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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to think the school can get fucked telling me what i can and can't put in packups

348 replies

InTheWhiteRoom · 11/03/2015 16:05

ds is 8

he came home with a letter saying his pack up today was inappropriate. it was a very patronising letter "we promote healthy eating" and all that shit.... i can only assume this is because as I put a marshmallow in his pack up. a SINGLE marshmallow. along with his sandwich (cheese salad on granary) 2 bits of fruit and a yoghurt.

aibu to think I am the parent and I decide what goes in lunches?

jeez anyone would think his pack up was a can of coke and a packet of biscuits.

Angry
OP posts:
geekymommy · 11/03/2015 17:17

A marshmallow is a choking hazard for an 8 year old?

Oh, and sugar rushes are a myth.

That said, I don't really think this is worth fighting the school over. They have some stupid rules. Sometimes you have to go along with stupid rules in life.

FreudiansSlipper · 11/03/2015 17:18

so a marshmallow is not to be considered a sweet in this scenario

ok then Hmm

what is the yogurt then if not the pudding or was he having some sort of tasting packed lunch

WhatsGoingOnEh · 11/03/2015 17:18

Send your son on a spa day.

iLoveMushrooms · 11/03/2015 17:22

packed lunch not pack up wtf

LineRunner · 11/03/2015 17:23

Maybe I should think about learning to drive.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/03/2015 17:30

I'm interested to know what you motive was for including the marshmallow. Was it because you knew full well that they have a no sweets rule ( and btw it's very bizarre parenting to argue they should be allowed), and wanted to stir? Very childish if so. Yabu.

That said, I do think the fact that school dinners have a dessert every day absolutely nonsense. I know of not one person, in real life or on mn, who wants their dc to have a pudding at lunch every day. They should only have them once a week. That would save the government money too (for the free meals) and I can't imagine anyone complaining.

BlackeyedSusan · 11/03/2015 17:35

go to council website, download the menu, print, circle the puddings option, add "really?" to letter return to school. you may also wish to request that they send you a complete nutritional bbreakdown of every item on the menu so you can compare sugar/calorie/fat content.

HandMini · 11/03/2015 17:41

If the school rules are "stupid" you either follow them anyway (and as others have said, it's not as though "no sweets" is a hard rule to follow) or accept the consequences and don't be surprised/angry/aggrieved when you're pulled up for not following them.

ilovesooty · 11/03/2015 17:43

What a ridiculous over reaction from the OP. No wonder some children treat schools and teachers with so little respect.
Why did he need a marshmallow when he already had fruit and a yogurt anyway?

MrsHathaway · 11/03/2015 17:46

If you're trusting the school to look after your child at lunchtime, you adhere to their lunch rules. My "take them home" comment was based on a period early in my schooling where the dinner ladies were on strike, so everyone had to go home for lunch it must have been hell - my poor mother had a newborn plus four school runs a day.

"why do they need sugar-laden desserts for?"

There is at least some nutrition in a pudding. Sweets are nothing but calories, and stick to teeth. Not comparable.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 11/03/2015 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sidge · 11/03/2015 17:56

go to council website, download the menu, print, circle the puddings option, add "really?" to letter return to school. you may also wish to request that they send you a complete nutritional breakdown of every item on the menu so you can compare sugar/calorie/fat content

Or maybe send it back to the County Council instead of the school which is where the menu probably originated from.

Very few state schools generate their own menus and meal planning and follow the county provision. So take it up with them rather than wasting the school's time.

I can't bear over zealous lunchbox policing but having a no sweets, no chocolate and no fizzy drinks policy is hardly unreasonable. Those items offer nothing nutritionally and if it's that important that you give your children these things do it for the other 138 hours of the week that your child is not in school.

BramwellBrown · 11/03/2015 17:56

YANBU, I agree with schools stepping in if you're giving your child a can of red bull, pack of crisps and a chocolate bar (which I've seen happen) but one marshmallow in an otherwise healthy packed lunch is fine.

Sometimes I think schools push the healthy eating thing so much they forget to use any common sense/forget that lunch isn't their entire diet, I got a note home about healthy eating because DD didn't have sandwiches or yoghurt in her lunch (she had a salad, savoury scone, cheese cubes and a pot of strawberries and grapes)

ravenAK · 11/03/2015 17:57

Schools do have lots of rules that any sensible person would agree could be harmlessly broken a little bit - it doesn't do any harm if someone has a marshmallow/bit of flesh coloured concealer on a zit/stud in their nose.

Fine.

Unfortunately, there will be someone who'd quite like to have a packet of jaffa cakes/full Frank'n'Furter face of slap/corset piercing all down their back.

(OK, OK, I'm thinking secondary but you get the gist).

Schools can either devote an awful lot of time to arguing about what 'a few sweets' or 'discreet make up' etc etc means, or they can just say 'no-one really needs & our guidelines are clear - it's not allowed', & crack on with teaching.

It's just the most pragmatic solution, & generally pisses off far fewer parents than endless discussion, inconsistencies, & moving goal posts.

Having said that, school dinners are generally utter shite, so YANBU in that respect...

maninawomansworld · 11/03/2015 17:58

I'd send a short sharp letter back going something along the lines of:

Dear school

it was one Marshmallow. Get over it.

CunningCat · 11/03/2015 18:00

The packed lunch police!

LineRunner · 11/03/2015 18:03

A lot of schools are outside of council control now. So are their catering arrangements, and the ingredients.

Original poster
InTheWhiteRoom · 11/03/2015 18:05

I'd send a short sharp letter back going something along the lines of:

Dear school

it was one Marshmallow. Get over it.

^^ best idea on the whole thread Grin

OP posts:
claraagain · 11/03/2015 18:09

It isn't 1 marshmallow- that is a smoke screen . it is that 1 parent thinks they will make a point and try and push school rules.

Your attitude shows that you see yourself as above any rules. Not values I would want to share with my children.

ravenAK · 11/03/2015 18:09

One for the staffroom noticeboard Arsey Parent Hall of Fame, that'd be Grin.

I'd go with Blackeyed Susan's suggestion re: the school dinner menu, myself.

SoupDragon · 11/03/2015 18:12

packed lunch not pack up wtf

Are you familiar with the concept of colloquialisms, iLoveMushrooms?

CatsBollocks · 11/03/2015 18:12

What a wonderful thing to teach your child OP, how to break rules. Children are at school from 9am to 3pm in my area. That's 6 hours. 6 hours is not an eternity to go without sweets. Don't send sweets in a packed lunch if the school rule is no sweets. It's not hard to understand is it? Your making a mountain out of a molehill and YABU.

Ps I'm Scottish and have never heard of a packed lunch being called a pack up. I just thought I'd clarify that for a PP.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/03/2015 18:14

I feel so sorry for schools having to permanently deal with parents who, somehow, don't realise that the school itself haven't made the rules regarding school pack lunches, or school dinner policies, or computer generated letters etc etc. how parents cannot grasp this, I do not know.

Original poster
InTheWhiteRoom · 11/03/2015 18:14

I'm not Scottish

"pack up" must be a midlands thing, its what I have always known them as

tbh I never did like stupid rules and never adhered to them and never will

might put some haribo in there tomorrow ;)

OP posts:
ChocolateWombat · 11/03/2015 18:15

I suspect that such letters are sent home after a child has regularly had sweets or other not allowed items. I would be surprised if they were sent home at the first sign of it. OP, was this an unusual packed lunch or standard?

I think that seem of the standards for packed lunches are rather extreme, particularly in light of the school dinners which are offered. There is a double standard. That said, I'm all for sticking to the school rules - even those that seem rather petty. Rigid rules about lunchboxes are helpful because they remove grey areas - so no sweets is a clearer better rule than 'no big bags of sweets'. Ambiguity always results in people pushing boundaries as far as they can go - so the initial purpose is totally lost. It doesn't hut to have no sweets or crisps or whatever......give them at home time if you want to.

For me,the key thing about this is the message we send to our children. I want mine to respect teachers, dinner ladies, the school and to follow the rules. I need to set an example of doing that, not resisting or arguing. This tells the kids it's okay to pick and choose which rules we follow. I tell my kids, that there are always rules we don't really agree with, but they are part of a bigger picture and sticking to them is important.

So if a letter was sent after a 'first offence' of a marshmallow, it seems a bit petty. However a 'no tolerance' approach is often more effective than turning a blind eye, which allows standards to become blurred and slip. I think the OP should support the school and send a message to her children that she is doing that and it is right for them to obey the rules too.