Aibu to think the parents of the Syria girls need to take a bit more responsibility?

[exmrs]

On the news today the parents are demanding an apology from the police as the police knew apparently a friend of theirs had already gone to Syria and the police didn't contact them.
I find it strange that they don't take a bit more responsibility to the situation.

Why didn't they know what was going on in in their daughters lives?
They are the parents and they seem to blame everyone but themselves or the girls.
To blame the police is ridiculous , the girls made the choice to go

I blame only the girls themselves. I hope they're having a very awful experience and have half a brain cell to text their contacts back here in UK to say as much.

I have a lot of sympathy for the parents, but their pain may be important lessons for others. I don't think the police did anything wrong but obviously a few things they could do better in future, too.

The grooming that happened was obviously very expert. I'm not an expert don't all act surprised but getting 3, clearly not stupid, kids to go along with this must have taken some doing. One you could understand, but the risk of one of three not giving the game away must have been pretty high.

I see why the families are lashing out, but they're blaming the wrong people. The terrorist groomers, themselves for not being alert to another girl in their community having recently joined ISIS and themselves for not having been more alert to the worlds possibly lamest excuse for going out for the day.

I've said before on these threads it isn't right to blame all Muslims for the actions of extremists perpetuating atrocious acts in the name of Islam. But knowing their youth are targets for these groups, and how can they not know, it is the accountability of Muslim parents to be hyper-vigilant to protect their kids.

Yanbu. Once again the police get the blame. Parents need to take some responsibility.

If these young women were brought up not to argue with or challenge their parents and elders, and if being quiet and obedient were seen as desirable qualities in young women then I don't imagine political debate across the dinner table would be encouraged either. So how would the parents be aware that their daughters were being radicalised?

^ this^ in spades.

I was brought up in a very strict household, I soon learned some opinions were not to be voiced and that my own opinion was worthless.

I learned to just not tell my parents things, not to ask, certainly ever to go out in the evening, but I did all the things other people did in the evening in the day.

I was at a strict girls school run by nuns.

I had no freedom and no possibility of rebellion. I was not allowed to leave the house other than school (taken and picked up by car), guides (also taken and picked up by car) or with my family.

So I was a total push over for anyone who paid any attention to me, particularly if they were male.

Would I have joined terrorists in a foreign country? No idea, but I'm sure I would have been tempted.

OP its grooming and the families have every right to be upset. If this was child sexual exploitation - where there is very similar grooming going on - would you blame the parents?

I'm failing to see the comparisons of grooming wrt sexual exploitation and these types of cases (and it isn't the first), these types of cases are based on an idealogy/culture. We should be asking questions around why second/third generation immigrants are disenfranchised enough that they are wanting to adhere to the extreme elements of religion.

Whilst past colonialism /recent wars are an obvious factor, turning a blind eye has surely been a contributing factor?

I intensely dislike the different narratives with which the teen girls and teen boys are represented.

The girls are groomed victims and the boys are not?

I do not believe the girls to have been groomed.

Genuine question, Alisvola, why do you think they have gone there if they haven't been subject to some pretty intense brainwashing/grooming? I must admit, I initially thought they might have gone to "rescue" the friend who had first gone out there but that doesn't seem to have been the case.

So what are the parents wanting? Compensation? A team to go out to Syria on a rescue mission?

The girls weren't stupid. They would have been perfectly aware of the atrocious actions of isis. They chose to join beheaders, rapists and murderers. British women are quite often put in charge of the real victims- the Christian and yazidi sex slaves. Excuse me if I reserve my sympathy for them, not the girls from Bethnal Green.

I suspect it could be moving towards a compensation claim. Police to admit negligence or not handling it properly and hefty sum paid out. I don't believe those girls are the only ones caught up in all this. It's a complete network.

Lala

Mostly I think it is down to - Fanaticism, disenfranchisement and plain unadulterated stupidity.

I am most interested into why broadly speaking, the girls are "victims" and the boys are not. Stereotypical gender norms work well enough when it suits, I suppose.

don't most teenagers feel disenfranchised?

sashh agree your post and yours MyBeloved

The police are not culpable.

I hope the grasping parents don't get any payout!

But the girls weren't 'groomed' they were radicalised..... Under their parents noses, using the wifi the parents provided

Spot on lovemykudsandcats!

Alisvola - I kind of agree with you about the gender issue: men who become extremists are usually described as having been "radicalised" rather than groomed. I think the difference is that (a) there is a sexual element to this which isn't so apparent with the men who, for example, run off to fight with Isis - the girls will be married off to jihadis who are unknown to them and, possibly, much older (b) they are much younger than the men who go to Syria. That is why many people would describe them as victims.

I'd disagree with you about their stupidity - I think they were really, really naive to go but, the way they planned it (and their school records) imply they were pretty smart albeit very, very misguided.

Also disagree with the concept that these girls were groomed whereas the boys are just hotheaded idiots.

The parents were very ill advised to complain about the police's role in all this. But I agree that their grief is beyond measure and they won't be making the best decisions. Also suspect their English may be poor given that sisters and cousins are the spokespeople for the family.

Brainwashing/grooming, however you phrase it, it's the same thing. I think anyone who chooses to give up their freedoms to join ISIS has been subjected to it to some extent, male or female.

Skipton lass - but as I said before, the radicalisation or grooming of children can not and should not be compared with the usual daft teen choices.

I'm assuming that your behaviour and your choice to smoke weed, fags,drink cider or whatever was not as a result of systematic, sophisticated breaking down of your core values by a highly organised terrorist cell?

I don't understand why people keep comparing being brainwashed by a terrorist cell with a bit of peer pressure from your mates back in the 80's (or whenever) - mind boggling!

Wow, now the parents are 'grasping'? Not devastated, grieving and in shock?

Oh yes, I see how grasping would be exactly the first word that jumps to mind.

I'm sure they'll be perfectly happy to have money instead of their children. Yup, makes sense.

I'd liked the idea that they were just doing it for the compo too MiscellaneousAssortment

It's not the first word that springs to mind. But after two terrible weeks of processing this awful news it's unfortunate that the first statements they've made is to blame other people.

Again lots of people on this thread have understood why that might happen, but it's a fine line to tread and risks losing a whole lot of sympathy pretty quickly.

Do you think there's a whole lot of sympathy for them?

I started off sympathetic; I have a teenager who knows everything.