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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with DP

86 replies

slightlyconfused85 · 09/03/2015 08:32

Prepared to hear that I am. Yesterday we received a wedding invitation for a wedding abroad in the middle of June; I will be 8 months pregnant, still working and we also have a 2 year old dd. It is for an old but not close friend of dps and the wedding is midweek rather than a weekend. Dp is looking for flights to attend and I am really cross. Is he being unreasonable to leave me at home 36 weeks pregnant, trying to look after dd alone and work (am a teacher so can't take holiday myself). If it was a weekend I wouldn't mind as I could ask my mum for help if necessary but she works during the week.

DP thinks Aibu because I am going to a hen in the first weekend of May. This however is at a weekend for 1 night and dp is taking dd to his parents anyway.

OP posts:
livingzuid · 09/03/2015 09:22

YANBU. He should be there. And Confused about just jumping on a plane to come back if necessary. It's hardly the same as a half hour drive up the road if the op goes into labour!

I could barely move at 36 weeks and really needed the help and support. No one else should be there to help aside from your DH - it's his responsibility.

firesidechat · 09/03/2015 09:22

You can't just jump on a plane though, can you? Isn't that only in films?

I think it's too close to due date and that should be obvious to the op's partner, but what do I know. (shrugs shoulders)

firesidechat · 09/03/2015 09:24

Oh and totally agree with you op, why on earth should your mum put herself out to accommodate this?

WhatsGoingOnEh · 09/03/2015 09:26

So he'll be away for roughly three days, two nights? (Eve of wedding, and wedding day itself?)

I wouldn't be thrilled about it. But why did you get so angry? Does he often do selfish stuff like this?

Charlotte3333 · 09/03/2015 09:28

Nope I don't think YABU at all. DH works away the majority of the time and the DS' and I take care of ourselves no problem. Things go wrong with the car/house and I can take care of it. But the last three months of my pregnancy were a no-go for working abroad, if only for the fact that I went into labour previously at 26 weeks and lost twins. DH didn't even consider it, so I think yours is being fairly unreasonable.

Talk it through when you're both calm, and explain to him that this simply isn't how husbands should act. He's a father, the safety and wellbeing of his wife and children trump everything. Perhaps he needs reminding of that.

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/03/2015 09:30

Yanbu. by 36 weeks baby could arrive at any time. and even in a straight forward pregnancy this is still the time.where everything becomes so much more exhausting and painful. This really is the time where partners should be abstaining from drinking too much that they can't drive and being significant distances away (unless necessary for work of course) .

NeedABumChange · 09/03/2015 09:31

Okay, sorry OP. You never actually mentioned your mum was 2hours away. The moving in suggestion was if she lived down the road/worked at the same school as you.
How long does he want to go for? Could he do the trip in two nights or even one?

CrystalBarbs · 09/03/2015 09:31

Loving the way that some posters are suggesting the OP's mum should take annual leave! Wtf!? Anything so the poor lamb of a man can do as he pleases, eh!

OP, YANBU at all! He's being a selfish arse!

NeedABumChange · 09/03/2015 09:33

And you can just jump on a plane, people do it all the time. Turn up at airport, buy ticket, get on plane.

Where is the wedding? Because France is very different to Australia.

countessmarkyabitch · 09/03/2015 09:35

I think the problem here is that you should be talking about it as a possibility long before anyone is looking for flights.
Don't most couples discuss such things and make sensible decisions that take into account the feelings of both parties?

HolgerDanske · 09/03/2015 09:36

Men like that make me really cross. Selfish and inconsiderate.

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/03/2015 09:36

He's going for a wedding. People can't answer the phone halfway through the service.

and really is he going to be in a fit state to fly if he gets the call in the evening after celebrating all day.

He's going to be away from. wife and Child and free to eat drink and sleep as he pleases.

who here saying she's U really thinks he's going to be remotely in a fit state to drive to the airport.

firesidechat · 09/03/2015 09:37

And you can just jump on a plane, people do it all the time. Turn up at airport, buy ticket, get on plane.

And he will sweep in to the delivery room just as baby is being delivered.

Planes aren't like buses. You have to wait, what, two hours or considerably more before the next one and hope there is space. Not worth the risk.

lemonade30 · 09/03/2015 09:39

You're pregnant. Why should he be going anywhere that isn't completely essential without you.
You didn't impregnate yourself. Your pregnancy is his responsibility and he should not even be considering leaving you to get plastered at an old friends nuptials.

Please, who puts up with that shit?

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/03/2015 09:41

My births r were really quick.

midwife nearly missed the first one. and dp nearly missed the second. and he was a ten minute cab drive away.

I'd have probably have already had it and gone home if he'd come from abroad.

Sixgeese · 09/03/2015 09:42

That's too close, and I am quite laid back. If DH has suggested it I would be saying "no".

I had DC1 at 35 weeks and DC2 and DC3 at 37 weeks, and no labours longer than 4 hours, for us and I suspect most people, that is not worth the risk.

OddFodd · 09/03/2015 09:45

I think it's too close to your due date. And it's a wedding, not a course or a work trip. It's a jolly.

I'd be really cross too OP

OnlyLovers · 09/03/2015 09:48

I'd be pissed off. Too close to your due date by far. I think this is unacceptable. And he's a lazy sod for taking his own child to his mum's rather than look after her for one night on his own. Hmm

HolgerDanske · 09/03/2015 09:50

And his whiny, petulant, childish retort of 'but you get to go to a hen night' is just pathetic. If he's not smart enough to discern the quite obvious differences between the two scenarios he's really quite obtuse. Does he realise what a dumb thing that is to say?

YA-definitely-NBU!

Izzy24 · 09/03/2015 09:57

I'm not sure if YABU or not - probably not.

But the repeated suggestion that YOUR MUM should step in is very unreasonable indeed!

Amazed that people cannot see the irony in this.

wishingchair · 09/03/2015 09:57

Lol at "jump on a plane". She goes into labour at night. Not a problem - he can jump on one of those omnipresent "night planes" and be back in a couple of hours!!

Reality would be battling to get on the first flight of the day and realistically making it back by lunchtime at the earliest!

livingzuid · 09/03/2015 10:00

And you can just jump on a plane, people do it all the time. Turn up at airport, buy ticket, get on plane.

I'm pretty sure we all understand the process of catching a flight. Which is why it is not a viable suggestion to say he can just fly home. He has to book it, get to the airport, wait, get on plane, fly, land, get off, go through immigration, get bag, get out of airport, get home/to hospital. It is not a quick solution and sometimes a very expensive one. I could go on and on as to why, when you need to get somewhere in a hurry, flying is not that fast.

The DH is being plain inconsiderate.

livingzuid · 09/03/2015 10:03

wishingchair completely agree. It took me nearly six hours to go from Heathrow to Amsterdam a couple of weeks ago of which 45 minutes was my flight Grin

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 09/03/2015 10:11

DS2 arrived at 37 weeks after a 3 hour labour - there's no way DH would consider going abroad at a similar time in any future pregnancy.

It doesn't sound like he is close with this friend, so why the need to attend the wedding? They would absolutely understand if he didn't go.

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/03/2015 10:16

That's assuming he has money left for the tickets and someone's sober enough or has money for cab to the air port.

that's if he can even get back to the hotel to pack his things.

Grin @ the idea too that after drinking at the reception all night he's suddenly going to hear his phone go or have remembered to put it on charge.

I for one wouldn't want a stinking half drunk half hungover twat at the birth.

being there's not enough is it. .you kind of have to at least be able to hold their partners hand and hold the baby.

not be passing out in the corner them vomiting up their kebab as soon as it gets messy