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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fed up with all the Mother's Day angst on here

103 replies

ConstanceMoan · 11/03/2015 17:59

It's the same every flipping year!

Angst because DH/DP wants to see his mum that day. Cue lots of angry responses about how the OP is now the "matriarch" and MIL can just fuck off

Angst because nothing special has been planned for the OP.

I hate to break it to you but it's just another Sunday, we have dozens of them every year. If you need one particular day for your DH and DC to show you how much they love you then something is wrong in your home.

OP posts:
Charlotte3333 · 11/03/2015 21:27

My 9 year old appeared in my bedroom at 6.45 this morning entirely naked, (with Eye of the Tiger playing loudly from his bedroom) and did me a little interpretive-boxing-dance thing for three minutes and announced " That's your early mothers day gift, because we're spending actual mothers day at rugby training freezing to death".

That right there is mothers day for me. The fact that I get to wake up to that kind of madness is the reward I want. But with pants on, next time. All the cards and gifts mean bugger all. Crazy, happy kids are it.

didireallysaythat · 11/03/2015 21:30

I don't get mother's day at all. I thought you were excused from it once you reach 12.

Charlotte3333 · 11/03/2015 21:31

Also, we spend most Mothers Days with both Mums because we don't all get together very often and it's lovely to do it once in a while. Nobody moans and whines about being the centre of attention, the gifts are never costly show-offy things and nobody leaves feeling anything but happy that we were able to have a lovely family day.

The only fly in the ointment is SIL who is a tit and never organises anything but then bitches and moans that nobody makes a fuss of her. But life is too short to expect parades and tiaras because you chose to reproduce.

VikingLady · 11/03/2015 21:31

"But with pants on next time" Grin

Viviennemary · 11/03/2015 21:33

I agree. It is a bit pathetic. Same with the birthday ones. If you want to be taken out for a meal on Mother's day then say so. Don't sit around moping and then cry because nobody bothers.

HootyMcTooty · 11/03/2015 21:38

I think a pp was right, it's because it highlights the flaws in family relationships, it's not about Mothers' Day per se, but resentments about how families treat each other generally.

I think I have the dubious honour of starting the first Mothers' Day thread this year. Mine was a bit different as i was perfectly happy to spend it with my own DM (DMIL is no longer with us), but she wanted me to leave DH at home. It wasn't exactly the Mothers' Day bit that bothered me, I don't expect any special treatment other than a card, but the fact that my DH was being excluded from a "family event" for no good reason (she wasn't paying).

If someone isn't treated well generally, this is often highlighted on days when they might otherwise expect to be appreciated.

On that basis, YABU.

silverbangles66 · 11/03/2015 21:44

But life is too short to expect parades and tiaras because you chose to reproduce

Ain't that the truth?

God bless your pantless loon, Charlotte

Clemfandangogogo · 11/03/2015 21:48

OP YANBU!!!

ghostyslovesheep · 11/03/2015 22:09

I only feel for people who have no mum - it must be a shit day if you are recently bereaved

everything else makes me get a headache from the enormity of my eye rolls

serin · 11/03/2015 22:16

YANBU

I hate Mothers day, ever since a little girl at the brownie group I was leading burst into tears whilst making a card.

She didn't have a mum and I didn't know.

Sad
Bearfrills · 11/03/2015 22:34

serin :(

5yo DS has already told me I'm getting a cup of tea, a bunch of flowers, and a bacon sandwich. DH has told me that there will be no flowers (he rarely gives me flowers) but there might be a book or two (he gives me words instead). 3yo DD has told me she's made me a card at nursery then had a tantrum when I said I was looking forward to seeing it. Why? It's not for me, it's her card because she made it. Just like last year when she sent herself twelve fathers day card. 1yo DS2 couldn't give two shits what day it is so long as we're all there to revolve around him :o

Bunbaker · 11/03/2015 22:40

It seems to ave gone out of control.

It is Mothering Sunday, not Wife Sunday. A dutiful son should be thinking of his mother.

OH always forgets so it is up to me to remember for him. OH is several thousand miles away at the moment and MIL is 150 miles away, so I will have to remember to get a card and send it on his behalf.

Bearfrills · 11/03/2015 22:48

DH is NC with his DM. I know for a fact we will have step-FIL (her ex) trying to guilt DH into contacting her or allowing her to see the DC. I know it so well that I can actually hear his voice in my head saying "son, it's mothers day...." to which he always replies 'she's no mother to me'

GingerCuddleMonster · 11/03/2015 23:02

it's mothers day this weekend?! Blush shit, I thought it was next weekend. FUCK

revealall · 11/03/2015 23:05

Yeah Charlie3333 I would like that. Who wouldn't like a wild free thinking boy that remembers Mother's Day 5 days early.

I am a fairly rubbish mother however.
Mine will be at a sleepover Saturday - so celebrating his best friends mum at breakfast. He has made me a card at school and has a present someone else has taken him to buy.
Neither of us will care by Monday.

Charlotte3333 · 11/03/2015 23:10

I love the hand-made stuff they bring home from school for Mothers Day. That's the stuff I keep in their boxes of tat up in the loft, but the shop-bought cards to encourage partners and husbands, it's just a bit bleh. I saw one in our garden centre saying "to my Mum from the Dog". Frankly my dog couldn't give two hoots about me, all she loves are treats and the children. Why go to those extremes?

MrsPeabody · 12/03/2015 07:43

Pagwatch, you put what I was trying to say much more succinctly.

It's like the whole 'he won't remember' thing. Why do people set these tests? Why not discuss important dates and expectations in advance?

TheWordFactory · 12/03/2015 07:46

It's all absurd.

Mother's Day is not a competition or a test.

Nobody is a better/worse mother because they did or didnt receive a voucher for a spa day!

desertmum · 12/03/2015 07:47

just sent the dog to the garden centre for a card . . .

MrsDeVere · 12/03/2015 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

adventuretime11 · 12/03/2015 08:18

Mothers Day stopped meaning anything the year my mum died a week before. Just wanted all the treat your mother for mothers day ads to do one. Dh actually made an effort that year but I would rather not have to spend mothers day with my dc visiting my mums grave.

Bonsoir · 12/03/2015 10:30

If my mother cared about Mother's Day I would go all out to do whatever was needed to make it special for her. She doesn't care so I don't.

DP's mother used to care a bit about Mother's Day (so he did what was necessary to make her feel cherished). She particularly cared about Christmas/her birthday (which fell within a fortnight of one another) and particularly liked to receive an ostentatious handbag that she could tell all her friends her son had bought her. It made DP happy to make her wishes come true!

Bearfrills · 12/03/2015 10:40

If you have an abusive mother being surrounded by cards saying 'Best Mum in the WORLD!' and exhortations to cherish your mum because she has always cherished you, must be awful.

This.

MIL wasn't physically abusive (well, once, when she threatened the then teenage DH with a knife) but she was neglectful. DH had to look after his sisters while she docked about doing fuck knows what, he did all the cooking, got them ready for school and was on beck amd call whenever anyone wanted a cuppa but couldn't be arsed to walk twenty feet to the kettle. He didn't have a bedroom because they were in a two bed and she didn't want to move house, she was offered a three bed in the same street and refused it, so he had to sleep on the sofa meaning he had no privacy and couldn't go to bed until everyone else did. His sisters were dressed in brand new clothes, he was dressed in second hand stuff three sizes too big, including hand me downs from his overweight stepdad. When she had an affair and broke up the marriage, she blamed it on DH. She got him into debt once he was 18 as she talked him into signing this, that, and the other "for the good of the family", money he gave her for repayments wasn't passed on to the relevant companies. Even as an adult he was an after thought, one Christmas his (adult) sisters got brand new mobiles, £100 of shopping vouchers each, necklaces and more. DH got a tin of Asda biscuits. It took him many years to be able to stand up to her. In our early days she was okay, then we started planning to get married she literally turned overnight. That's when he began standing up her. I could list all the things gs she's said and done to us over the years but I try not to think about it if I can help it. She got worse when the DC came along and DH eventually went NC when she started leaving them out in favour of SILs DC (same age as ours). That lasted a year and she swore she'd changed, DH still wanted nothing to do with her but I let her see the DC. Nothing had changed and I eventually cut contact again. The final straw was when DS got £5 in a card for his birthday, dropped off after bedtime by MILs DP then on DDs birthday a few weeks later they showed up with a fucking tablet for her. We haven't seen her in nearly two years, despite her living around the corner, and while she stalks us a little bit sometimes (parking at the end of our street, doing "coincidental" drive bys at school run time, etc) it's been blissful.

Mothers Day however is hard for DH because, in his own words, he doesn't have a mother. Mothers love you and care about you, he just has That Woman who happened to give birth to him. And people feel the need to offer him their opinion, saying he should forgive her because it's Mothers Day. Get in touch and say sorry (!) because it's Mothers Day. It would make her day if he popped round with the DC because it's Mothers Day.

It's one more day and while it's nice to show your mum that you appreciate her, it doesn't cancel put the rest of the days in the year.

Behindthepaintedgarden · 12/03/2015 11:58

YANBU. I didn't realise, until I read some threads on here, that it's been turned into a battleground in some families. It's really just a minor event, but some posters seem to be building it up to be the equivalent of Christmas Day or somesuch.

Frasras11 · 12/03/2015 12:24

I used to complain when younger that there was no Child's Day. Of course I see the irony now I'm older, wiser and a mother myself.

Anyhoo, YADNBU. I'm a little tired of commercialism in general. Don't get me wrong, I often get swept up in it and then wonder why the hell I let that happen but does anyone really need expensive flowers and gifts? No we don't. To be a total cliche it is the little things everyday that make the difference. Is life hunky dory at all times? No. But if days like Mother's Day or Valentines are the end of your world then there's other issues to be tackled.

Luckily my DS announced a couple of weeks ago that he'd like to marry me when he grows up so I won't have a young harridan stealing his affections in years to come Grin

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