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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

so angry with DH need to calm down

108 replies

2boysandcounting1 · 09/03/2015 08:34

This morning had a big row with DH mainly about the state of the house. I saw red as all weekend i have tidied the house, done all the washing and put it away and their was loads. This morning as he was getting ready his clothes were all round the house again, all breakfast things left out of the fridge and the house looked a complete mess again. I was getting children ready and breastfeeding baby. I'm just fed up of the house being a constant mess and in doing all the night waking with the baby so in tired.

What set me off was my husband started saying for fucks sake stop moaning! In front of our 5 year old so i told him not to swear infront of the children aged 5,2 and 3 months. He didn't stop. I said i will stop doing all the tidying and washing as there is no point and he said it was my job i chose this life!!
So angry at him feel he has a complete lack of respect towards me. He said i was lazy! As if i have time to be. I also got called a fucking useless bitch and that i couldn't cope. This was said in front of the boys.

Yesterday his friend was due to come round at 4 and was over an hour late so i said to my DH why not ask him another time and he said if i ruined it i can forget the christening which we are planning for our youngest. I just didn't feel it was great timing coming at tea time. I went upstairs to fees the baby(and calm down) before he got here and my husband came up and said are you not coming down and saying hello. Dont have a problem being polite to his friend as his friend is actually nice, it is more my husbands attitude.

Sorry rambling now but feel wound up and pretty upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
2boysandcounting1 · 09/03/2015 08:35

He also keeps saying you can forget having other children( he knows i always wanted five children) he uses that to blackmail me with. I wouldn't have any more children with him anyway. He also called me a slag.

OP posts:
KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 09/03/2015 08:36

He's a cunt. Change the locks. You'll be happier alone.

DandyHighwayman · 09/03/2015 08:37
Shock
AlternativeTentacles · 09/03/2015 08:38

Is he always this pleasant and helpful?

Titsalinabumsquash · 09/03/2015 08:39

Don't have anymore kids with him, he's sounds like a not of a prick if he can't manage to pull his weight to help you or respect you in front of the 3 you have a,ready. Confused

Morelikeguidelines · 09/03/2015 08:40

He sounds completely horrible tbh. Abusive and a bit unhinged.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 09/03/2015 08:41

LTB! Whadda cunt!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 09/03/2015 08:43

He sounds a delight. Not.
But why on earth keep having kids with him?

Topseyt · 09/03/2015 08:45

He sounds like an arsewipe. I'd certainly have no further babies with him.

ilovesooty · 09/03/2015 08:47

I can't imagine why you're with him St all. Surely he hasn't just started behaving like this?

CocktailQueen · 09/03/2015 08:51

All that verbal anise in one day? In front of your dc? On top of being generally uhelpful and unsupportive and not doing his share round the house or clearing up after himself?

What a selfish twat. Sorry, op.

What's he like normally? What do you get out of the relationship?

I wouldn't have more kids with him. No way.

CocktailQueen · 09/03/2015 08:51

Abuse, not anise! Stupid autocorrect.

Nolim · 09/03/2015 08:51

he said if i ruined it i can forget the christening which we are planning for our youngest

Did i just read that?

ilovesooty · 09/03/2015 09:02

I've read your previous threads. He's been abusive to you for some time and that's included physical abuse from what I remember.
Is this really a relationship you want to stay in as your children grow up?

NeedABumChange · 09/03/2015 09:02

Wow, has he always been like this?

Original poster
2boysandcounting1 · 09/03/2015 09:06

Sorry just on school run so just getting back to the thread now. To be honest i know it sounds completely pathetic but in scared to be on my own as a single parent with no income. He makes me feel worthless because i dont earn and he does and yet he is not always like this. When we chat he says its heat of the moment and he didn't mean it.

I wont have any more children with him but don't like how he blackmails me with it.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/03/2015 09:07

He's using the 'christening' and 'more children' as sticks to beat you with, as if you can only have those for good behaviour. That's terrible, OP, really terrible and you're on a hiding to nothing if that is his true attitude.

He needs to know life will be like without you as a first step, really. It doesn't need to be permanent if he has a complete brain switch but with his current setting, it's 'game over'.

Sorry to say this because you sound upset but your children mustn't be exposed to his disgusting and manipulative behaviour, otherwise both of you will be responsible for bringing up sad children who in their turn likely become abusive. What he's doing is really not ok and he needs to fast learn that.

thoth · 09/03/2015 09:08

Why do you keep having children with him? Is this new behaviour? You have to keep your children away from that kind of behaviour, they will normalise abuse otherwise. Give them a few more years and they'll be speaking to you like this too.
If you've no family that can help, please speak to women's aid.

DustyBedhead · 09/03/2015 09:09

Run for the hills with your children. You do realise that this is not normal? You don't need to live like this, he sounds like a nasty, abusive shit and you need to seriously think about your children witnessing this sort of behaviour. Wishing you and your DC happier times.

Original poster
2boysandcounting1 · 09/03/2015 09:10

Ilovesooty- no i dont want to be in a relationship with him if he carries on like this but feel i have no where to go.
I text him earlier to say he was a disgrace swearing at me in front of the children and he replied i make it so easy for him to react as in controlling and manipulative.

OP posts:
Original poster
2boysandcounting1 · 09/03/2015 09:13

He moans that there is no sex and affection from me but i find it hard to be affectionate with him when he speaks to me like this.

OP posts:
bimandbam · 09/03/2015 09:13

Just ltb. He is an abusive nasty piece of shit.

You and your dcs will be happier without him. You will get benefits as a lone parent while they are so tiny. And could work a little when they are a bit older.

Would it be safe to ask him to leave? Is the property in joint names or just yours? Start stashing a bit of money. Fill your freezer and your cupboards and stock up on nappies etc in case there is a delay processing any benefits payments. Is there someone you could trust to leave some money with? And supplies?

If you are frightened of him and he has been violent in the past contact womens aid or see if your council has a domestic abuse unit or helpline. They can sometimes do things like arrange for locks ro be changed.

Don't put up with this life.

Lonecatwithkitten · 09/03/2015 09:14

Okay so you are doing it virtually all on your own now. He will have to pay maintenance and you will almost certainly be entitled to some benefits.
You are not worthless and will feel a hell of a lot better doing everything you do now when you are not being verbally abused.
You will manage and probably you will feel better being alone.
I have been where you are and made it out the other side.

Original poster
2boysandcounting1 · 09/03/2015 09:15

I did say to him that he needs to go and he said he is going no where, he pays the bills. The house is in joint names.

OP posts:
VinoTime · 09/03/2015 09:18

"You can forget any more children."

Response:

"I don't want anymore children with you. You're a complete shit."

"You can forget the Christening."

Response:

"I don't need you to be there to Christen the baby. I can do it with or without you. I couldn't care less if you show up or not."

Stop doing anything for him at all. No washing, no cooking, no tidying up after him. Just look after yourself and the DC's. If he makes any mess, scrape it all up and dump it on his side of the bed.

I would also strongly recommend speaking to a lawyer. This man sounds abusive and I wouldn't be hanging around for him. Far better to be alone than spoken to/treated in such a horrid way.