To be fed up with all the Mother's Day angst on here

[ConstanceMoan]

It's the same every flipping year!

Angst because DH/DP wants to see his mum that day. Cue lots of angry responses about how the OP is now the "matriarch" and MIL can just fuck off

Angst because nothing special has been planned for the OP.

I hate to break it to you but it's just another Sunday, we have dozens of them every year. If you need one particular day for your DH and DC to show you how much they love you then something is wrong in your home.

YANBU.

I genuinely don't get it.

If your children decide themselves to make you a card, or buy you a present, or try and bring you breakfast in bed or something, that's lovely.

If your DH decides himself that it would be nice to buy you a treat or give you a rare lay in, that's lovely.

If you're on good terms with your mum or MIL, equally, buy them a card and a present because people like presents.

If it's a good excuse to organise a nice big family lunch, do that and have fun.

But expecting it? Sulking because someone didn't get you enough or do the right thing?

I've never understood why so many grown adults get so caught up on what is essentially a commercialised day and expect a certain level or gift or treat. Same with Valentine's Day too.

But then on the flipside, I do imagine a lot of women who get so caught up on the idea of getting a lay in, dinner cooked for them, a present etc possibly have problems within their relationship anyway because lay ins, dinner cooked never happens for them at all...

OP YANBU.

There was a thread the other day where someone was moaning that their DH wanted to cook for his mum, she got quite a bit of support and I couldn't believe what I was reading.

I can understand a mother feeling a bit hurt if the day goes unacknowledged. No card or flowers from grown up children, small present or something home made from younger children, or token gesture from a DH on behalf of a baby or toddler.
But getting stroppy or precious because you're required to share the occasion with your MIL, or your DH doesn't make some big romantic gesture to mark the day is ridiculous.

I can't wait to see some posters in 15 years time when they wave their son off out of their house and happily accept that their mothering has finished, they shouldn't expect a phone call or a card or a present at any stage, that their opinions are now worthless, and their son has dumped them 100% for his new wife/partner.

Me too Thurlow. I cannot stand the advice some posters give on here, not only about Mother's Day, but anything where MIL might possibly get involved.
It's your turn now. It's your family. It's your baby.

I think those posters are the ones who in turn become the horrendous MILS.
It a self perpetuating cycle of but what about meeeeeee

YADNBU. Just so much angst! I genuinely didn't realise it was this much of 'a thing' until I joined mumsnet. I didn't realise people made plans weeks or months in advance to drive and see their mothers/IL's for lunch. My IL's are abroad, my DM is 130 miles away. I saw her last weekend and will be seeing her on Tuesday at a funeral so no, I will not be driving up on Mother's Day. I treat her to lunch, get her little gifts etc throughout the year. I'll send a card and a small present.
I completely understand that it's nice to be appreciated and to have a lie in/breakfast in bed cooked by excited little ones etc but anything more than that seems a little ridiculous to me.

Me too, Pag...

For me mothers day is just a nice family sunday, the DC's will bring me something inedible in bed, we will go to Mass and have a coffee afterwards. Go for a walk, pop over to MIL with flowers and then have early dinner out with DM, DH and DC's. DM would prefer if the DC's weren't invited as she would prefer she and I go out and drink lots of wine but with work the next day I am bringing DC's as armour!

I don't understand why the mums can't all celebrate together, we're going out to lunch with me and my DH and DC and my mum and her husband and my brother, nephew and his late wife's mother, it's not a competition more the merrier, families should try to get on

I didn't even realise there was any angst regarding it.

People are worried about me because I'm a mother without a child but it's just another day, to me.

I have just heard a woman in work giving out stink to her husband on the phone because he hasn't booked a restaurant for Sunday lunch. She is now going around muttering that there had better be a very large bunch of flowers delivered to her house this week.
She has no children but is due one this Summer!

If I don't find the Hotel Chocolat Spring Selection on my pillow in two days time, there will be some angst right here.

Haven't done it since DS was in primary & used to make a card at school. I think it's vastly over hyped & over commercialised .

I hope this doesn't sound smug but I am delighted that DS is very happily married to my lovely DIL & that they are expecting their PFB soon.

I am so happy that he has found love & is starting a family and happy to take a back seat & it makes me pleased that he has that love for his future years. Isn't that what everyone wants for their children?

Argh just see my first photo of the year on Facebook of homemade Mother's Day cards someone's DC have made for them!

Magimedi - you don't sound smug but I want my daughter to expand our family of 3 (DH, DD and me) to include her future DH and DC (if she chooses to have them). I hate all the "we've got our own little family now" that's spouted on MN. Oh and she can include her MIL and family too

YANBU. It's just a marketing ploy to get people to buy flowers, cards chocolates, meals out etc etc. I don't know why anyone would get worked up about it.

YANBU! My lads will be with their dad on Sundays, because it's his normal weekend to have them. I quite frankly couldn't give a toss, and they don't mind because they know I don't. It's just one day, and as I say to them, every day is Mother's Day for me, because I get to have them live with me!

My dh did that for valentines day mrsd. He couldn't even get me a card.

Someone on another thread called Mother's Day Emotional Blackmail Day

I have no agnst about it. Its very, very, very low key in my family.

DS1 is 17 now, when he was 3 he ran into the room with his card, tripped and put his top teeth through his bottom lip. On Mothers Day. So I spent the day in A&E, I've never been bothered by Mother's Day since

*Mother's Day angst, birthday angst, Christmas angst - all just accumulated resentment and the festering fractures in a relationship being pushed clearly into the light.

It's always a sad reflection upon how poor some people's relationships are, combined with their utter inability to communicate.*

completely agree with this from Pagwatch.

On my first mother's day, all I got was a card chosen by by dh supposedly from my 6 month old that said "you've been like a mother to me". dh hadn't even opened it before he bought it. I thought it was funny, slagged the hell out of him for it (and kept it and nearly 18 years later still have it) but didnt get upset because dh is a nice guy, would do anything for me that mattered, was doing his best and we always both pulled in the same direction.

Sometimes relationships are fine except the husband is crap about occasions and the wife hates that. In that case I can understand being bummed about mother's day or valentine's day. But in most cases of mothers/valentines/christmas angst, it is like pagwatch said- light being shone on fracturing relationships.

YANBU in big flashing lights OP.

TBH I fucking hate how everything is commercialised to within an inch of it 's life, I don't remember this happening when I was a child in the 70's.

Christmas starts in August and lasts for four months.
Valentine's day starts the second Christmas is over.
Easter and Mother's Day start sometime in January.
Father's day has already been mentioned on one shopping channel, it's f**king March not June!!
Who knows after Father's DAy we might get a few weeks respite until Christmas August is here again.

FFS I want to go and live on a desert island in my old age!!!aaaaGGGhhh!!!!!