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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be furious with DP

86 replies

slightlyconfused85 · 09/03/2015 08:32

Prepared to hear that I am. Yesterday we received a wedding invitation for a wedding abroad in the middle of June; I will be 8 months pregnant, still working and we also have a 2 year old dd. It is for an old but not close friend of dps and the wedding is midweek rather than a weekend. Dp is looking for flights to attend and I am really cross. Is he being unreasonable to leave me at home 36 weeks pregnant, trying to look after dd alone and work (am a teacher so can't take holiday myself). If it was a weekend I wouldn't mind as I could ask my mum for help if necessary but she works during the week.

DP thinks Aibu because I am going to a hen in the first weekend of May. This however is at a weekend for 1 night and dp is taking dd to his parents anyway.

OP posts:

NurseDoctor · 09/03/2015 08:35

I think your DP is the unreasonable one. That is very close to your due date to leave you alone, let alone with a 2 year old. Who would drive you to hospital if you go into labour? Or look after DD? Perhaps he isn't thinking this through properly? Have you explained the reasons why you are upset? Lack of support etc?

expatinscotland · 09/03/2015 08:35

YANBU. I would be ragin'. He took his kid to his mum's?

CaTsMaMmA · 09/03/2015 08:37

i'd say yabu (a bit)

but dh was on a course abroad, leaving me for a week with a just two and just five year old and 8 months pg.

could your mum take a couple of days off? Would make it all a little bit easier?

Rightokthen · 09/03/2015 08:37

Yanbu.

I mean you could take mat leave early but they won't let you fly then! And why would you want to?

What if you go into early labour?

Original poster

slightlyconfused85 · 09/03/2015 08:37

I have explained but I was upset so probably need to be calmer. He's gone to work so I will talk to him again later when I'm feeling less cross! I'm really not the type to stop him doing things (and vice versa) but I think this is a bit much and inconsiderate.

OP posts:

fairyfuckwings · 09/03/2015 08:39

YANBU That's too close to your due date. I had all my children early. Obviously, most people don't go into labour a month early but I was still knackered towards the end of my pregnancies. And it's not like you've got an easy job!

Original poster

slightlyconfused85 · 09/03/2015 08:41

My mum is also a teacher so difficult for her to take extra time off- his mum has asked them to go down that weekend so he's not unreasonable to take her there but it's not really comparative!!

OP posts:

Doodlebog · 09/03/2015 08:41

But why should OP's mum use her annual leave for this cats?

AlternativeTentacles · 09/03/2015 08:41

Don't you love it when a man's social life comes before kids and heavily pregnant partner?

And when he can't parent on his own and takes his own child to mummy to look after.

Does he ever actually do any parenting on his own?

Original poster

slightlyconfused85 · 09/03/2015 08:42

Yes he does. I am not complaining about his parenting in general, just this particular situation!

OP posts:

Runningupthathill82 · 09/03/2015 08:44

Depends on a few things really, not least how pregnant you'll be.

You say "eight months"...but if you were 32 weeks I think it would be fine for him to go, whereas 36 weeks would be a bit close to due date for my liking.

Also, finances. If you can afford it then great, but if it would put a huge strain on family finances then it's not a good time.

I'm more on the side of YABU, really, if it were just about leaving you at home for a couple of days with a toddler.

expatinscotland · 09/03/2015 08:44

Why the fuck should her mum take time off to enable him to go to some poxy wedding when it's his kid?

Tell him how fucking inconsiderate he's being.

TheHappinessTrap · 09/03/2015 08:44

Hm. I think both of neither. This wouldn't be a problem if it jag been approached add a discussion with mutual understanding of the others wishes and needs ams then problem solving together so they both of you are happy with the outcome. There's too much unspoken stuff in these kind of relational issues.

Morelikeguidelines · 09/03/2015 08:46

Well maybe he can go if he arranges for his parents to come and look after you and dc that week? And to explain to them they are doing him a favour not you a favour.

Original poster

slightlyconfused85 · 09/03/2015 08:48

36 weeks. Money is not an issue in this case as he can pay with air miles as he travels for work reasonably often. I don't mind being at home with a toddler but i won't be, i am working in a demanding job and looking after her alone in the hours around this job.

OP posts:

Morelikeguidelines · 09/03/2015 08:49

Or maybe they can do that instead of seeing the kids on the may weekend of the hen night?

expatinscotland · 09/03/2015 08:52

Jesus wept! Is anyone so obtuse and disrespectful they would consider leaving their nearest and dearest heavily pregnant and with a toddler for an optional jolly?

expatinscotland · 09/03/2015 08:53

That's too close. That should be patently obvious. My husband wanted to be around me at that time, which was good, as I had to go to hospital with high blood pressure with DD2.

Original poster

slightlyconfused85 · 09/03/2015 08:55

I think it's too close also, 32 weeks would be different. I think because dd was straightforward and arrived on her due date and I was lucky to have no complications DP thinks the next one will definitely do the same.

OP posts:

Topseyt · 09/03/2015 08:59

The OP has already explained that her mum is also a teacher. Therefore she will not be able to take time off except in an emergency because teachers don't get annual leave to use in that way.

If you will be 36 weeks pregnant then it is too close for comfort to full term (considered to be from 37 weeks onwards I believe). I had my youngest at 35 weeks.

lemonade30 · 09/03/2015 09:09

YANBU and furthermore, not because it is a too close to your due date but because essentially , I consider it to be taking liberties when men piss off on a piss up when their partner is pregnant. Length of gestation notwithstanding.

PopTarts · 09/03/2015 09:09

YANBU op. He's an old friend but not even close.
It wouldn't work for me and dp would know it, and have to listen to me because I would be the pregnant crazy hormonal one, not him.

NeedABumChange · 09/03/2015 09:16

I think YABU. It'll be for 2 nights or so? He can always jump on a plane home if something happens. All you have to do is go to work and sort out the 2 yr old. Let the house go to the dogs and get a takeaway in. If you really can't cope, can your mum move in for the couple of days?

CaTsMaMmA · 09/03/2015 09:16

I am not saying the mother has to take leave...just a suggestion to help along.

op gets support, dd gets grandma to herself, op's dh gets to go to the wedding, everyone is happy, except of course the MN massive as it's all so much more fun to declare him a selfish bastard for so much as contemplating having a trip away.

Yes, it's a nuisance, close to dates, but like as not everything will be fine.

Original poster

slightlyconfused85 · 09/03/2015 09:20

I think I've said a few times that my mum is a teacher - she lives 2 hours away and cannot take annual leave at this time anymore than I can, and frankly why should she?!

It's not a case of can't cope, I'm sure I will it's just a stress I don't need at that end of pregnancy. He can go if he wants but I still think hibu!!

OP posts:

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