Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A six year old should be capable of feeding himself?

145 replies

Handsup · 09/03/2015 18:25

My friend still has to sit and physically feed her 6 and half year old. He'll feed himself at school but once home it's her job again. Aibu to think 'sort it out?'.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 09/03/2015 19:12

Yanbu.

barring any disabilities SN or illnesses there's should be no need for this. not only is it incredibly lazy on the parents front for not addressing issues and on the kids side be case he should be feeding himself.

also could well mean his natural feelings of being full are being Over ridden.

but, not your kid, he's not being hurt or abused and he's other wise loved and fed and with regards to actual problems it's very low down on the list so id just keep quiet tbh

LIZS · 09/03/2015 19:14

Yanbu, assuming no additional needs or info. What would happen if you just left him to it? Is she babying him or being pragmatic? Maybe do something completely different next time he is over, a picnic or buffet breakfast.

KeturahLee · 09/03/2015 19:14

My 4 year old can and does feed herself, but I don't see any harm in me feeding her.

PrettyFeet · 09/03/2015 19:17

Why on earth would you feed a child that can feed themselves Shock

Do you still wipe their bottoms?

zzzzz · 09/03/2015 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KeturahLee · 09/03/2015 19:21

Why? Because they want you to.

I still wipe her bottom too.

LadyintheRadiator · 09/03/2015 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 09/03/2015 19:26

Why do you feed him at your house if you know he's capable of feeding himself?

PrettyFeet · 09/03/2015 19:29

With respect KeurahLee I really dont think you are doing her any favours here. These are things that a child needs to learn to do by themselves. As I said, it's called independence and a very valuable lesson for them to learn and us as parents to teach them.

Charlotte3333 · 09/03/2015 19:29

Haha at bottom wiping KeturahLee, DS2 is 4 and has been wiping his own bum for a while, when he goes to MIL's house or is home with DH he'll shout "I'm finiiiiiiiiiissssshed" and they'll trot in like good little puppies and wipe his derriere. Same with DS1, they were wiping his bottom til he was past 7. If you're willing to do it, they'll carry on letting you.

piggychops · 09/03/2015 19:31

Just tell him that in your house everyone feeds themselves.

Fairenuff · 09/03/2015 19:32

Why do you feed him OP? You are wondering why his parents do, yet you are doing the same thing yourself.

KeturahLee · 09/03/2015 19:35

If you're willing to do it, they'll carry on letting you

Of course, they can do these things when necessary (like at school) so it's not like they lack the skills or aren't independent. So what is the problem with getting a little extra care at home?

I honestly can't see the harm.

Original poster
Handsup · 09/03/2015 19:39

I asked about a 6.5 year old not 4? My friend and I have been good friends for years and I view her son as family/ vise versa however when he sleeps over I feed him because I feel she'd be disappointed if I didn't and he decides not to eat at all. It's not really up to me to be the disciplarian but I've decided from this weekend it'll be 'big boys feed themselves in this house'.

OP posts:
PrettyFeet · 09/03/2015 19:40

There are other things to do at home rather than stopping to help a very able child feed or wipe there bottoms surely?

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/03/2015 19:41

It depends why your doing it I guess.

alot of the time these things are born out of trying to hurry things up or stop so much of a mess being made or trying to get kids to eat more. All of which are negative in that these things can't be learnt without some inconvenience.

and if a kid stops when he or she is full and you continue to coax with a spoon that is also not a good thing.

(medical requirements not included with this statement.)

PrettyFeet · 09/03/2015 19:42

You say you are "good friends", have you spoken to her about this? I'd tell any of my "good" friends to stop being such a prat really.

Salmotrutta · 09/03/2015 19:42

"A little extra care" is more along the lines of making them some hot chocolate, or popping a hot water bottle in to warm their bed up in winter isn't it?

RabbitSaysWoof · 09/03/2015 19:42

My friend does this too. I felt a bit embarrassed while my 18 month old was feeding himself at her house, like I was showing off demonstrating what he can do.

KeturahLee · 09/03/2015 19:44

Why would you mind if someone else feeds their child though? Feeding them is bad, but making a hot chocolate is good, what's the difference?

PrettyFeet · 09/03/2015 19:46

Not sure what the reference to a hot chocolate means here to be fair. The odd hot chocolate is fine.

PrettyFeet · 09/03/2015 19:47

Im totally with you here Giles. Why on earth would you shovel food in another persons mouth?

RabbitSaysWoof · 09/03/2015 19:48

It's just unnecessary KeturahLee, dc cant usually make their own hot chocolate.
The people I have known who do things like this have done them with their youngest, I think it's been more to do with their feelings about not having a baby anymore.

KeturahLee · 09/03/2015 19:49

I do loads of unnecessary things for my children because they like it.

PrettyFeet · 09/03/2015 19:52

A friend of mine used to give her kids adult sized meals then tell them that they couldnt have a pudding until they'd finished everything on their plates Angry Absolutely ridiculous. Ive always given my child a small amount and he asked if he wanted more.

Did I speak to her about this... yes I did. Unfortunately it fell on deaf ears and they are now classed as obese.

Children eat as much as needed. They won't die or be under nourished unless there is a big problem and you would certainly know about it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread