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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that the society we live in is no less misogynist than it ever was?

114 replies

lottieandmias · 11/03/2015 11:34

I have had the misfortune to come across several accounts on Twitter whose only purpose seems to be to belittle women, say that women are all 'hoes' all deserve to be cheated on and disliked and used for sex. These accounts have in some cases, hundreds of thousands of followers.

Where do these views come from? It just makes me very sad as I have 3 dds. I hear an increasing number of much younger men expressing these kinds of views. It's a general problem I think. And I fear for what the future holds for my dds in relationships ð???

What can we do about this? Do parents not feel a responsibility to instil in their sons or indeed in their children generally that this sort of thing is not ok. In the same way that racism is not ok...

OP posts:
Original poster
lottieandmias · 11/03/2015 16:22

this is the kind of vile thing I'm talking about.

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Original poster
lottieandmias · 11/03/2015 16:26

JohnCusack - I think that unfortunately there are a lot of men who don't think they do hate women but they will think it's ok to insult a woman based on her weight for example.

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Original poster
lottieandmias · 11/03/2015 16:26

Very, very few people admit to being racist but casual racism is rife.

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JohnFarleysRuskin · 11/03/2015 16:29

There are a lot of men who only like a certain kind of woman and hate the rest.

I still think things have improved massively for women and will continue to do so if we keep on challenging misogyny.

SlaggyIsland · 11/03/2015 16:32

I worry that it seems to be going backwards, globally. Feeling depressed after reading that they are about to massively restrict access to sterilisation and contraception in Iran, whilst creating a law that favours married men with children in the workplace.

Original poster
lottieandmias · 11/03/2015 16:33

Hmm Depressing indeed

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Original poster
lottieandmias · 11/03/2015 16:34

What 'certain kind of woman' John?

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JohnFarleysRuskin · 11/03/2015 16:36

Pretty, young and compliant.

You only have to look at the disgusting comments Mary beard received for the audacity of being older, un groomed and outspoken on TV. :(

Original poster
lottieandmias · 11/03/2015 16:39

Even if you're pretty, young and compliant, a misogynist will still find things to dislike about you because the problem is with them and not the woman.

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Original poster
lottieandmias · 11/03/2015 16:40

You get a lot of wankers on dating websites saying 'I like a woman who keeps in shape'. No matter how in shape you are, you need to stay away from someone like that because he is the one who has something wrong with him IMO.

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Original poster
lottieandmias · 11/03/2015 16:41

I've lost count of the times a mner has said her DH called her fat and it turns out she's a size 10 or something.

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DopeyDawg · 11/03/2015 18:16

I remember being pretty young and compliant (though I didn't realise at the time).

I remember being taken to pieces in a meeting by a man because I had an expensive fountain pen. He asked me who I had slept with to get it?

Another time, another man asked me my breast size. In a restaurant, whilst I was having dinner with my female friend.

And don't even get me started on what that creep Jeffrey Archer said to me at a book signing once...

PoppyField · 11/03/2015 19:01

Ooh go on tell us about Jeffrey. I met him once. He's a little toad.

grovel · 11/03/2015 19:08

I think there is a small minority of men who hate/can't cope with women. The anonymity of the internet gives them a chance to vent their hate and frustration.

Original poster
lottieandmias · 11/03/2015 20:01

I've always been considered attractive but it certainly hasn't won me much respect to be honest - the opposite is true as DopeyDawg says above.

Grovel - I think you are right but there are varying degrees.

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CaptainAnkles · 11/03/2015 20:07

The other day, I saw a group of teenage boys queuing to be seated in a restaurant behind a group of teenage girls. The boys were talking about wanting to be seated away from the girls, who they referred to as 'sluts'. No idea what they were basing that on, other than they were female. They didn't seem to know each other, so can't be explained by that horrible term 'banter'. So depressing.

queeneileen · 11/03/2015 20:15

I've had more misogyny off women than men. I got called an absolute twat who was playing the poor little me card and was scared of my own shadow, for pointing out that across the globe women are still scared to walk down streets for fear of attack.

Of course, I should say this to the 15yr old me who was grabbed off a street, or the 27yr old me who was followed by a gang of lads at teatime in the dark. Poor fucking little me, indeed.

ManOfSpiel · 11/03/2015 22:30

If it's any consolation I can hold my hand up and say that I don't hate women. I know a fair amount of sexist men but I don't know any that actually hate women.

Hate is pretty strong and if I'm honest I sincerely believe there aren't that many men (in this country anyway) that genuinely hate all women.

How does Germaine Greer know anyway. Just as I don't know what it's like to understand the female experience, she has no idea what goes through our minds.

Sexism that's been socialised into men and women is not the same as misogyny.

I don't know if things have got worse and hope not with daughters but I know that the internet has given the vocal minority a means of venting their bs.

Original poster
lottieandmias · 11/03/2015 23:19

Actually I think sexism often is misogyny.

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ManOfSpiel · 12/03/2015 06:16

I guess it can be but there must be different levels.

For that to be true then there must also be man haters in everyday life as sexism goes both ways. In fact women have greater cause to hate men for obvious reasons but I don't see it or feel it. I'm a man in a predominantly female space but no one has been nasty to me, ever.

In RL I receive sexist comment as a man and I'm still guilty of showing sexist traits, despite being mindful of it in my daily life. I can assure you that I don't hate women.

meandjulio · 12/03/2015 06:32

I don't hate men either, but I think sexism appears for me in that space where a man does something that I think is hateful and the phrase 'just like a man' jumps to my mind. I hope it doesn't happen often but I do feel it happen. There is also a special disappointment that I try not to feel when a woman doesn't measure up to my own personal some public standard, I feel that she has let all women down - I felt it for Natalie Bennett, for example, and a few years back when Estelle Morris resigned as secretary of state because she didn't feel she was up to the job. Men and women represent their gender at times to me, not just themselves, and that makes me quite sexist IMO. I think there are genuinely 'gender-blind' people but not many of them.

ManOfSpiel · 12/03/2015 06:39

I think we're all sexist to some extent and shouldn't beat ourselves up about it too much. Work to eradicate yes but none of us are responsible for the state of society when we entered it. All we can realistically do is not contribute to the aspects that impose on others.

I guess it all comes down to terminology but think comparing sexism with misogyny lessens the meaning of misogyny iyswim.

bumbleymummy · 12/03/2015 06:47

"I don't agree with GG that all men hate women, but I think there is a sizeable minority who really, really do."

There are do some women out there who really really hate men too.

"comparing sexism with misogyny lessens the meaning of misogyny iyswim."

I agree.

Original poster
lottieandmias · 12/03/2015 06:56

Sorry ManofSpiel, I think you're talking nonsense. And prejudice directed at men (not that I would agree with that either!) cannot be compared because women are at the biggest disadvantage from the outset - women have been subjected to oppressive treatment since the dawn of time. Men have always had the upper hand. And they still earn more.

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meditrina · 12/03/2015 07:02

Compared to the 1970s, no I do not think society has become more misogynist.

Becuase then, all the things described now would happen but not online, obviously: instead it was to your face, at meetings, rallies etc.

Plus, you could be paid less, denied a mortgage, excluded from public areas, expected to quit work on marriage, or if not then certainly on pregnancy. Policies were far harder on single mothers, and contraception was only just becoming readily available to the unmarried.

I could go on.

Those are my growing up years, so they're my point of comparison. OP: were you thinking of a different one?