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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For those that had a difficult/miserable childhood/teen years

121 replies

hopingforamiracle · 13/03/2015 08:18

How did you get over it?

OP posts:
KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 13/03/2015 08:20

I haven't.

mytartanscarf · 13/03/2015 08:26

The following:

Accepting my past has made me a kind, lovely, funny person with the strength and humour to deal with anything Grin

Not grieving the life I should have had but appreciating the one I do: the 'going to holland' analogy resonated with me although I know it isn't about that.

Genuinely revelling in being a bit different; I don't go out of my way to be odd but for example when I am asked about my life I just say I am a free spirit!

Surrounding myself with people who are also a bit different so I don't feel like the odd one amongst mrs jones aged 32 with 2 kids and a husband (not that there's anything wrong in that!)

Books, history and music!

Not keeping still for long.

Education, if applicable, I am doing an MA and it gives me a focus and a determination.

:)

Dawndonnaagain · 13/03/2015 08:27

Nor me, and I'm 56. In the main, I'm okay day to day, and I think I have brought my four up to be happy and balanced. Certainly those that have left home come back on a regular basis and keep in touch.
It gets to me sometimes, but not as much as it used to.

WeirdCatLady · 13/03/2015 08:28

Alcohol. Lots of alcohol.

And therapy.

And cake.

Quitelikely · 13/03/2015 08:29

By being determined that nothing or no one is going to define me in a negative light.

Don't act like a failure and blame your past. Start taking responsibility for yourself from here on in.

Look forward not back.

Wailywailywaily · 13/03/2015 08:29

I have forgotten most of it. Sometimes this worries me but I am a happy adult so have no need to remember my childhood.

mytartanscarf · 13/03/2015 08:31

Just to add I don't think you get over it - but once you accept, I think, that you aren't going to be quite as you were had XYZ not happened you come from a stronger position, if you like.

Lots of Cake and Flowers ladies. And miracle I think we may have gone through similar experiences. X

getdownshep · 13/03/2015 08:33

Mine creeps up on me at Christmas and birthdays as these were horrible when I was a child.
But I haven't repeated the mistakes with my own dds, they had the childhood I wanted and dh has been the dad to them I never had so that helps me.
I have tried to forgive but its not easy, I don't trust easily or let people into my life which makes me lonely.

Mrsstevejones · 13/03/2015 08:36

Draw a line and dont let my past define my future. I am the master of my own destiny and what has been, has been.

My view of my childhood and my parents is totally at odds but then thats not surprising as they never intentionally set out to damage me.

My dad still struggles now (with his childhood) in his late 50s and i dont want that. I focus on the NOW and the things i can affect.

Sorry and big hugs - its shit isnt it?

Fuckup · 13/03/2015 08:38

Nope. but then mine was miserable (I think) because I was developing the same issues I have now in terms of mental health. I can certainly deal with it better, and am more self aware, but it would be impossible to get over it completely.

madasa · 13/03/2015 08:38

Counselling

Bringing my daughter up in a totally different way to be a confident person who knows that she is loved unconditionally

My work

Having a partner who totally gets where I'm coming from when I still on occasion can't handle it

Are you ok Hoping?

loveliesbleeding1 · 13/03/2015 08:39

I try to be positive, and find positive, happy people to be around.I am also the mother hen in my circle, and I adore my dc, and would love many more, replacing the coldness with love and light.Flowers for us all, in the same situation.

HellKitty · 13/03/2015 08:39

Taking responsibility for myself and not blaming others for my feelings. Not living in the past. Being successful at what I want to do and not a failure at what others wanted for me (for them). Not living with bitterness - gives you wrinkles! Refusing to hate as that means you give a fuck about them, nothing is worse than indifference. Resentment is like drinking the poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.

3littlefrogs · 13/03/2015 08:40

You don't really ever get over it.
IME you do become more aware of why you find certain things/people/situations difficult/triggering. so you learn what/who to avoid.

I do think you have to make concious choices about what you want to achieve and accept the things that you will always need to avoid.
Trying always to look forward and focus on what you do have helps.
For me, the biggest thing has been a determination to give my DC a better experience.

I sometimes catch myself day dreaming about what my life could have been had my childhood been better, but I have to give myself a shake and focus on the here and now.

It took me a very, very long time to build up confidence and self belief - years. I do find that sad, but, generally speaking I feel that I have made a reasonable job of things.
I still get occasional nightmares and flashbacks, but it is all manageable.

3littlefrogs · 13/03/2015 08:42

I cross posted with everyone, but it is interesting to see the same thoughts and themes expressed in most of the pp.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 13/03/2015 08:47

Haven't.

Bullying should be dealt with the same seriousness we are finally waking up to regarding child abuse. Because it IS child abuse, even if perpetrated by other children. It can affect children just the same, for just as long.

My school didn't give a shit, my parents weren't effectual enough and I lacked a lot of confidence (probably due to a lot of home issues as well).

FernGullysWoollyPully · 13/03/2015 09:08

I still haven't.

rambunctious · 13/03/2015 09:11

medication.

And loving myself and realising that if I hadn't experienced the things that I did, then I wouldn't be the person that I am today.

Annahmolly · 13/03/2015 09:14

My sister and I talk about our childhood a lot and that helps. It also helps that my parents have divorced and have both changed a lot for the better since we were children. Most of the problems in our childhood related to them always arguing and being unhappy.

Bakeoffcake · 13/03/2015 09:18

Realising that it is the here and now which is important, not what happened years ago.

My DH and my 2 lovely DDs are my family now and I don't need to worry about my mum and how she treated me.
It's taken me until I'm 49 to come to this and my mother died 8 years ago. I feel such relief that I now don't give a shit about her and what she did.

Bakeoffcake · 13/03/2015 09:19

I should add that I have had counselling, medication and the wisdom and support of my DH to get to this point.

madasa · 13/03/2015 09:32

Also...when my mother died (very early age 63) the pure relief that no matter what..she couldn't get at me any more. Couple though with the sadness that she never would now change and I never would have the mother I yearned for.

Bakeoffcake · 13/03/2015 09:35

Masala, my mother died very young too. She was just 60 and I had exactly the same feelings as you.

Instituteofstudies · 13/03/2015 09:40

I would like to but I can't because every day is a reminder of my parents' uselessness. They neglected my health so badly that i have a chronic condition that affects my ability to live the life i want and would have had, had they let me have the surgery i needed.

It's very hard to get over it when my ability to function normally has been so badly affected. I do resent it a lot still (am 54) and as a parent, have no bloody idea how, as a parent, you could put a child through what mine put me through,

Athyrium · 13/03/2015 09:42

Counselling, alcohol, therapy, medication. But it still sometimes catches me out and I have to work through stuff again. Perhaps because my own DCs are now the at age when for me life was horrible.