To be furious with DP

[slightlyconfused85]

Prepared to hear that I am. Yesterday we received a wedding invitation for a wedding abroad in the middle of June; I will be 8 months pregnant, still working and we also have a 2 year old dd. It is for an old but not close friend of dps and the wedding is midweek rather than a weekend. Dp is looking for flights to attend and I am really cross. Is he being unreasonable to leave me at home 36 weeks pregnant, trying to look after dd alone and work (am a teacher so can't take holiday myself). If it was a weekend I wouldn't mind as I could ask my mum for help if necessary but she works during the week.

DP thinks Aibu because I am going to a hen in the first weekend of May. This however is at a weekend for 1 night and dp is taking dd to his parents anyway.

I don't think it would bother me but whether it would is neither here nor there. You weren't happy with it and therefore he doesn't go. I'm glad he had a rethink.

I disagree with pps who said men shouldn't go out at all during pregnancy. Why not, provided he still pulls his weight with wake ups etc? I'm always asleep really early and no company at all so imo he might as well go out with his friends. It won't be happening once baby is born so he might as well make the most of it.

Optional jolly
Expense
Not a close friend
Shirk responsibility for DC
Shirk responsibility for 36wk pregnant partner
Toddler tantrum whine re local hen party
Starts checking up on flights making in seem like a done deal in his mind at least

Doesn't paint him in a very positive light....

YANBU x lots

oh dear, yet another MN man-bashing. He's not a bastard for receiving an invitation, all of the 'what an evil shit for considering it!' is a little unfair.
I think YAB a little U, only in that you are a team and that means give and take a little. Sometimes you give, other times you take. Let him go, I say.

I think YAB a little U, only in that you are a team and that means give and take a little. Sometimes you give, other times you take. Let him go, I say.

It's not man bashing to suggest he is there for his partner who will be 36 weeks pregnant and who has another child to look after and who can't physically be in two places at once. It is midweek when the OP (and her mother) are working, and it is not a close friend.

Even he now realises he was being unreasonable. They are a team, after all.

Glad it's resolved, but part of me can see why he was thinking that way in the first place. If you're planning to be working and looking after 30 children all day at 36 weeks, you can sort of see why he didn't think it would make that much difference.

I am going to buck the trend and say I can't see the problem with him going.

Presumably you have childcare for 2 year old during work hours.

DH looks after 2 year old weekend before so all school prep is done and dusted (am a teacher so know this is possible) so little work needs to be done during the week I worked to 37+2.

Have people planned for support if necessary. Or have someone stay a couple of nights if it makes you feel more relaxed.

I am probably the opposite of most on here as I would persusde DH to go and enjoy himself.

I also went to a festival for 3 days at 35+2 as well!

I also went to a festival for 3 days at 35+2 as well!

Because going to a festival having fun for three days is the same as being on your feet all day exhausted after teaching a class of kids. And all women find pregnancy a breeze of course

The OP wasn't happy about his going. And at 36 weeks pregnant it's what will make her comfortable which is the priority. Her partner should respect this.

Glad it is sorted OP.

Interesting you missed the bit about me teaching to 37+ weeks as well.
The festival was much harder than yhe teaching.

I didn't overlook your teaching comment. It doesn't take away from the fact that a festival and teaching are hardly the same thing.

You missed the point completely. What works for you in pregnancy is not going to necessarily work for someone else. There are few more annoying things when pregnant to be told 'oh well I did it this way'. Who gives a shit?

Well the OP asked if she was being unreasonable to be annoyed at her DH for wanting to go away. In my opinon she is, based on the fact she is still planning to be teaching in a second pregnancy she obviously feels she will be up to it, then I formed the opinion of a couple of nights would also be fine, she asked for opinions I gave mine - apologies if I got the idea wrong.

If what works for some and not others in pregnancy doesn't affect others what is the point of asking for others opinions.

Obviously beacuse I didn't tow the line about saying DH was out of order I am in the wrong.

Thanks for all your thoughts, interesting and varies reading!

I feel the need to respond to the suggestion that if I can teach to 36 weeks then I can do everything else on my own too. Dp and I agreed that I would work as late as possible so I have more time after baby, this was on the agreement that if I am working all day at that stage then he would have to help with DD quite a bit by then, eg be home from work on time. This obviously isn't possible if he's abroad!

I am not man bashing, calling him evil or anything like it. I also don't object to him having fun; in fact he is off to his best friends wedding in africa in October which we have discussed at length, I will be on mat leave and will not be pregnant so will be fine.

How is it like a festival??!