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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to think that this is poor husband form?

89 replies

TheBlondeOne78 · 13/03/2015 13:58

First post, please be gentle!

I'm PMSing so not sure whether I'm justified in being annoyed here or whether it's hormones.

My husband has started a new job, just over a mile uphill from where I work. He finishes today at 3pm, I finish at half past three.

I called to see if he was going to come pick me up. He says, no, you walk up to me. I explain that this doesn't work cos he'd either have to wait about for me to walk up which takes us to 4pm, or I would have to finish early at half two, which I can't do either today.

I also feel a bit precious that he'd rather I had a walk uphill to him, than nip down in the car but I've no problem doing that some of the time. He's next to a motorway at his work and I'm next to the new motorway which is quicker for us to get home down here.

I've ended up telling him to poke it and that I'll make my own way home. I think he's being really selfish, and I'm also a wee bit hurt at his lack of care and consideration. I thought being close by we'd try to share commute etc and I'd clearly walk up if it suited our finish times but him making such a fuss about not doing a 5 min car journey to collect me has really fucked me off.

I would be great to get home for 4pm together and be able to start the weekend with the kids but as it is, I'll not get home til about half five using public transport.

Thoughts? AIBU or is he? Or a bit of both?

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 13/03/2015 14:02

Obviously it makes better sense for him to drive to you if a) he finishes before you and b) he has the car. I have no idea what he's thinking! Has he explained his logic (or lack thereof)? I'd be Having Words if I were you. Confused

WorraLiberty · 13/03/2015 14:03

It's a mile, why do you need any transport?

MrsHathaway · 13/03/2015 14:05

Hormones apart, the logistics only make sense if he comes to you - by the time he's faffed about he'll not have long to wait. So for that HIB v U.

On the other hand, YW a bit U to tell him to "poke it". That's what's known as "cutting off your nose to spite your face".

A more mature response would have been "FINE. In that case you'd better be buying me wine, chocolate and Panadol in that spare hour you'll have."

Congratulations to him on the new job. They're hard to find nowadays.

coppertop · 13/03/2015 14:07

YANBU.

Next week, take the car to your place of work and leave him to walk the mile uphill to his.

QOD · 13/03/2015 14:07

He's an arse

Men are odd

Worra it's a mile between their workplaces

My dh rang me yesterday 7 minutes before school let out 9 miles away to tell me he couldn't pick dd up
That's fine except I've just had shoulder surgery and can't drive until mid May sob
(I did manage to get the 2nd person I rang to get her but hey ffs)

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 13/03/2015 14:07

Maybe he wants a bit of extra time to get a Mother's Day present or something and didn't want to let on?

As it's a new job, do you think he wants to stay on a bit and look keen?

It does sound a bit illogical so just trying to chuck some ideas out there Grin

Original poster
TheBlondeOne78 · 13/03/2015 14:07

It's a mile to his work, 15 miles to home.

If I walk up, he'd have to wait til 4pm for me when he finishes at 3pm. If he comes here to collect me, he'd get here just in time for me finishing and we can take the quick route motorway home and be in our civvies and out for a walk with the kids or wine in hand for 4pm :D

The logic defeats me.

OP posts:
MaxPepsi · 13/03/2015 14:08

He's being daft and probably hasn't fully thought it through.

I'd tell him to go home, sort the kids, house, start tea etc etc and that you'd see him much later when the bus gets you in.

And that you're looking forward to getting the chance to listen to your ipod/read your kindle book.

I bet he comes to pick you up!

Felyne · 13/03/2015 14:08

Worra I think it's a mile to where the car is parked which is then driven home. I'd be annoyed if I was you, can't see my DH refusing to leave his job at finishing time and drive to collect me at my finishing time, it just makes sense!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/03/2015 14:08

YANBU to be a bit ticked off - his solution makes no sense! Just ridiculous all round, really.

But I agree that it was a bit daft to tell him to stick it - you should have just badgered him until he agreed to come to yours, beaten him with logic on all points until he gave in!

MrsHathaway · 13/03/2015 14:09

I'd tell him to go home, sort the kids, house, start tea etc etc and that you'd see him much later when the bus gets you in.

And that you're looking forward to getting the chance to listen to your ipod/read your kindle book.

I bet he comes to pick you up!

Grin That's perfect!

Sausagerollers · 13/03/2015 14:09

Just tell him it's great he's getting in so much earlier than you as he can put the dinner on, push the Hoover round and put some washing on, and he'll also probably have time to give the bathroom a wipe round before you get in.

You're looking forward to seeing him and the sparkly clean house at tea time when you get in.

londonrach · 13/03/2015 14:10

The one who finishes first goes to the one who finishes later.

Holepunch · 13/03/2015 14:12

If he is planning to leave on the dot of 3pm and will therefore be home c. 3:30 I would be really upset that he CBA to drive down and meet you to give you a lift. The only sensible reason I can see for his plan is if he wants to stay late at work and isn't intending to leave until 4pm, in which case it makes sense for you to walk up to him. Or maybe he has somewhere else to be/something else to do during that hour?

Do you drive? If not, learn and share the car so he has to use public transport sometimes too.

YANBU

lovetheautumn · 13/03/2015 14:13

Well he sounds like an absolute idiot lol! I don't understand his logic?! You have to ask him, it would drive me barmy!! What is he going to do for the half hour that he finishes before you, as well as the time it will take you to walk?
How hard is it for him to drive a mile, when he's got half an hour to do it?! Especially as it places you in an easier place to get home, and it's obviously quicker as he can be there once you finish, so you'd all get home quicker. Madness! He IDBU!

AnyFucker · 13/03/2015 14:14

I wouldn't have asked him, I would have simply told him

Are you always so timid ?

Original poster
TheBlondeOne78 · 13/03/2015 14:15

I paraphrased, I actually said "you're not making sense, come pick me up so we can be home sooner", he dug his heels in re walking up and I said 'ok, can't be doing arguing about this, I'm pretty busy, I'll get the bus, see you tonight"

Then I started moaning on mumsnet and not getting my work done anyway :P

MaxPepsi, that's exactly what I'm going to do. I have the new Glamour and my ipod and my bus stop is next to a lovely little pub that I might have a glass of wine in before I "rush" home.

Stupid buggar. It's the family bloody car, I'd see the point if it was just his!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/03/2015 14:17

What an immature twat of a bloke - why on earth would he insist on his utterly illogical way of doing it?!

Next time, you take the car and he can bloody well walk down the hill to you!

MaxPepsi · 13/03/2015 14:19

Oh yes, good call re the pub I'd be having the bottle however!

VenusRising · 13/03/2015 14:23

How can he be expected to have an OW if he's at your beck and call OP?! Wink Wink I hope.

Seriously, maybe you need to draw some diagrams with clocks for him.
Does he normally grasp distance and time puzzles?

I like that idea of a few hours on my iPod and reading with him making dinner. Yes, that's the option I'd put on the table in the negotiations.

I don't think YABU to say poke it, in fact I think you were rather restrained.

Original poster
TheBlondeOne78 · 13/03/2015 14:23

Timid is not a word that many would use to describe me. :D I am feeling a bit wobbly today though with hormones and I'm reducing my citalopram dose so was second guessing myself whether this was actually dicky (my first reaction) or whether PMS and pills were skewing my thinking a bit.

I actually called in the first instance was actually to find out what time he was due to finish as I wasn't sure.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 13/03/2015 14:28

He's being very selfish. I would stay in that pub for quite a while and have some dinner there, too. We can recommend books for you if you have nothing to read!

ImperialBlether · 13/03/2015 14:59

I've just re-read your opening post. What on earth is his reasoning behind this? If you walk up to him, he can't leave work until about 4.30. It doesn't make any sense at all.

I hope you take the car next time and remember his request for you to walk.

Holepunch · 13/03/2015 15:03

I know Venus was joking but I'm afraid that thought did occur to me. Does he have something very important (to him) to do with that hour?

ChipDip · 13/03/2015 15:05

He wouldn't spare 5 mins to make your life easier? What a selfish man, poor you.