To be fed up with all the Mother's Day angst on here

[ConstanceMoan]

It's the same every flipping year!

Angst because DH/DP wants to see his mum that day. Cue lots of angry responses about how the OP is now the "matriarch" and MIL can just fuck off

Angst because nothing special has been planned for the OP.

I hate to break it to you but it's just another Sunday, we have dozens of them every year. If you need one particular day for your DH and DC to show you how much they love you then something is wrong in your home.

Both DH and I look forward to our Father's/Mother's day - guaranteed sleep in!! I'm doing an air punch with the other hand as I type.

Well it's fuck all fun for the single mums whose kids are too young to do anything.

Making your own cup of tea in bed doesn't really cut it

Oh YANBU and it happens every year on here. Particularly the complaining about MILs and the suggestion (I have seen it on here numerous times) 'she's had her time being a Mother, she needs to know that you OP and your DC are his family now'.

As if you suddenly stop having parents once you're a parent yourself!.

I'm sure all those posters will graciously stop thinking their children are their own family once they have families of their own. Yeah...right.

what I find odd is that you say its nothing special BUT at the same time,

The same time you are saying its special for MILS?

I would agree with you if you had said - why are mils demanding x, and why are wives demanding X but your not. Total contradiction.

Glad nearly everyone agrees with me

Not really contradicting myself, AlPacino. The point I'm making is about the annual angst we have every year on MN about Mother's Day and I was giving a couple of examples - there are many more

I actually suggested my DH should go see his mum. She has been ill, so he should see her. His dbro and sil could then enjoy mother's day for themseves. mum's place is small, there is no point ds and I going down and being miserable, he and I can stay here and do whatever.

I agree too. Given that the majority of mothers on these boards chose to become so, there's a depressing amount of passive aggressive 'well, I get no recognition the other 364 days, why should Sunday be any different?' Sniffle, moan.

Honestly, if your self-esteem is so fragile that it hinges on a shop-bought card and some panic-bought cellophaned monstrosity, take a good look at your life.

It's the little things that happen every day, not once a year, that matter.

OP, YADNBU.

Its at times like this I am very glad that we live hundreds of miles away from my mother and dh's mother! We have bought cards, I bought my mum some nice fancy soap and some notelets and will post them to her tomorrow. Dh bought his mum the Les Miserables dvd (he has no idea if she has it or has seen it or not ) and he will post it tomorrow.

On sunday dh and dd will make breakfast and bring it up to me with a lovely fresh coffee. If the weather is nice we will take the dogs for a long forest walk and we will get a chinese takeaway for dinner that evening (my choice - dh offered lunch out) and dh and I will have a glass of wine. It is not a big deal for us but the occassion does get marked, especially as we only have one dd and these years with her young are very precious to us both.

Applauds Silverbangles

I don't think I need to take a good look at my life. My life is fine.

But Mother's Day is a reminder that lots of mothers will be getting a bit spoiled, and thanked for all that they do.

And I do even more than them, because I'm in my own, but there will be no thanks and no treats, same as the rest of the year, because a two year old doesn't thank you, or make a card, or a cup of tea in bed....

Meh. That's life.

I hate to break it to you but it's just another Sunday, we have dozens of them every year. If you need one particular day for your DH and DC to show you how much they love you then something is wrong in your home.

And it annoys you that people who have had the cracks in their family relationship highlighted by this are upset to realise that they don't even get to be considered on the one day of the year set aside for them?

If people on here feel that marginalised and sad about the fact that their families don't seem to appreciate them, then I think a bit of sympathy and advice on how to change things is probably a more appropriate response than complaining that you are 'forced' to read the threads where they express their disappointment.

Amen, silverbangles! We normally shell out £50 to have some mediocre flowers delivered to MIL because she would be woe-is-me-ing (new verb for you!) all over Gransnet if we didn't.

If DH and DD spent £50 on flowers for me, I'd be furious at the waste of money.

Try being a mum to a toddler and a dead baby.

That puts the moaning into perspective a bit.

[not bitter at all]

Yanbu. It's strange.

You wouldn't see thread after thread on Dadsnet bemoaning their lack of a croissant in bed that morning and complaining because their wife didn't get them a card from their 6-month-old.

I appreciate my MIL from a distance. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have my lovely DH, would I? He's her youngest out of 3 and now I have a lovely wee dude as my third dc I can kind of understand more of where she comes from sometimes. I get a lie in and pressies and then I generously punt DH and the kids off to "see Granny" and go back to sleep.

I don't buy my own mum anything special for Mothers Day. She always said never to give her something because it was expected/convention - she'd rather do without. I buy her flowers most pay days and a book she'd like when I see it, or whatever.

Yep YANBU, I'd be very happy for Mother's Day, and Father's Day, to be scrapped.

I'm not really into getting pink slippers and mugs saying "best mum in the world" and other such tat and my own mum is dead, mil is in another country where the date of Mother's Day is different so she'd just be confused.

So, not bothered.

It's not about the day itself though, is it? It's about how it highlights the existing fault lines in the relationship. Like most Xmas threads.

My MIL was expecting DH to go to her house on Mother's Day to spend it with her. I can't go as I'm 38w pg and she lives in the middle of nowhere. She kicked off royally when he said no - it's only the second time he's said no to her in the 8 years we've been together! But it's not about Mothers Day. It's about her thinking his primary and indeed only loyalty should be to her.

It's always a sad reflection upon how poor some people's relationships are, combined with their utter inability to communicate

Luckily the two main threads on here with two very reasonable ops complaining about the arrangements were both resolved with compromise and communication.

It's about how it highlights the existing fault lines in the relationship

Oh yes, I think I misunderstood the other comment as being problems within the couples relationship but yes, between Mother and son.

yanbu. people moaning dh/dp haven't got them anything or heaven forbid spend it with their mother make me slightly sick. your partner or husband is not your child! one day your dcs can do it for you.

It's always a sad reflection upon how poor some people's relationships are, combined with their utter inability to communicate

This

Actually AlPacino I think you misunderstood my comments as relating to any existing threads on here at all.

I haven't read any today.
My point was that an issue about a day which is supposed to be joyful but isn't,is usually because a relationship is struggling.

If there are specific threads I tend to comment on them, not TAATs