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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with DP

86 replies

slightlyconfused85 · 09/03/2015 08:32

Prepared to hear that I am. Yesterday we received a wedding invitation for a wedding abroad in the middle of June; I will be 8 months pregnant, still working and we also have a 2 year old dd. It is for an old but not close friend of dps and the wedding is midweek rather than a weekend. Dp is looking for flights to attend and I am really cross. Is he being unreasonable to leave me at home 36 weeks pregnant, trying to look after dd alone and work (am a teacher so can't take holiday myself). If it was a weekend I wouldn't mind as I could ask my mum for help if necessary but she works during the week.

DP thinks Aibu because I am going to a hen in the first weekend of May. This however is at a weekend for 1 night and dp is taking dd to his parents anyway.

OP posts:
123Jump · 09/03/2015 10:18

Just my own personal feelings OP, but it wouldnt bother me in the slightest! In fact, DH went away for a week on holiday with a pal when I was pregnant with DS2 and with DS3.
However, I gave birth to these without DH as that is what I wanted, so wouldn't bother me if he wasn't there anyway.
The point is, it bothers you. And at 36 weeks pregnant, with another labour looming, you get to call all the shots! Grin

expatinscotland · 09/03/2015 10:27

Turn up to buy ticket, after going back to hotel to get things, passport, pay bill. Flights all booked till next day.

skinoncustard · 09/03/2015 11:14

Putting aside pregnancy, flights, holidays, mother etc, it's just so TOTALLY U that a grown man, husband and father thinks that its ok to 'pop' off for a few days without any discussion or even thought as to how the family (HIS family! ) will be affected.

It never fails to amaze me how some men just 'zone' out of their commitments. I assume he chose to get married, have a family etc . If he wanted the life of a single man with no responsibility then perhaps he should have stayed single.

As it stands, HIS wife , pregnant with HIS child, and HIS child need him to be here. Not off on some jolly to an acquaintances wedding.
A real man, husband and father would not need it spelt out to them .

KERALA1 · 09/03/2015 11:18

Both mine born at 35 and 36 weeks respectively so that would be a "you are having a flipping laugh" response from me.

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/03/2015 11:22

I think its also worth pointing out that although 99% of the time 36 weekers are just fine, sometimes they do have a little trouble regulating temperature or sugar levels and cab be a bit sleepy and hard to feed if on the smaller side.

could well mean a.night or two in hospital and someone needs to be looking after the other child.

Littleturkish · 09/03/2015 11:28

Have you pointed out he risks missing out on the birth of his baby, and possibly inducing your labour through the sheer stress of what he's suggesting!

Ridiculous.

KERALA1 · 09/03/2015 12:14

Yes giles both mine were fine. I would have been put out if dh had missed the births though! Can't believe he wants to go. I would be really upset.

Treeceratops · 09/03/2015 12:31

YANBU. Has he actually thought about how knackered you'll be? We had a 'no overnights away' rule from when I was 36 weeks. And don't get me started on going to his mum's whilst you were away...

Alsoflamingo · 09/03/2015 12:35

YANBU!!!

TheJiminyConjecture · 09/03/2015 12:44

Nope can't see how Yabu. I think the fact that you both are capable of coping well alone so that the other can take trips/holidays etc is probably clouding his judgment . (Assuming he's not usually a twat) But 36 weeks is very close to your due date and the fact is regardless of the timings of previous labour and births there is a chance he might miss it. There's also 100% chance that he is leaving you when you are tired, uncomfortable and with a 2 year old. Plus a demanding job.

Momagain1 · 09/03/2015 12:46

Not to mention that just showing up at the airport to get on any flight possible will cost quite a bit, even if they let him cash in his previous return ticket, which they likely won't. So that's thecost of the trip, the cost of whatever additional childcare, and now the cost of the emergency ticket home.

Great option.

ivykaty44 · 09/03/2015 12:54

I'm almost surprised no one has said LTB…

I think you are being slightly UR

Is it the fact he has a choice whether to go or not and that he has chosen to go abroad for a couple of day? Lots of dp go away on business and travel away and can't regulate their travel with work

livingzuid · 09/03/2015 13:07

ivykaty your post makes no sense. An absolutely cannot miss work trip is not comparable to a booze up overseas where he has the option to say no, and should be doing so Confused In fact it shouldn't even be an issue.

Original poster
slightlyconfused85 · 09/03/2015 13:16

Ivykaty it's not a work trip though it's a wedding 4 hours flight away. And in my last pregnancy we put a stop to work trips away at 35 weeks too.

Agree with the poster who says his judgement is being clouded by the fact we both cope fine alone when he works away or I go away. I truly do not mind the concept of him going to a friends wedding abroad while I look after dd, it just isn't a good time!

Just as an update dp called a couple of hours ago to say sorry, he wasn't thinking properly and had been inconsiderate. Perhaps he just needed thinking time! Smile

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 09/03/2015 13:36

slightlyconfused - I know its not a work trip so was asking whether it was due to the fact he had a choice as to whether to travel or not that was the problem - which it seems it is from your answer.

Looks like you are about to sort it out between you though so thats a good move forward - best of luck with the rest of your pg

lertgush · 09/03/2015 13:52

Of course he can go to the wedding. He and the 2yo will have some lovely bonding time together while they're there, and you'll get some nice quiet time at the end of your working day :-)

FlyingPirate · 09/03/2015 13:55

I'm glad it's sorted OP and he can see the madness after some thinking time. YWNB at all U. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy without the stress of this trip looming

mrssmith79 · 09/03/2015 14:00

Well there you go then. Problem solved.

HootyMcTooty · 09/03/2015 14:00

I'm a bit on the fence here. If it were a close friend I think I'd be happy for DH to go and take the risk, but for someone he's not that close to - not worth the risk.

The point is, in this situation my DH would ask if I would be ok with it before doing anything and if I said no, he wouldn't go. If you're not happy about him going so close to your due date, he shouldn't be going.

As for posters expecting your DM to step in and take responsibility on his behalf Hmm

Nanny0gg · 09/03/2015 15:52

Glad he's had a rethink OP..

Because - friend's wedding v possible birth of your own child should be no contest really.

wishingchair · 09/03/2015 22:09

Lertgush - hahhaaaaa!!!!!

velocitykate · 09/03/2015 22:22

My DH went to Glasgow (We lived in Southampton at the time) for the weekend (a work conference) when I was 36/40 with My second baby. I told him it was fine as long as he arranged someone to be with me in case I went into labour and someone to look after dd. He arranged for his parents to stay the weekend with us - the plan being that Dmil would come with me (I get on fine with her - probably better than with my own DM) and Dfil would stay with dd.

DS eventually arrived at 41/40, but we had a lovely weekend with the Dils. It was May and we sent most of the weekend in the sunshine at Bournemouth beach

velocitykate · 09/03/2015 22:23

In fact Dmil was most disappointed that DS decided not to put in an early appearance!

AntiHop · 09/03/2015 23:39

Glad he has a rethink. My dh was invited to a wedding towards the end of my pregnancy. He went but it was in this country and only a couple of hours away, and he left early so he could come back the same day.

ZombieZoo · 10/03/2015 00:06

My DP went snowboarding when I was 35 weeks for a week. I have 2 yo but I was only working 3 days that week. It was tough but got through it ok. But everyone is different and I expect you have long hours with your job

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