnav · 14/03/2015 11:29

How old is she op ?

Purplepoodle · 14/03/2015 11:33

Surely dd should be going to her house next week?

FernGullysWoollyPully · 14/03/2015 11:40

I looked after my friends child yesterday for 'a couple of hour's' (more like 5) and he was exactly the same. Awful. He got short shrift from me I can tell you. When he left I literally 'phewed' with relief. Had no he was so rude an disrespectful, he always comes across as lovely but he's definitely spoilt and was trying it on with us. Don't think we'll have him again in a hurry.

Paintedpinksapphires · 14/03/2015 11:44

I would politely decline and tell the mother exactly why.

She needs to know why the child isn't getting any repeat invitations.

BathtimeFunkster · 14/03/2015 11:45

You don't even have to consider having her back until the visit has been reciprocated.

ILovePud · 14/03/2015 11:47

Gosh no YANBU, the child's mum is being very unreasonable for wanting to 'repeat the experience', she doesn't get to dictate whether her child gets invites and she should be reciprocating first. I guess this may go some way to explaining why the child is so rude though.

ragged · 14/03/2015 11:48

I recognise the child's consternation about having to walk somewhere.
Normally visiting kids won't eat anything we offer.
I would ask my kid if they wanted to host again. Their decision.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/03/2015 11:51

No, not a cat in hell's chance!

Why host a rude, obnoxious child when she was a pain in the arse on her first visit?

tomandizzymum · 14/03/2015 11:51

I bet the mother wants you to take her for a few hours. Probably can't handle the little brat.

BubblesInMyBath · 14/03/2015 11:53

I question whether a mum would really want other mothers to know theirs was a brat?

I'd be mortified if people thought my child was one and certainly not want to offload him for anyone else to realise it

LittleFluffyMoo · 14/03/2015 11:56

I would have her back (as long as the play dates are reciprocated) as long as the mother was absolutely clear that her DD had to abide by the rules of the house (and very clearly tell her DD what they are).

I'd also be very careful, I've found a lot of kids at the beginning of primary school are little horrors but actually turn out to be really nice later on. If I refused to have back every child who had behaved badly, my kids would have no friends. And you don't know how your DD is behaving elsewhere because other parents will largely not tell you, so don't assume she's being an angel elsewhere. Think how would you feel if a parent refused to have her back after she behaved badly on one visit?

Paintedpinksapphires · 14/03/2015 12:01

To be honest I think that it is fairly easy to tell how well behaved your children have been at someone else's house. Ask if they've been well behaved and see the response.

In my experience those with the least well behaved children rarely ask.

All children are expected to behave here and I put my foot down pretty sharpish if they don't. Anyone who doesn't follow the rules after being told doesn't get a repeat.

BonzoDooDah · 14/03/2015 12:02

That's not a nice visit. How old are the girls?
Juniors where they should know better or early Infants? if the latter it may have been her first visit away and been completely our of her depth so playing the Princess card she does at home to get attention. She is only a child and if she's been let to behave like this at home it's not really her fault (even if it is totally unacceptable behaviour).

It would have been good to talk to the mum on collection - saying - she didn't seem very happy with her visit.

If your DD really likes her then it may be worth the effort but if not I'd make excuses or explain in a a non judgmental way (to not get the back up of the mother so she's not immediately on the defensive and therefore might listen rather than jump to her defense) that she seemed not to like it as she was critical of everything.

VenusRising · 14/03/2015 12:03

Leave it, and begin to arrange your dd's social life with extreme prejudice - do you really want your DS picking up this little girls bad manners?

Sit down with your DD and make a list of other little girls to play with who she likes.Then go through your list week after week, and award stars as you go. Somewhere on that list there will be a lovely group and some nice mums.

Never explain to the other mum, that's not going to get anywhere really, is it.... except start a fight, and may have repercussions for your DD. That mum will have the truth dawn on her soon enough, with no need for the big reveal from you.

Just drop her and move on to the lovely friends.