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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think the parents of the Syria girls need to take a bit more responsibility?

374 replies

exmrs · 09/03/2015 08:19

On the news today the parents are demanding an apology from the police as the police knew apparently a friend of theirs had already gone to Syria and the police didn't contact them.
I find it strange that they don't take a bit more responsibility to the situation.

Why didn't they know what was going on in in their daughters lives?
They are the parents and they seem to blame everyone but themselves or the girls.
To blame the police is ridiculous , the girls made the choice to go

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 13/03/2015 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

limitedperiodonly · 13/03/2015 18:25

Limited even your dreams of joining IRA and all that violence are not on the scale of ISIS, and the horrific scenes we are seeing.

AlPacinosHooHaa What makes you think that being kidnapped, tortured, killed and being buried in a lonely grave is any different now to '70s Ireland or in any other conflict?

The only difference now is that we can film it.

OttiliaVonBCup · 13/03/2015 18:31

How does a "romantic notion" excuse joining a terrorist organisation which is undisputedly evil?

How is it possible they didn't understand what they are doing? It's not like there is lack of information about ISIS.

16 is old enough to know good from bad.

Inkanta · 13/03/2015 19:08

Don't really understand why the police are being so nice about the girls and grovelling so much to the girls' families.

I personally think there is something not quite right about the girls' families. If all was well I think the families would not be complaining so much and instead working alongside the police (and other authorities) as best they can in order to get positive outcomes, - ultimately to get their girls back.

Inkanta · 13/03/2015 19:15

'my dh thinks it has a lot to do with a lack of identity or loyalty to this country.'

Lem I think your dh is spot on there.

workhouse · 13/03/2015 19:20

MrsDeVere but they'd seen the videos, it's a world away from romantic warriors fighting a just cause.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/03/2015 19:22

Perhaps my dh and I are ahead of the game because dh grew up in a country where fundamentalism was growing and his family were very against it, so they were careful about what their children were exposed to

Perhaps, yes - or perhaps it's just that you're normal, caring parents who recognise your own responsibility towards your children Smile

cleanmachine · 13/03/2015 19:42

Agree with mrs D. Well said.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 13/03/2015 19:56
  • MrsDeVere Fri 13-Mar-15 18:11:55

I agree with this post however....stupid girls, YES but doing the sort of things stupid girls have done for generations? Really, you can equate ISIS on this scale?

At 15 Me and my mates were out drinking under age in pubs, climbing up scaffolding.

None of us would have thought there was anything romantic about running off to a war zone where in the media there was images of people being burned alive in cages, beheaded, people trapped drying on mountains and so on.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 13/03/2015 19:59

AlPacinosHooHaa What makes you think that being kidnapped, tortured, killed and being buried in a lonely grave is any different now to '70s Ireland or in any other conflict?

I don't think this is like any other conflict, its totally different on many fronts, and seems to revel in sheer barbarity for the sheer sake of it.

Maybe I am mistaken but did the IRA do be - headings? capture sex slaves? throw gay people off roofs, chop hands off? st

strap bombs to girls with LD and send them up?

And what is the noble aim of ISIS?

MrsDeVere · 13/03/2015 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

woodhill · 13/03/2015 20:50

I agree to some extent with you Mrs De Verr but there must be something lacking in their own family life to want to do this. I don't think the police are to blame in this.

MistressMia · 13/03/2015 20:58

But they are Muslims and this is 2015

And thus you judge them to a different standard to non-muslims.

There would (rightly) be universal condemnation of a white far right 15 year old who sent tweets glorifying in the death of muslims and revelling in their sadistic torture, rape and enslavement. Hypocritically though if a muslim expresses such thoughts and actions, they become a victim !

RandomNPC · 13/03/2015 21:03

Don't really understand why the police are being so nice about the girls and grovelling so much to the girls' families.

But they are Muslims and this is 2015.

These two statements are connected.

MrsDeVere · 13/03/2015 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere · 13/03/2015 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HungryDam · 13/03/2015 21:37

If the parents were non-Muslims, none of us would dare blame them.

But just because they are Muslim, it is acceptable to blame them and hate openly.

There are 100s of girls who are groomed! Are the parents only at blame for not safeguarding them?

The double standards is seriously worrying.

MistressMia · 13/03/2015 21:47

Stop conflating girls who were drugged, raped and abused with girls who will be the ones drugging, abusing and wilfully encouraging the rape of others.

Big BIG difference.

HungryDam · 13/03/2015 21:59

MistressMia, what makes you so certain that these girls won't be abused or have not been psychologically abused already?

Stealthpolarbear · 13/03/2015 22:18

the man arrested for helping them cords the border " is said to work for the intelligence agency of a country which is part of the coalition against Islamic State (IS) militants."
so why would he be helping them? my brain Id fried but I don't understand that. unless they lied to him and he thought he was helping them to...what?

Pixel · 13/03/2015 22:24

The girls who were groomed in the north were given gifts, flattered, taken out and thought that the men that they were seeing were their boyfriends. They had no idea whatsoever that the men were part of a predatory gang preying on children until it was far too late. If they'd been told on the first 'date' that the men were into gang rape and selling drugged girls for sex I doubt they'd have been as keen to go any further but they thought they were seeing 'nice' boys.
The girls who went to Syria (went there btw, not picked up from the door of their care home) did so knowing that they were going to see men who revelled in torture and horrific murders. They'd even witnessed such things on video.

There is definitely a difference.

Quangle · 13/03/2015 22:38

I don't think anyone on here "hates" the parents - as someone said. They must be experiencing terrible shock and horror. They may never see their girls again. But their solicitor has not done them any favours with the tone that's being taken.

And I think people are just generally astonished that three girls like that could find the wherewithal and the organisational skills to march off to Turkey like that. Whether or not groomed is the right word, they showed some extraordinary levels of independence - adventurousness even - in getting themselves to Turkey. Not words you typically associate with young muslim girls who seem to have been brought up in fairly observant households.

It's almost easier to believe that this extraordinary thing has come about because of some fault in the family than because the girls were attracted to ISIS independently or were groomed. It really is almost unheard of for three girls to run away from home like this to a far off country to commit themselves to life in Syria and whatever that entails. I can imagine three 15 year olds agreeing to run off to London and getting as far as Kings Cross and then losing heart but marching off to Syria and actually going through with it? All three of them? You'd thing one would have lost heart on the way. I can't get my head around what's happened tbh.

MistressMia · 13/03/2015 22:38

They have been brainwashed by religion. I wouldn't equate that though with being psychologically abused.

At 15 you are men ally mature enough to be able to distinguish between right and wrong. To have seen and read of IS's actions and approve of them to the extent you've gone to join them.....???

No one forced them to go. The've used their own judgement and free will to decide the Caliphate is their ideal society.

I'm not disputing that they will most likely be abused once there. But they are the one's who have willingly put themselves into that situation.

And let's not forget that they have gone over to abuse others. Those who will be on the receiving end of their wrath are the ones I feel for. The ones who didn't have any choice in their fate.

I really have no sympathy for three would be sadists who will be psychologically and physically abusing others.

Sallyingforth · 13/03/2015 23:18

They have been brainwashed by religion.
No they have not. They have been brainwashed by terrorists perverting and misusing their religion. Big difference.

The rest of your post is valid.

iniquity · 13/03/2015 23:48

At 15 they gave decided to emigrate and try a new life abroad. It might actually be what they hoped for whatever that is.. We are just assuming it will be terrible. I'd glady replace these 3 girls with 3 girls from war torn or poor countries that want a better life for themselves in the UK.