A six year old should be capable of feeding himself?

[Handsup]

My friend still has to sit and physically feed her 6 and half year old. He'll feed himself at school but once home it's her job again. Aibu to think 'sort it out?'.

I like that way of looking at it, like they belong to themselves, it's not their job to be our baby for us.

Yes, I can see that is your approach to independence Pretty, but while you see some things as important "milestones" that a child must never be helped with once they've "achieved" them, I just don't see it like that. I think there is plenty of space for children to play different roles and have their needs met in different ways, sometimes be a big girl and sometimes be a baby if they need to be - growing up is a complex thing for a child, I don't view it as a relentless march towards the goal of independence.

They are not our "possessions" they are little people in the own right. That sounds deep

their

I said you celebrate milestones like feeding themselves, walking and sleeping in their own space. These are fundamental independent things. They don't need "help" once achieved.

But sleeping in their own space, for example, isn't a milestone, or something fundamental. It may be something personally and culturally that you feel is important.

I dont understand what you mean Keturah? I do know that other cultures sleep with their children close by whilst they have sex, to me its not something I would do. I would also question that culture.

A "cultural" thing doesnt mean its right. In certain "cultures" women get their clitorises cut off. Its still very very wrong.

What I mean is, you seem unable to separate out "your way" from "the only way". Lots of people raise children perfectly successfully in other ways (not sure what having sex has to do with anything though ).

Sleeping in your own bed isn't a milestone that you can never go back from. It's ok for children (and adults) to go through phases of sleeping alone or bed sharing. Sometimes there might be other things going on in children's lives that mean they want more reassurance at home, sometimes they may be more keen to mark their independence.

Did you really just make that comparison?! FFS it is hardly comparable! Get a grip! What makes British culture "right" by that argument, anyway?

Yes Pretty, and just because something is accepted or promoted in your culture (like small children being very independent) doesn't mean it is right or the only way - in other cultures your parenting might be seen as very harsh and unloving.

Oh. Huh. Hang on, I see you weren't responding to my post a while back about the feeding thing being cultural (many modern and otherwise perfectly respectable cultures hand feed children until quite advanced ages by our standards)

Although... yep the point still stands. Bed sharing, FGS, is absolutely nothing in any way comparable to barbaric practices such as FGM. So I stand by my post.

In certain cultures a lot goes on that I strongly disagree with. I will never accept things that are wrong due to "culture". Ooops, apologies here for a bit of "derailment".

Bed sharing is down to the parent, not the child. So I stand by my post.

Right. But you're spot on saying this is derailment. Because what you're actually saying is "This thing, which is in no way wrong or harmful but that I happen not to agree with, is wrong because my culture doesn't do it."

Disagree with aspects of cultures all you like, but don't use it as a straw man argument. Nobody is saying that "other cultures" are a magical thing which must be protected. They are saying that our reluctance to do something might be cultural, and others' acceptance of something might be cultural.

Not at any point has anything harmful or barbaric or abusive come up in this thread, so why use those as examples? It's not relevant to the argument.

Unless you are saying that you think sex near a sleeping child is abusive or spoon feeding until six is abusive.

Pretty, you disagree with certain things due to your culture, and other cultures might disagree with many of the things you do. There are plenty of different ways to raise healthy, happy children, and your way isn't superior I'm afraid - it just suited you and your beliefs.

Bed sharing, feeding children - do it or don't do it, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Funny enough I live in the Western World and promote self feeding and an own bed.

Self feeding - promotes independence
Own bed - promotes independence

All very good things to do.

Feeding a child - promotes obesity due to them having food given to them that they really do not need.

Sleeping with an adult when they are their own individual selves promotes neediness when its really not necessary.

My view is just as important as yours though Keturah and Im allowed to voice it.

Pretty, I'm glad you know where you live

Feeding a child doesn't "promote obesity". Have you noticed the child obesity problem in the Western World (I presume by that you mean UK?)? It's not down to people spoon feeding their children.

I'm sorry you see small children enjoying closeness with their parents as "neediness" and unnecessary though.

Christ. I hope she doesn't do this in public,- like a restaurant for instance. I think if I saw this it would make me feel sick!

My child is not obese due to me not giving more that was needed Keturah. Closeness doesnt need to be sleeping with your child.

I see bringing up a child to be independent far more worthy that expecting my child to do what "I" want them to do. I don't want my child to "comfort" me IYSWIM.

But you do want your child to be independent. That's about your wants and needs, informed by your cultural background, as much as anyone else's parenting style. Honestly, your way isn't any better or more worthy than anyone elses.

Pretty, Keturah hasn't once criticised your way of doing things. Why exactly do you have such an issue with the choices she makes for her DD4, who you have never met?

I will die one day Keturah as you will do. Promoting independence and a sense of "self" to me is the kindest thing you could ever do for your child. Guiding them to become whole within themselves. That's the meaning of the word "wean" surely? I don't want my child to look after me when Im old either, what a burden.