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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP or DH?

98 replies

Juniper44 · 13/03/2015 22:52

Do you interpret threads differently if someone says DP rather than DH?

Do you assume the relationship's not as serious if they're not married?

OP posts:
ssd · 13/03/2015 22:53

yes

esiotrot2015 · 13/03/2015 22:55

No of course not
How odd

peutetre · 13/03/2015 22:56

yes

SpringBreaker · 13/03/2015 22:57

Depends if someone's dp lives with them, if not then it's just a girlfriend or boyfriend not a partner in my view.

merrywindow · 13/03/2015 22:58

Yes but only on here because some people write DP but it turns out to be their boyfriend of two months who they don't live with.

Pilgrimforever · 13/03/2015 22:59

No but then DP and I have just got married ( making him my DH now ) after having been together 20 years and having 5 children together.

MaudeLebowski · 13/03/2015 22:59

To be a DP, you need to effectively have a marriage without the piece of paper.

A DP and a DH, require similar advice and are both assumed to be serious relationships.

A boyfriend is a step less serious than that. The problem comes about when somebody calls a boyfriend their DP.

As thus, people treat DP with scepticism it often doesn't deserve.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 13/03/2015 23:00

No.

feministdog · 13/03/2015 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsFlannel · 13/03/2015 23:02

No. I don't judge others by their marital status and it constantly amazes me on here how many old fashioned people there are that do! People can live for years...all their lives together and not marry. Doesn't mean they're not in love or don't have a mutually beneficial relationship.

Original poster
Juniper44 · 13/03/2015 23:07

I've been with DP for nearly 7 years. We have a 17mo DD together and a mortgage.

I'm not married by my choice and never felt the need to explain it until I had DD. Suddenly everyone (including the post man!) wants me to explain my marital status.

I was asking because the advice seems to change, depending on the OP's use of DP or DH, but I don't know if I'm just being overly sensitive.

OP posts:
RattieofCatan · 13/03/2015 23:07

No, but I do differentiate like the people up thread have said wrt people they don't live with or have only been with a short time , advice given can be drastically different with those two factored in!

IvanOsokin · 13/03/2015 23:07

We were living together and raising our family for 25 years before we married so I'd never assume a less serious relationship if people are unmarried.

Marriage is not necessarily an indicator of greater commitment - I know people who met, married and divorced in far less time than it took us to decide to tie the knot!

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 13/03/2015 23:09

I do take the relationship less seriously, yes.

WaxOnWaxOff · 13/03/2015 23:11

yes and yes.

MrsFlannel · 13/03/2015 23:12

So far all of the yeses have not explained further. Hmm

YvesJutteau · 13/03/2015 23:16

No, but

(a) as others have said, there are many posters who refer to a boyfriend of a couple of months as "DP" so it's helpful to know that this is a long-term committed relationship rather than one of those.

(b) in some cases (not all) it does affect how financially precarious an OP's situation is and hence what practical options are open to her.

Tapwater · 13/03/2015 23:21

Of course not. My SO and I were together over twenty years before we got married, which was to sort out a legal issue, and didn't mean the relationship had fundamentally changed.

On the other hand, I had never, until I joined Mn, come across the phenomenon of the longterm cohabiting woman who desperately wants to marry an unwilling partner with whom she has had several children. If I'm to believe what I read on here, it's a common phenomenon, and a depressing one.

Casperthefriendlyspook · 13/03/2015 23:22

DP and I have now been together 12 years, living together for 11 of those, and 2 kids later. We're just not that fussed on marriage. Doesn't make our relationship any different. At lest 6 friends I can think of right now, have married and divorced in that time. See.... A ring and a certificate didn't make it any more lasting...

ShadowsCollideCantLogInToMN · 13/03/2015 23:23

Absolute not. DP and I have been together 14 years, living together for 6. Our relationship is definitely serious and committed. We would have children, where it not for my 5 mcs. As it happens, we are getting married next year, but our relationship will just continue to be as solid and stable after we tie the knot as it is currently. There won't be any magical transformation to special elevated super committed relationship status.

Yes, there are threads on here where a poster refers to their DO and it turns out that they've been dating for a month or two. I tend to just think that those posters are silly or overinvested, AD opposed to thinking that everyone who isn't married isn't in a serious relationship.

To those of you who think a couple in a long term relationship are less serious than a married couple, may I ask why? Not being confrontational, just interested?

echt · 13/03/2015 23:27

No, I don't interpret differently. Usually the backstory fills in on any relevant issues.

I do wonder about women who post about a DP who doesn't live with them, or is very new relationship.

VanitasVanitatum · 13/03/2015 23:30

I'm completely amazed at the number of yeses!! How utterly judgemental. Totally depends on the individual relationship in each case, not the legal status.

RandomNPC · 13/03/2015 23:34

Nope. Not at all.

Bakeoffcake · 13/03/2015 23:38

Yes as for some reason I think they've only been going out for a short time.

If they say "My DP of 5 years" then I do think they are in a serious relationship.

BackforGood · 13/03/2015 23:41

Yes, because of the number of people who put 'dp' when they are talking about a relatively new relationship. 99.9% of the time, if it's got to the stage of being 'dh' then it's going to be a long standing, considered relationship - which it may be with a 'dp' but more often than not, it isn't.