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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has asked me to start a thread in AIBU. He will go with the majority.

213 replies

Showy · 10/03/2015 17:50

I am a SAHM. I have a handful of useless degrees. I am not paying back my student loan atm on account of my 'homemaker' status (SLC's term, not mine). They have all my relevant details. They know I have no income, am a 'homemaker' and they have my NI number, the fact I have two young children etc on record.

The Student Loan Company have written to tell me that DH must provide proof of the 'value of his support' in the form of 3 months of bank statements. They are very clear in their letter and on the phone that not providing his bank statements will be taken as me trying to get out of repaying my loan and they will 'take steps'.

DH wants to know if he IBU to...

Think his bank statements are none of their business.
Think his bank statements prove absolutely bog all in terms of my student loan.
Send a snippy letter accompanying his bank statements.
Object to the notion that he 'supports' me rather than being married to me in an equal partnership.

He is quite cross. I am not a bit cross and want to just send the statements (which he is right, prove nothing at all in terms of whether I have money I am hiding from them). I've told him he should not be sending snippy letters to people who are just doing their jobs. He is poised and about to lick his stamp.

So...

IHBU?

OP posts:
IAmAllImportant · 10/03/2015 18:00

HINBU, even when applying for a bursary and student loan as a student nurse, there is the option for my DP to decline to tell them what he earns. He just has to sign to say so.

BOFster · 10/03/2015 18:00

I think he should write them a stiffly-worded letter on Forever Friends headed notepaper.

Original poster
Showy · 10/03/2015 18:01

He isn't liable for my debt. They want proof of how I afford to live.

His letter points out that they will be notified if and when I go back to work, invites them to publish my novel if they're so bloody keen (he doesn't actually swear), wonders why after 10 years of marriage this has even come up now and compliments me on my sterling job as a 'homemaker'. It's a pretty funny letter tbh. He also writes something pointed in it about how much he resents paying for a stamp to send them his personal information. His point is that he's happy to sign a declaration that we are married and I do indeed spend our money but that his statements are none of their business.

OP posts:
Nomama · 10/03/2015 18:02

Ye gods, mine just confirmed that he was supporting me financially. That was it.

Do Google Erudio, it is eye opening/scary!

PandasRock · 10/03/2015 18:03

His bank statements are irrelevant.

I had to get dh to write a letter confirming he supported me Hmm

That was bad enough, imo, as SLC were not prepared to take my word for it.

I would have refused (on dh's behalf) to send bank statements which do nothing to prove whether or not I am employed, have independent income, or receive any annuities etc.

Lovemycatsandkids · 10/03/2015 18:04

We had this but as parents while ds was job hunting.

We just wrote a statement that we were supporting him and that was enough.

Bloody cheek asking for his bank details. It's not 1956!

Think they panicking as so many loans won't be paid back. Good job too.

iLoveMushrooms · 10/03/2015 18:04

none of their bleeding business

Original poster
Showy · 10/03/2015 18:05

I have Tatty Teddy notepaper?

I deferred 8 years ago when I went on maternity leave. This is just a random request from nowhere.

OP posts:
FenellaFellorick · 10/03/2015 18:06

I think he should send a letter rather than his bank statements.

Maybe not a very sarcastic letter Grin

PandasRock · 10/03/2015 18:06

Oh, and I'd probably have sarcastically asked if they wanted copies of the dc's bank statements too. Or my mothers. Or maybe my neighbours. Because they all have absolutely nothing to do with whether I was employed/independent income etc etc, so as relevant as asking for dh's.

BitchTradeMark · 10/03/2015 18:07

I sent only a letter stating I financially support DP (SAHD). There is no way I would have sent bank statements, its none of their business.

ThreeQuartersEmpty · 10/03/2015 18:07

DH is NBU.

This must be unusually unanimous.

TwoOddSocks · 10/03/2015 18:08

I do actually agree with your husband. I found student loans very competent at tracking my husband down internationally for payment of his loans but took three phone calls and two letters to inform them that I wasn't currently earning. (That said they never asked for any bank statements - strange they're asking that of you).

Creatureofthenight · 10/03/2015 18:09

I'm with your DH. None of their business.

TheJiminyConjecture · 10/03/2015 18:10

I'm just agog that an aibu by a DH is unanimous!

asmallandnoisymonkey · 10/03/2015 18:10

He's right and I'd tell them to bog right off

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 10/03/2015 18:11

Agree with DH, he's absolutely right.

SuggestmeaUsername · 10/03/2015 18:11

I'd assume it is none of their business. It is based purely on your income which HMRC could verify if they wished to contact them about it. HMRC should be able to confirm with them whether you have received any income during the tax year. am not saying that is the precedure but in theory tahts what they could do. no need to involve your husband and his personal financial affairs

VivaLeBeaver · 10/03/2015 18:15

I'm with your dh.

When I wasn't working dh had to write to them to confirm I wasn't working and that he was supporting me. Which was bad enough, but no bank statements. Dh would have gone up the wall.....I don't know how much he earns never mind what he's got in the bank (I don't feel the need to know either).

And what difference would his bank statements make? If your dh was putting 2k a month in your bank account would they try and say you had to make repayments? Because I'm fairly sure you wouldn't!

TalkinPeace · 10/03/2015 18:15

Can we see a copy of the letter once he's finished polishing his turns of phrase Grin

BetweenDogandWolf · 10/03/2015 18:16

I agree with your DH too and am wondering if I'll receive one of those letters too now.

CaraDelevino · 10/03/2015 18:16

Can you age the paper the letter is written on? Stain it with cold tea to make it look old. Fold it and unfold it a few times. Maybe tear a corner. Use a fountain pen and Quink. Date it from the 1950s.

MrsTedCrilly · 10/03/2015 18:16

I need to amend my post- I didn't send in my partners bank statements, they just asked for wage slips! Bank statements is totally unreasonable.

miniavenger · 10/03/2015 18:18

I'd send a letter without a stamp or an email.

Viviennemary · 10/03/2015 18:18

I think you should start paying off your student loan yourself. It's not your DH's debt.